Downfall and Release
by OuroborosSnyder
Summary: My Take On What Happened After The Screen Went Black in “Untethered.” My 1st CI Fic. More info inside! BA. Note: Ch 30, 31, 32 & 33 Rated M. "It could only turn out well for the two of them because they're Goren and Eames." Now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Downfall and Release.

**Show:** L&O: CI

**Pairing:** BA

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Rating:** T for language and references to suicide. This is NOT a character death fic! Warning: Very angst!

**Spoilers:** Untethered, Amends, The End, In The Wee Small Hours, The War At Home, Blind Spot and mentions of others (so, the major ones in other words). LOL. It's pretty much all over the map with hints of episodes here and there.

**Authors Note:** PLEASE READ THIS. This is my first CI fic! Yay! Please let me know what you think! I just recently became interested in LOCI...about two months ago now, so I hope this will live up to your standards! I have a pretty good feeling about, Goren and Eames so I hope you like it! Having said that, the only episodes I've really seen are: Amends and Untethered. Youtube videos are what helped and inspired me to write this story. Also, I want to thank in advance all of the people at the tvdotcom website for answering all of my questions that I so randomly ask.  
I am more interested in Goren's depression side of him. I am warning you now that this is going to be one hell of a roller coaster filled with emotions and a lot of anguish. This is an anguish based story so don't be surprised when you find A LOT of it. I AM going to take them a little out of character because I want to play with the characters a bit…more so depending on the part of the story; so, don't judge me yet until you've read some of what I've written. That's all that I ask. Thanks (Sorry this A/N is so long).

**Summary:** My Take On What Happened _After_ The Screen Went Black in "Untethered."

**CHAPTER: 1**

Goren stood in the middle of the sidewalk, looking up into the sky. After confronting his brother, everything seemed hopeless. He hung his head. He's said some pretty horrible things to his brother in the past, but this was the end of the line. He was a different person when he spoke to his brother. That wasn't the Bobby Goren that he knew himself to be. He was, dare say it? Psychotic. Another man. An enraged man. He saw his brother shake, quiver and step back from him. He was scared and cowered down onto the bed. The look in Bobby's eyes was not something he'd seen before; his eyes glossed over and boiled in anger. Extracting all the pure hatred from his pores and turning them into words; words of evil towards his brother.

_**Hey you, look what you do to me  
You bend and you bruise me  
Why you try to control me?  
But you don't know me**_

He was Bobby's scapegoat. Bobby sighed as he brought his eyes back down; eye level with everyone else's. The world seemed to be stuck in fast forward and his body on pause as people of mixed races, ethnicity and gender flowed past him. There was nothing more he could do. He said what needed to be said and now he digressed. He felt like crying, but the tears would not fall. He felt like running away, running to where ever his legs dared to take him, but they wouldn't move quickly enough.

_**How come you just want to hurt me?  
How come you just want to push me?  
I can't ignore you anymore  
'Cause everywhere I turn you**_

He swore to god that he wasn't going to make it out of there…out of that agony filled, fucking hell hole. He now knew what hell was like. He despised himself as he began to remember back, back before he went to that place, 'heaven.' He recalled ferociously beating that kid in his own cell before the guards had gotten to him. In that moment in time, something new inside him seemed to be ignited and freely burned within him; uncontrollably searing inside of him. Something unknown to him at the time was hatched and he knew then that he could never look back. He felt evil, pure evil. Bobby honestly felt at that moment in time, anything but sane.

As he lay there, strapped down and treated like some vicious animal, so many things had raced through his mind, but most importantly, now, he felt like he had failed. He doesn't regret doing it though. No, no, no, Robert Goren does a lot of things, whether they're fucked up or not, but in the end, he never regrets any of his actions. He just felt like he didn't accomplish anything. He threw what little dignity he had left, away. The funny thing was…that wasn't what bothered him. The dignity part he could get passed. It had been mocked all of his life, so that was easy to forget.

_I'm the whack job, remember? Detective Crazy Goren. _He scrutinized._ Just trying to live up to my name, my reputation. _

He was use to it; the talks behind his back, the looks, but it didn't make it any less painful. Sure, the talks had lessened ever since Alex Eames was his partner, but they still existed. Just because Bobby did his best to ignore it, didn't mean that he didn't perceive all that was happening behind his back and ache because of it. Truth is, deep inside he felt sorry for himself, but even more so, he felt sorry for his partner. She's had to put up with so much god damn bullshit from other officers that harassed her because of him and it made him fucking sick to his stomach. Anger boiled deep inside his gut but quickly became partially blanketed by disgrace and dishonor.

Her partner. Fucked up, Goren. It wasn't worth it. _It's not worth it, Eames._

_**You burn me, you break me  
You always want to take me down with you  
What do you want from me?**_

It was all a waste. Not just his recent stunt, but his whole life.

_People will think I'm even crazier than before. _

He told himself on numerous occasions, every since he got out of Tates, that he's not crazy. "I'm not crazy, I'm not!" He kept mumbling to himself as he staggered to hail a cab. His walk was rough and unsteady; he looked miserable like some, though well dressed, drunken vagrant. He was anything but.

"Failure! Failure!" is all he kept hearing in return. "What a fuck up!" It was as if he was surrounded by millions of people and everyone was yelling, screaming at him all at once. Pointing. Laughing. He wanted the voices to go away. Go away once and for all.

A taxi pulled up in front of him while he was in the midst of his continual debate between mind and self. Blinking a few times, he stepped towards it and pulled the door open, heavily sagged into it, he shut the door. He quickly spoke of his address to the cab driver and then closed his eyes.

He never opened his eyes back up until he felt the car pull over and the cab driver shove it into park. Bobby quickly tossed some money towards the cabbie and then turned to face his apartment. Rubbing his face with his large hands, he shuffled his feet towards his destination.

He looked ragged and worn more than ever as he treaded his way into his apartment building. He looked like hell, and he'd been through it the past few days. He had bags under his eyes and they were horribly bloodshot. He appeared as if he hadn't slept in weeks.

Once he arrived at his apartment number, he slowly unlocked it and pushed the door open. Once it swung open, he stared into his apartment briefly; his body still in the hallway. Sighing, he stalked in. He didn't bother to turn on the lights. What the hell was the point? He didn't want to see himself. He can't even stand himself anymore. He couldn't take it anymore. Everything he'd worked for, all thrown away.

_**I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away  
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take**_

Throwing his coat onto the counter, after taking his badge, gun and cell phone out first; he started to weep. For the first time today, Bobby Goren cried freely; no holding back. Maybe it was that he couldn't cry in public, but nothing was stopping him now. He pressed his back hard against the door as he slid down, falling to the ground with a 'thud.' As he did, his eyes never left his badge and gun which were in his left hand; cell phone in the other. He didn't care anymore. Life was so worthless. No matter how hard he tried to do the right thing, it never helped.

Bobby broke down.

He'd been scrutinized for everything he had done and before, he never let it bother him, but after so many looks and comments, he couldn't take it anymore. A man can only take so much. He didn't care though. Not at this point. His career was already tainted, ruined to the point of no return. He was so scared and wounded that nothing could help him anymore. He was alone. Even if he wanted help, he was too far out of reach to retrieve it.

_**I'm never gonna be the same  
I threw it all away  
I don't want to be here fading**_

He sat there for what seemed like hours; not once attempting to move. There was no need to move, he had no place to go and there was certainly no one to go see. So many things rushed through him until one bold thought came to mind. One thing that would solve everyone's problem. He thought about it before, but only because others brought it up….but now, now it seemed like the most rational idea.

_Suicide. _

One simple action and yet it could change so many things. Affect so many people. He never thought he was crazy before…not until this very second.

_I'll show 'em just how crazy I am! _He roared deep within.

He was still crying, tears receding down his face as if they were trying to run away from him; just like everyone else. He felt so hopeless, so unwanted. He tried to be a nice guy but no one gave him a chance. He didn't even know who he was anymore. This man, the man he stared at before himself at this very second was not the man he used to be. The pure genius homicide investigator, the master mind that all criminal profilers sought to be like with his unique way of working, was now an anguish filled man that held more misery inside of him than you'd think one person could hold. In all truthfulness, he was crumbling to pieces.

He knew he could never go back. It was over. He had to stop running from himself, from his demons. It was time to face them head on. No more playing chicken and turning away at the last second. His mother was gone, so the only true demon that remained was himself. The demon within him.

_**Just let go! (look what you do to me)  
Let go! (look what you do to me)**_

He was still looking down at his hands when his cell phone started to ring. He knew who it was. No one else ever called him. He use to get calls about his mother, but now they ceased. His mother was gone. He had no one left. He was alone and it hurt so fucking bad. Shifting his eyes from one hand to the other; looking at his phone, he let it slip off his large hand and onto the floor.

_**Hey you, look what you do to me  
You burnt and you scared me  
With all that you tell me (but I don't listen!)**_

The ringing stopped briefly and then started again. He sighed as the phone vibrated on the floor.

_**You love me, you hate me  
You always want to take me down with you  
What do you want from me?**_

Alex was in her car on the way over to Bobby's place. She was worried about him and didn't want him to do something stupid. After seeing him, witnessing him, and knowing that he was suspended pending a psych evaluation; god only knew what he was going to do. He looked so broken, more broken than she'd ever seen him. This case had taken a toll on him, and he was distant; as if his soul had disintegrated and all that was left of him was a form. A lifeless form. He was burning from the inside. She looked into his eyes and tried to read what he was thinking, but it was a blank stare. Bobby had lost something in there, in that place. A piece of him was still there and she doesn't think he'll ever get it back.

_**I don't wanna be afraid I don't wanna run away  
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take  
I'm never gonna be the same  
I threw it all away  
I don't want to be here fading  
Just let…**_

"Dammit, Bobby! Answer your fucking phone." She screamed as she applied more pressure to the gas pedal. She knew he couldn't be left alone, not for a while but especially not tonight. _Just answer your phone, Bobby. Please! _It worried her that he wasn't answering and her mind began to drift at the possibilities…

Bobby still sat on the floor, looking down at his hands, shaking his head. He let his badge fall out of his hand, tumbling down as if it were in slow motion; ending up between his legs. It was as if the old Bobby had vanished and been replaced by a new one; a haggard, broken-down, shameful man that was carrying all but happiness inside him. A tremor shot uncontrollably through his body as his being continued to wilt at the seams. He wasn't the same spunky Bobby anymore. He had aged severely and put on a lot extra baggage in the past few years and he felt it. He knew it. Too many things had taken a toll on him and he was now paying the price.

_**You kept pushing me  
You keep using me  
You keep twisting me  
You keep breaking me**_

He started to grip his gun, but as he pulled it up closer to his face, out of his lap; his grip loosened and he turned the gun so he was holding it flat in his left palm. He wasn't sure what to do or how he was going to do it; all he knew is what he _had_ to do. What had to be done. He was filled with so much pain, so much that it was swallowing his entity.

_**You can't have me anymore  
You can't have me anymore  
You can't have me anymore  
You can't have me, let go!!**_

His cell phone and home phone continued to ring in the background but all he could hear were the words of discomfort and torment that echoed in his head. The words "Crazy" and "Fuck up" were thrown into the mix somewhere. His tears ceased to fall, but he was still full of sorrow. He didn't want to be afraid anymore and he sure in the hell didn't want to run away from this. It was now or never.

Bobby shifted his head up towards the ceiling, as if he were saying goodbye as well as pleading with god for forgiveness. He never envisioned himself_ ever_ taking his own life before, and even now, he was struggling with the thought. Bobby had always thought of suicide as the easy way out but…_It would make so many people happy; their lives painless once again. It would be easier to just forget about me and move on. With crazy Goren out of the way, who knew the possibilities? _

As his head came back down, his eyes fixed at the window that was across the room. He wasn't glimpsing at anything in particular. His eyes began to blur as if he was frozen in that position; his mind blank for the first time tonight. He felt lifeless, as if he had already succeeded in killing himself.

To him, he was already dead.

_**I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away  
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take!!**_

He blinked away the incoming of new tears as be began to speak to himself, "I—I'm s—so sorry, Eames. Please for—forgive me." He stuttered as he pulled the gun up to his chest.

Alex was the only person that truly cared for him and he knew it. He never stopped to think of what it would do to her, but now, it was too late. He'd already made up his mind.

_Her life will be better without me now. She won't be harassed constantly for having a crazy partner._ _She can move on. Do better. Make captain and most importantly, be happy. There is no need for her to feel obligated in being my partner any longer. I know it was not her choice…_

He titled the gun up so he was looking directly down into the barrel. His mouth was dry and his heart, what was left of it, began to rapidly beat. This was the first time in Bobby's life that he had ever been afraid of himself; and it scared him knowing that.

_**I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away  
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take**_

Alex quickly parked and ran up into Bobby's apartment complex. She slowed herself momentarily as she got inside. _Jesus, Alex, slow down. He's not going to do something stupid. He's probably just sleeping. _She deduced, but something in her heart told her otherwise as her pace picked up once more.

_**I'm never gonna be the same  
I threw it all away  
I don't want to be here fading  
Just let go! Let go! Just let go!**_

Bobby's finger was on the trigger as his body shook, riddled with fear, hurt, anger, and sadness; and all combined into one Robert Goren was not a good thing. Anger and outrage, however, over took him as he gripped the trigger and fired a single shot; echoing throughout the entire apartment.

_**I don't wanna be afraid  
Let go! (I don't wanna run away!)**_

Alex was about 15 feet away from his door when she heard the sound. _That_ sound. The dreadfully brief silence that followed an echoing after a gun had been fired.

_No, oh god no._ She silently prayed. "Bobby! Bobby!" She wailed as she pounded on the door. Nearby neighbors had heard the shot and peered their heads out of the door. She unsteadily flashed her badge to them and told them to go back inside. Hesitantly, they all complied.

_**Just let go!! **_

She turned back around to face Bobby's door and resumed her pounded on it; desperately until her mind finally caught up to her rapid, desperate actions. She stopped and reached for the door knob and surprisingly, the door was open. She managed to open it a few inches before it stopped. She pushed harder, leaning her whole body into the door, but it wouldn't budge.

_Oh god_. _He must be in front of it. _

After using all of her might, she was able to open the door about 4 inches and that's when she saw it; Bobby's hand holding a gun. His hand was limp, face up with the gun gently resting in his palm.

_**Let go!**_

"Bobby!" She shrieked, but he showed no signs of movement as she continued to desperately push on the door to get in.

_**Let go!**_

Continuing to assault the door with everything she had, Alex heard a faint noise come from inside Bobby's apartment and she instinctively froze; momentarily replaying the last few seconds in her head. Quietly she willed her body to move, pushing her head up towards the opening of the door to hear a whimpering, Bobby.

_It's Bobby._ _He's crying? In pain? Oh my god, he's alive. _

That only made her fight harder to get into his apartment.

**A/N: First off, the song is "Let Go" by Red. I love this song and I thought it fit perfectly with this scenario.  
So, what do you think? Do you guys like? Shall I continue? Please let me know…  
-Snyder-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER 2:**

"Bobby, move away from the door!" She sternly told him, unsure of what the hell happened.

_Please, Bobby. Please just move away from the door. Please let me in. God, I'm begging you. _She silently pleaded and desperately prayed; afraid of what she was going to find on the other side.

She didn't think, and certainly couldn't comprehend, Bobby ever shooting himself, but something in the back of her mind told her otherwise; especially after all he'd been through the past two weeks. She never was informed of the whole story, only bits and pieces here and there. In all honesty, the only person that could tell her the true form of torture that Bobby endured at Tates was himself. She knew, of course, that he wouldn't confide in her. It was just the type of person Bobby was. Keep all the stress inside and never talk to anyone about it.

Bobby didn't know how he managed or why but he willingly obeyed and ever so slowly, he eased himself, inch by inch, away from the door. He felt light headed and the movement was torturous as he groaned and winced in pain, but he managed to move somewhat out of the way. He was still blocking the door, but Alex was able to open it about a foot; enough so that her tiny frame could squeeze through.

He knew he shouldn't let her in. He didn't want her to see him like this. Bobby had hit rock bottom and he didn't want anyone, especially Alex, to fall with him. Too late. He didn't plan on her being here, but there was no way he could deny her access now. It was definitely too late. He could never say _no_ to her…not when she was desperately pleading with him on the other side of the door; mere inches away. He wasn't quite sure because he briefly blackout, but he figured she had heard the gun shot.

As she stepped through his doorway, she immediately smelled death. Blood and death lingering in the air. She recognized right away how dark it was in his apartment and quickly reached for the lights that were next to the door and flipped them on. Once on, her eyes immediately fell to her partner. Alex unconsciously gasped at the sight of him, loud enough for him to hear.

_Oh god, Bobby, what did you do? What the hell happened? How? Why?_

Her partner, as large of a man as he was, was sitting there hunched over, still partially against the door, legs spread out in front of him, hands by his sides, eyes closed, face red from what she assumed was crying, cell phone on the ground, gun still gently laying partially in his hand and partially on the floor, and blood oozing out of his chest area. The normally hefty man was anything but. At this moment in time, he looked like a frail child. A wounded, broken-down child. One that had given up on everything in life.

Bobby had shot himself, but unintentionally. Before he fired his gun, he pulled his badge up, just above his lap in anger and fired once at it. The meaning was too great to even describe. How ironic that it would come back to get him. When he fired his weapon at his shield, he never stopped to think of the ricochet that would follow. The bullet bounced off his badge and back into him; going through his lower chest.

The bullet was logged somewhere around his left lung and he knew it. He could feel it. He just didn't care. He was too stunned momentarily to render any statement, that is, until he heard, Eames. He knew she wouldn't understand. Truthfully, he didn't want her to understand. Not this. Not _his _life. She didn't need that and he silently wished she would just leave him. Let him die in peace. He didn't mean to shoot himself but now that he sat there feeling woozy and breathless, he wished he were dead.

_Just die already._

"Jesus, Bobby." She mumbled as she knelt down beside him. "What the fuck did you do?" She asked as she fought back the tears that she knew would soon fall.

Her voice was barely audible and scratchy. She prepared herself for this before she entered the room, but it didn't work. Nothing can prepare you for this job. Nothing prepares you no matter how much training you have under your belt. This was _her _partner sitting here.

Bobby lethargically opened his eyes and shifted his glaze to look at her. "Just go." He managed, closing his eyes once more.

Though she would never believe him, it hurt him deeply to say that to her, in front of her face. He knew she wouldn't leave him and honestly, he didn't know why he said it, but he had to try. A failed, desperate, last minute attempt. And that's when Alex saw it; that same look he had the last time he walked out of One Police Plaza. So broken, so lost. He was lost and truthfully _had _lost it. She feared for him.

Alex felt anger boil up inside her but this wasn't the time nor the place to be angry at him. Somewhere deep inside, she actually felt bad for the man. She knew he didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him about anything, but she did. She felt empathy for this man even if he would never understand why. She only wished that she could protect him; hold him in a protective cocoon and never let go of him, but she knew she couldn't. He wouldn't let her. He won't let anyone get close. Always at arms reach.

"I'm not going to leave you, Bobby and you know that." She hissed as she grabbed the gun from his hand and gently placed it on the counter next to her. He didn't resist but she didn't expect him to. If it were anyone else, he would have, but not Alex.

Ever so quickly she pulled out her cell phone and called for an ambulance. Mumbling some other information; her badge number and location, she quickly stood up to look around for a towel to help stop the bleeding. She knew her petite hands would be little help.

When she returned, Bobby's eyes were still closed but he looked limper then before; his head dipped forward. A soft sob slipped out of her mouth and she ran back to him.

"Bobby!" He slowly opened his eyes and tilted his head so that it now sagged to one side. "I need you to stay with me. Do you hear me, Goren?" She said and quickly opened up his shirt. It seemed to take eternity until the last button was undone and she swiftly pushed the shirt out of the way. Alex applied pressure to his wound and he instantly groaned in pain. Her insides felt as if they had been ripped out from her being. Her heart was now in her hand…holding it out for him to take. She was getting that sharp feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick. Fear.

It didn't take long for the blood to seep partially through the towel. The blood was warm and it scared her how easily it oozed through her tiny fingers.

_So much blood. Crimson red._ _God, so much. Make it stop! _She screamed within her being.

Time seemed at a standstill for, Alex. The surrounded noises seemed to fade away in the background as if someone had turned the volume down in the world. Life seemed to be lagging and she could've sworn she called an ambulance an hour ago. It felt wrong, so unsound as she continued to stare at her dying partner.

_Oh god!_

Fear rose in her. This wasn't a dream. This wasn't just another victim. This wasn't just anyone's blood that started to mask her hands, it was Bobby's blood.

Bobby hissed louder as she applied more pressure to his wound; both hands covering it. He tilted his head back up and tried to speak but a deep cough quickly overcame him. Alex instinctively tilted her head to look at him and it was then, when he tried to speak, that she had noticed the blood slowly seeping out of the corners of his mouth. That's when she knew, knew that the bullet had penetrated a lung. When he got his coughing under control momentarily, he spoke.

"Please, Eames, j—just leave me to…to die." He paused, licking his lips to moisten them. He tasted the metallic liquid that he knew to be blood. His tongue, which licked the copper fluid in his mouth, was rather comforting to Bobby. "You're n—not…you…you weren't supposed to be here. Don't stay to watch this…I—" He couldn't finish his statement as his eyes became too heavy for him to keep open. It became too much of an effort to speak. Bobby slowly started to slide to the floor, sagging back onto his side as he fell.

"Bobby! Come on, you gotta stay with me. Do you hear me, Goren? I'm not letting you fucking leave me!" She declared as she briefly let go of the towel and grabbed him just before he slid completely to the ground. She forcefully yanked him back into sitting position with all of her might. Bobby was a big man but in that time, Alex towered high above him.

_I can't let you leave me. I don't know what I'd do without you._

"Eames, it's so—so beautiful." He choked out a few moments later. He was clearly out of it now. Everything was becoming hazy but it felt right. Oddly enough, if felt safe. He was willingly ready to end _this_ life and see what the afterlife had in store for him, if anything.

A small, content smile appeared on his face at the thought, but it was quickly wiped off as an unsteady, yet hard slap came across his left cheek. He painfully opened his eyes, startled, to stare at a teary eyed, Alex. He wasn't sure why she had slapped him but it didn't matter. He could feel himself slipping away as he felt her hands apply pressure over his wound once more. She had lost it. She was loosing him and in the process, loosing herself.

_Just a few more minutes. Any moment now. _

"Don't cry, Eam—" He tried to offer but his eyes slipped closed again.

"Bobby, keep your eyes open! Do you hear me, Bobby?" She ejaculated, physically shaking. "Bobby, why?" She managed to say. It wasn't really a question, more of a statement. She couldn't harbor the thought of him ever doing this to himself. Not _her_ partner. Not Goren.

Alex realized something just then. She thought of him as _hers._ Not just in the partner sense of the word, but hers always and forever. Hers and _only_ hers. She couldn't fathom the possibility of losing him as not just a partner but as her best friend.

"Eames..." He managed to say before more blood trickled from his mouth, down his lower lip, onto his chin and then down onto his shirt. Alex reached a hand up and wiped the blood away with her thumb, but it did no good. There was no point in her action other than to feel him. She was about to loose it. If Bobby died here, a part of her would die along with him. He was her everything.

"Bobby, don't talk. Just stay with me, ok?" Bobby weakly nodded but then began to speak anyways.

"Eames, I feel n—nothing now. I—I'm not in pain anymore." He said as he briefly coughed. He was numb. He looked oddly content as if he could smile once again and she saw that in his face as she surveyed him.

Everything was becoming a haze. Her face was a blur to him. Eyelids heavy.

She nodded knowing what that meant, but she couldn't lose him. "Dammit, where are those fucking paramedics?!"

"It doesn't matter anymore…" He said as his briefly took one last look at her. He took in her face, her features, her eyes and then his eyes closed.

"Bobby?" Nothing. "Bobby?" A small groan was the only sound she heard but it was a groan of contentment. Not pain.

The look in Bobby's eyes before he closed them made Alex shiver. He had that look, the look where he knew he was going to die. She knew that he thought it would be the last time he would ever see her, so there was something else that shimmered in his eyes in that very moment. Regret possibly? She wasn't sure of anything but if he died, those eyes would haunt her until the day _she _died.

A small smile crept up on his face and then it was gone. Turned into a frown. Before he could do or say anymore, he had lost consciousness. His neck tilted down suddenly and his body slouched heavily.

"Bobby? God dammit, Bobby!" She screamed as he continued to droop to the floor.

The only thing Alex could do is help him. She guided him to the ground as best as possible and continued to apply pressure to his wound.

"Bobby?" She pleaded with him once more. He was utterly still, almost deathlike, with no groans of pain, so she swiftly reached up and checked his pulse and found a faint one.

The last thing Bobby saw when he looked into her face frightened him. He wanted to reach for her and touch her one last time. He never got to say goodbye, he never got to tell her that he'd miss her and most importantly, he never got to tell her how much he loved her. He felt remorse caused by his own actions. He didn't mean to do _this _to her. He was doing it to help, not hinder. It was too late though, he was paralyzed. He tried to come out of the darkness but he couldn't.

Suddenly, there was sound. Alex felt like she had been slapped back into reality. She perked her head up and heard the sirens coming down the street. She prayed for, Bobby. She realized he didn't want to live, or at least that's how she perceived it, but _she_ needed him.

"Bobby, do you hear that? They're coming." She informed him, but she knew that he didn't hear her. He couldn't hear her.

She could still feel his faint heart beat beneath her red, slippery hands and that gave her at least some hope.

_At least he's not in any pain. God, this is more than I can fuckin' take. _She mused as the realization of what was happening was fully starting to take effect. It all felt like a nightmare. _Did he really do this to himself?_ She wept as she tried to hold it together.

_You better not die on me, Bobby. You better not… _She mentally kept repeating over and over as she silently prayed. Alex prayed that god was listening to her.

She only hoped her prayers would be answered.

**A/N: My little disclaimer: I know nothing about any medical 'stuff.' I hated my anatomy and physiology class, so don't expect me to know much in **_**that**_** department. **

**Secondly, I personally believe that the bullet would go through a badge but this is my story…so lets just pretend that it ricochet off of it instead. Cool?**

**So, what did you think? I must say, thank you to all that reviewed the first chapter. I was very surprised. **

**Thirdly, like I said before, I realize I am stretching some things here but isn't that the point of fanfiction? I mean, if you want it to be _reality_, then go watch the episodes. LOL I write fanfiction to let my mind travel and sometimes I don't have control over where it goes.**

**-Snyder-**

**NOTE: Yes, this used to have a song in this chapter. It was "Breathe Into Me" by Red, but I decided to take it out. You can always go and look the song up though. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N:** Just remember my little disclaimer about not knowing shit when it comes to the medical field! (Stands up and claps for doctors)

**CHAPTER: 3**

Alex continued to apply pressure to a motionless Goren, when she heard the paramedics come down the hallway.

"In here! Hurry!" She yelled.

She heard them, their sounds became louder and louder as they edged closer to their destination. Alex started to feel restless, but even worse, helpless. There was nothing she could do but sit and wait. At this very moment, Alex felt more powerless than she ever had in her entire life and it was killing her. This was worse then when her husband, Joe, died. This situation, with Bobby, was different. By the time she arrived at the hospital, Joe was already dead, but Bobby, Bobby was still alive. He was still with her. There was still hope and she desperately held onto it. She had to.

When the paramedics reached the door, they roughly pushed on it to gain further access. Bobby was more away from the door since he now lied on the ground, so it didn't take much effort on their part to gain access to him.

They started working on him immediately. There were three of them and one of the paramedics bent down next to Alex and replaced his hands over his wound where Alex had been applying pressure.

When her hands slipped off of Bobby's body, she felt unsettled. She was now standing there, watching him. Them…working on him. Bobby still wasn't moving and she whimpered in return. If it wasn't for the fact that she heard one of the paramedics announce that he had a weak pulse and that they needed to move fast, she would've thought for sure he was dead. He looked extinct already and her stomach clenched at the revelation.

"Gunshot wound to the chest." She absently muttered as her eyes continued to look at Bobby's lifeless form.

One of the paramedics only nodded in response. She felt stupid for saying it, she figured they already knew that, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. What the hell was she suppose to say? "Gunshot wound to the chest, and oh, by the way, he did this to himself." Yeah right.

In the short time working on Bobby, the three male paramedics swiftly checked his pulse, temporarily bandaged him up, put an oxygen mask on him and hooked him up to an IV. Promptly strapping him to the gurney, they made their way out of his apartment and turn down the hall; heading towards the nearest elevator.

Alex started to follow them when she froze mid-step. She gaped down towards her feet at the object that lie on the ground. After inspecting it a few seconds, she bent down and picked it up. It was Bobby's marred badge that was now lying in her palm. She never noticed it before now and she furrowed her eyes brows as she quizzically looked at it. Glancing down the hallway to see them making their way to the elevator, she shoved it in her pocket along with his cell phone that lie on the ground, and jogged to catch up with them; after quickly pulling out her spare key and locking the door.

Alex swiftly reached up and grabbed onto one of Bobby's hands that hung limp off the side. That's when she noticed it; up close and personal for the first time. She had seen it before, briefly in the hospital when he lay asleep, but when she went to get a better look, to softly rub her thumb over it; he had woken up and pulled away.

_His wrists. _

The marred, raw marks that formed around both wrists and ankles from those bastards back at Tates. It looked horrible…painful. She knew they'd leave scares and the constant reminder of what he went through every time he looked down at them. It made her cringe in response.

As they exited the elevator, she continued to hold onto his hand, grasping it, wishing that she could bring life back into it.

_When had it gotten this bad, Bobby?_ _Why didn't you come and talk to me? You know I'm always here for you! _She pleaded and screamed inside as she rubbed her fingers softly over his damaged wrist. She was a nervous wreck.

She couldn't help but feel some sort of guilt in this whole charade. She knew he'd been through a lot in the past year, hell his whole life, and when he went undercover, unauthorized, she knew there would be drastic repercussions to follow; not only physically, but mentally as well.

As they made their way outside his building, people were gathered from numerous apartments around; most of them from Bobby's building. She figured they had heard the gun go off or the commotion outside. It sure wasn't one of the quietest things to have happened.

Most of them primarily had a sympathetic look in their eyes from what she could gather through the darkness, and Alex only looked at them briefly and nodded. There was nothing she could say to them and for the first time since her husband's murder, she felt her whole body fill up with that same, all too familiar bitterness once again. She felt like a grieving wife again, only this time, Bobby wasn't her husband. Aching consumed her like it did with, Joe. She loved this man, Bobby Goren, just as much, if not more in some respects, than her husband. She came to respect Bobby and she loved him for everything that he was; both good and bad. They had a deep connection that she wasn't even sure of, only felt, and she was afraid she was going to lose that. Afraid she was going to lose him.

She climbed into the ambulance without even asking. They only looked at her and she glared back. She wasn't one to be messed with right now and they sensed it.

On the way to the hospital, the paramedics asked her numerous medical questions about him; all in which she could answer. As she responded to their questions, he hand never left Bobby's. She always had some part of her hand touching his body at all times. For now, it was her only connection to him and she couldn't lose that.

As they pulled up to the hospital, she briefly pulled his hand up to her mouth and kissed his knuckles before they pulled him out of the ambulance. She walked by his side as long as she could before she was stopped by two nurses in front of wide double doors that lead into the operating room.

_I love you, Bobby. Come back to me… _She pleaded as she leaned up against the wall with her face buried in her hands.

When Alex finally gathered herself, she went back to the waiting room and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. She knew she had to, but she dreaded doing it. Reluctantly, she dialed Captain Ross' number. Quickly mumbling that Detective Goren was shot and what hospital they were at, she closed the phone before he was able to ask any questions. She knew Ross would have many questions for her; she just wasn't ready to answer them right now.

Alex Eames sat there and waited. Forty five minutes later, a very confused Ross walked into the room. He was dressed in regular everyday clothing since it was late and she had called him at his home.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, taking a seat next to Alex.

She just stared down, arms resting on her legs as she gazed at her hands which were coated in dried blood. She honestly wasn't sure herself. After examining his badge more closely, she noticed that the dent was made from, what looked to be a bullet. The rest of the pieces she tried to put back together, and had to some degree, she just wasn't sure what was truth and fiction.

_Here it goes…all hell is going to break loose._

Sighing heavily, Alex stiffened as she pulled out Bobby's badge from her coat pocket and handed it to Ross.

Ross looked down in his hand and his eyes widened. "Who's is this?" He asked confused. He was afraid she was turning in her badge. Quitting and throwing it all away.

"It's, Bobby's."

"Why is it dented?" He slowly asked, only slightly relieved.

"I—I think it's from a bullet. What I think may have happened is that, Bobby shot at it for whatever reason and the bullet ricocheted back and hit him in the chest."

_Sure, that sounds about right. _She mused. _But still…why?_

Ross thought about it for a moment and then spoke up. "Why the hell would he—"

"I don't know." She exclaimed, cutting Ross off. "I just don't know."

"So…he—he shot himself?" Alex nodded.

"I—I guess so. Depends on what way you look at it. Not directly from what I saw." She lied. "I'm not completely sure of anything yet and I won't be until I talk to him."

_I hope I get the chance to._

A single tear fell down her cheek. Ross reached up and rubbed her arm.

"He'll be ok. It's, Goren. He has to be ok." She only nodded and hoped that he would be, but she also knew he wasn't made of steel.

She tried to think of something to say but couldn't say anymore. She sure in the hell wasn't going to tell Ross that, Bobby didn't want to live. It would only make things worse; if that were possible.

Alex managed to get cleaned up a bit and resumed her place in the waiting area with Ross. Four hours later a doctor came out in scrubs and headed towards them. Both Alex and Ross stood up simultaneously as the doctor approached them; stopping a few feet in front of them.

Sensing the inability for Alex to gather her words, Ross spoke up. "How is he?"

"He's lucky…" The middle-aged doctor stated. "He's alive and stable. His heart stopped once for about a minute before surgery, but we were able to restart it. He made it through surgery as best as could be expected given the circumstances. The bullet penetrated his left lung, which caused a large pneumothorax, but we were able to remove the bullet and repair the lung. He's lost a substantial amount of blood but we've been giving him blood transfusions. We think he should be fine but…another few minutes and—" The doctor drifted off. He knew there was no need to finish his statement.

"Will he be ok?" Alex finally spoke up.

"As of now, he's still critical. There is no full guarantee in this field, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. He's in a coma, but his body is healing fine, better than can be expected given the exigency. He was in bad shape when they first brought him in, but he's doing well now. All we can do now is wait and see. That's the million dollar question: Will he wake up? If he does, he should be fine, but he's been out of it the entire time he's been in here and after losing him for about a minute, along with the blood loss, I'm not 100 percent positive right now."

Ross and Alex both nodded in understanding.

"Can we see him?" Alex questioned.

"Of course, right this way." The doctor led them to Bobby's room. "I've found that the more visitors and voices a patient hears, the more likely it is for them to pull through." He said as he nodded towards the door.

Alex was the first one to walk into his room. It shocked her to see Bobby lying there like _that_. It felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. He was still, so still. It frightened her. He looked deathlike. The Bobby Goren she knew could never sit or lie so tranquil. He looked…at peace, surprisingly enough. The only sounds that plagued the room were the unsettling sounds of medical instruments which always seemed to frighten, Alex.

"The ventilator?" She choked out.

The doctor sensed her disturbance and tried to re-assure her as best as he could. "Intubation was required in his condition." He nodded towards Bobby. "He can't fully breathe on his own…the ventilator is to help him. We need to let his lung heal, but I'm confident that when he _does_ wake up, he'll be able to breath on his own. Until then, he needs the assistance. It _will _be touch and go until he decides to wake up but when he does, I'd forecast a 100 percent recovery."

After the doctor left, Alex grabbed a chair that was at the foot of the bed and pulled it up next to Bobby. She cautiously reached for his right hand and held it in hers. A few seconds later, she placed her right hand on top of his, enveloping his large hand in her two smaller ones. She knew she shouldn't be crossing _those _boundaries, especially in front of their captain, but she didn't care.

_Fuck protocol right now._

"He'll be ok, Alex." Ross said, trying once again to reassure her. He noticed Alex holding Bobby's hand but didn't think anything of it. It didn't matter right now. "If you need anything, please let me know." He paused. "I'm not sure what to do…or report—"

"Sir, please don't tell anyone about this." She turned to him. "He doesn't need anymore shit going around about him…about 'Crazy Goren.'" She dipped her head down as she mumbled the last few words. "I know its protocol to report…this but…but if it is reported and this incident is investigated further, he'll lose everything and because of that…it _would _kill him."

Ross looked back and forth, his eyes shifting from her to the still man lying on the bed and then nodded. He understood what she meant. He knew that Bobby was a good detective, one of the best, and although he did deserve _some _of his 'Crazy Goren' reputation, not all of it was warranted. He's a great detective and does whatever it takes to get the job done.

"It's ok, Alex. I know you're not telling me the whole story, but I don't think I want to know. I don't think _you_ even know the whole story. I know you know what's best for Bobby and I trust you to handle this. I trust that you will be taking care of him and helping him through this. I _will _keep this from going on his record as best as I can. I was never here. I trust you'll find out what really did happen?" She nodded. "I'll do the best I can to keep it away from the Chief of D's. As of now, you're both on a month of vacation leave. I've already been hassled enough about not making you take time off, so this will be the perfect time to make you take it. Ok?"

Alex was stunned by the support that Ross was giving her…both of them. She wanted to run up and place a hand over his head to see if he was sick. Or perhaps check his finger prints and make sure it was him, but she didn't have the energy. The funny thought that came to her mind was already long gone.

"Y—yes sir. Thank you." She paused. "I will…I will take care of him. Thank you so much." She smiled though it didn't show through the tears. Both of them knew that she had no intention of leaving Bobby alone.

_You're stuck with me, Goren. I won't leave you…I'll be right by your side the entire way._

After Ross left, Alex stood up from the chair and sat on the side of the bed. She took her right hand and gradually reached up to stroke Bobby's face. She smiled at the five o'clock shadow that was already starting to appear.

"Bobby, I know you can hear me." She whispered. "I'm not letting you leave me…and I'm not leaving you. I'm not giving up on you." She paused to gather her words and her true feelings for him. "I'll never give up on you, Robert Goren. You can't leave me. You mean too much to me. God, why, Bobby? Why did you do this? Please, Bobby, please wake up." She pleaded.

She continued to wonder if it was an accident. She found herself replaying the incident over in her head and the possible scenarios that could have occurred, but she only ended up with a headache in return and without and real answers.

_Why would he fire his gun at his badge? Was it really just an accident? __No, no, it couldn't have been an accident, not after he told me to just, 'let him die.' _She sobbed once more. She had to find out from Bobby what really happened.

It felt like a nightmare. A bad delusion. Her worst fear was coming true; losing her partner, her best friend and the person she loved and adored. She knew he was…well, she didn't want to say a disturbed man, but she new he was internally scarred for life. So much shit had occurred in his life. Every time she saw him answer his cell phone, a phone call from Carmel Ridge, his facial expressions were too much to watch. It ruined his whole day and her heart clinched for this man.

Though she never told him, she was relieved after his mother passed away. She knew that it would be difficult for him and that he would be upset and close himself off to her even more so than before, if that were possible, but she hoped that afterwards, he would begin to heal. She hoped that he'd realize that it was for the best and he would be able to move on with his life once and for all.

She never really blamed him for not talking to anyone about his problems. She knew he was fed up with the rumors, the hate that people seemed to direct towards him; even though he never verbalize his resentment towards people.

_I wish people would fucking realize the true man that, Bobby Goren is! _She screamed inside. _Who wouldn't hurt if all the rumors were directed at you? Crazy Goren!_ She shook her head.

He was such a kind, gentle soul and no matter how many times he pushed her away, she would never leave him. Not completely. No matter how many times he built a wall around himself to keep her out, she had always been apart of him and always would be. Bobby had permanently claimed a piece of her heart whether he knew it or not…whether he wanted it or not.

Alex slowly got off the bed and resumed her seat next to his bed; never letting go of his hand. She leaned back exhausted and tried to get comfortable in the chair as best as she could. She decided to try and get some sleep, some much needed sleep.

An hour or so later, an uneasy, restless sleep overcame her.

Silence.

**A/N: So, what did you think of this chapter? You guys still out there? (Taps on screen).**

**-Snyder-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 4**

_**You can't quit until you try  
**__**You can't live until you die**_

An hour or so later, Alex awoke frightfully. Her brows were dripping in beads of sweat and she could feel her heart racing. She had a nightmare…a nightmare about, Bobby. She was so close to reaching him, his and her hands were both stretched out to grasp each others, but he was too far away. He fell. His eyes showing her shock and disappointment that she could not save him. Then he was gone. Swallowed by the darkness as she silently screamed.

_**You can't learn to tell the truth  
**__**Until you learn to lie**_

As her sobs grew, Alex could no longer control herself. She looked at her sleeping partners face and shook at she thought of having to live the rest of her life without him.

She suddenly felt sick.

Alex hastily pushed herself out of the chair and ran into the bathroom. She threw up what little contents remained in her stomach. As she thought about the possibility of loosing Bobby, she threw up once more, only to dry heave.

She _was _re-living the worst day of her life over again. The problem she was struggling to comprehend was the fact that he did this to himself. She couldn't help but think back to his life; the little she truly knew about it. The little he told her. She wondered what his childhood was like. _Hell. _She knew it wasn't pleasant but look how well he turned out.

_And then for him to want to throw it all away!_ _Goddamn him for making me feel this way! _

"Fuck you, Bobby…FUCK YOU!" And as the last word slipped off of her tongue, echoing throughout the chilled bathroom, she found herself pleading for forgiveness. She slid onto the ground, pulled her knees up to her chest and wept. She didn't care that she sat on the floor in a filthy hospital bathroom. It didn't even cross her mind.

Alex cried, begged, and pleaded for everything to be ok. She was angry at him, but she found herself loving him even more.

_**You can't breathe until you choke  
**__**You gotta laugh when you're the joke  
**__**There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive**_

Bobby caged the world off from himself. She often wondered how lonely he really was. She found herself trembling even more so than before as she realized that her life was just as lonely. The only true people she had, besides Bobby, though she knew he would not admit to being _that _factor in a part of her life, were her family; and Bobby didn't even have that. Alex's bled tears for this man. He was so much to her, meant so much to her; though she had never told him.

She continued to cry as she came back into the room and headed straight to his bed. Cautiously, she embraced him. He lay there still, so gentle yet so sorrowful and ragged. Even in a coma, he looked fragile, lost and distant; solitary perhaps. He looked like he was continuously fading from this world. He did not wish to be rescued but she wouldn't allow it. He was damaged goods but he was all hers. She rested her head on his right shoulder and listened to his heart beat. It was comforting to her.

_God, Bobby, please…please just wake up. I'd do anything to see those big brown eyes of yours again. Just open your eyes…_

_**Just open your eyes  
**__**Just open your eyes  
**__**And see that life is beautiful.  
**__**Will you swear on your life,  
**__**That no one will cry at my funeral!?**_

Alex held Bobby for a little over an hour until her body began to protest at the awkward position. Uneasily, she steadied herself and laggardly moved off the bed and out of his embrace; though he obviously wasn't holding her, she needed to hold him. She didn't want to let him go. She feared it, which she knew was ridiculous because he was no more than a few feet away from her. But still…

Painstakingly, after planting both feet on the ground, Alex bent down and reached into the drawer that was beside his bed. Slowly, she pulled out his bag of belongings that he came in with. Even though it was covered in blood, she yanked the dark blue button up shirt that he was wearing when he was shot, out of the bag. His black shirt that he wore underneath his button-up shirt was long gone; cut off by the surgeons. His jeans were also long gone. The only salvages were his shoes, wallet, watch and his large button-up shirt that was stained with his own being…his own blood. She was rather surprised that it was not tossed away with his other clothes, but it was the least of her concerns either way.

Just like she had done when she was in the evidence room, holding her husbands shirt, she did the same with, Bobby's. She inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent of him and ignoring the others. God she loved the smell of him. To his expensive cologne to his hypnotizing after shave, they all had the same effect on her. It brought a faint smile to her face as she continued to hold it tightly in the palms of her hands, in front of her face. She ignored the red, now dried liquid that covered a third of the shirt along with the tiny hole.

Alex closed her eyes tightly and she remembered; all that she knew and all that she didn't. Images flashed before her of him sitting on his apartment floor. She shook as she recalled trying to desperately get to him. All the blood. So much of it. And then, the thing that hurt her most of all…he had told her to just leave him.

_I don't care how much bloodshed there is, Bobby, but I will never leave you. I can't. It's too late to turn away now… _

And she lost it. Completely lost it. She was mourning over Bobby and he wasn't even gone…not entirely. She was miserable as a whimper of grievance was sent throughout Bobby's quiet hospital room.

_**I know some things that you don't  
**__**I've done things that you won't  
**__**There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home**_

While Alex had her face buried in Bobby's shirt, sobbing uncontrollably and shaking, Bobby started to wake up. He heard her cries that managed to seep through his darkness that was previously engulfing him. It was oddly eerie and to this day, he still can't explain it, but Bobby instinctively woke up when he heard her cries of sorrow. He knew it was her. Bobby always felt like her guardian, her protector and whenever she was hurt, he hurt in return. It affected him in more ways than he could ever say. She _was _the reason for his wakening, though it would never be proven medically.

Slowly and painfully through the gloomy fog, Bobby opened his eyes. His eyes still held the misery inside of them, but he had other troubles to worry about. His dark eyes desperately searched for the sounds that disturbed him and then he saw her. His eyes planted steadily on Alex, who was sitting not more than two feet away from him. At first he thought he was dreaming, perhaps dead and now looking at her a deceased man. Then, he started to quiver. He felt nothing but pain. He was definitely alive.

_**I was waiting for my hearse  
**__**What came next was so much worse  
**__**It took a funeral to make me feel alive**_

He started to tremble, shocked by what he was witnessing. Bobby's eyes were fixed on her trembling form; watching her as she cried and grasped onto his bloody shirt.

_Oh god…My shirt! _Bobby was confused. _Why would she care about me? _

He knew it was his. He recognized it and fear, panic, pain, sadness, guilt, along with the medications he was currently on, all swept through him at once. He immediately became disoriented.

_Oh, god! I'm the one that's making her cry!? _He was scared, but not sure of what.

_**Just open your eyes  
**__**Just open your eyes  
**__**And see that life is beautiful.  
**__**Will you swear on your life,  
**__**That no one will cry at my funeral!?**_

Fear plagued his eyes as he began to gasp for air. The ventilator kept him from speaking, which only raised his level of panic. He then recognized the machine, knowing he was hooked to a ventilator and mentally stopped for a moment.

And then it him like a tone of bricks. Like the world had fallen on top of him. He remembered. Everything. Him being shot in his apartment, to the pain that shot out of Alex's voice as she tried to fight her way into his apartment. The blood. The feeling he had. The slap she planted on his left cheek, to the look in her eyes. He thought for sure he would be dead…that he was going to die. Bobby thought he was dead when he had first woken up…until now. He remembered panicking the last time he looked into her eyes. He didn't mean to hurt her…and look what he was doing to her now. Bobby began to thrashed and flail his arms as much as his body would allow.

_Goddammit, what the fuck did I do? Alex!!_

His thoughts were spiraling out of control and the medicine wasn't helping any.

_**Alive...  
**__**Just open your eyes  
**__**Just open your eyes  
**__**And see that life is beautiful.  
**__**Will you swear on your life,  
**__**That no one will cry at my funeral!?**_

Alex quickly shifted her head the moment she heard movement. Her eyes immediately spotted the source of the disturbance

_Bobby!?_

And momentarily she was frozen, unable to move as she watched him thrash in the bed. She witnessed the sheer panic in his actions; especially in his eyes. Then she blinked once and sprang into action as she pulled herself back to reality.

_Oh my god, he's awake! _She jumped up, leaving the shirt where it now lay on the ground.

_**Just open your eyes  
**__**Just open your eyes  
**__**And see that life is beautiful.  
**__**Will you swear on your life,  
**__**That no one will cry at my funeral!?**_

**A/N: So, the song is called, "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx: A.M.**

**Well, how did you like it? **

**So, I did a bunch of research and have been reading numerous medical books and websites for the past several hours (yeah, my brain hurts) so, in order to follow "somewhat" behind the medical field, I decided to make this **_**hospital visit **_**a bit more realistic. I'll try my best anyways.**

**-Snyder-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER 5:**

"Bobby!" Alex shrieked as she rushed to Bobby's bedside. "Bobby, calm down. You're going to hurt yourself. Calm down." She continued as she hit the call button for the nurse.

She was at a loss and not sure what to do or why he was panicking. Thinking back to this moment later on, she felt rather stupid for telling a man who had _supposedly_ wanted nothing more than to die, to calm down or he'd hurt himself.

Bobby did no such thing, however. In fact, he'd hardly even heard the words that had come out of her mouth. He was literally panicking and couldn't stop whaling around as horrid images flashed before him. They were already haunting him like so many other things in his dreadful life.

_Not again. Please, god, not anymore._

Before Alex could say anymore, the nurses had come in, along with the doctor not far behind. "Mr. Goren." The doctor pushed passed the nurses as he spoke. "Can you hear me? You need to relax."

Bobby continued to thrash about like a fish out of water. He was acting as if he hadn't even heard the doctor's words.

The doctor turned towards Alex as Bobby continued to frail. "If he doesn't relax than we will be forced to sedate him and put restraints on him for his own safety as well as the staff here."

Alex's eyes were on Bobby when the doctor told her this. The doctor's statement was meant for her ears only, she could tell by the way the doctor had lowered his voice, but by the wide-eyed look Bobby now had etched on his features, she knew he had heard the doctor. Loud and clear. The two words: sedative and restraints had been like a trigger that went off somewhere inside of him.

More panic. From both of them this time.

He immediately started thrashing with more forced and attempted to sit up to try and runaway from it all, but he only gasped in pain. Both Alex and the doctor had reached for him when he went to sit up, but he didn't get far. He collapsed back down onto the bed.

"No!" Alex gasped in horror as her voice finally kicked in. "You can't." She pleaded as she witnessed Bobby sinking back into the bed.

Bobby was thankful that she defended his plea that he held in his eyes, but was unable to verbally omit due to the ventilator.

_She gets it._

Bobby did not wish to be strapped down and sedated. Not again. He had too much of that while he was at Tates. He remembered back at the hospital, after Alex and Ross had managed to get him out of there, when they sedated them. He hated it but at least they didn't strap him down. He briefly remembered Alex telling them not to. She didn't leave his side. It was almost like déjà vu all over again now…especially when he heard Alex scream in his defense once more.

"If he doesn't stop than he is going to rip out his stitches and I am unable to properly evaluate him." The doctor tried to explain once more.

_Does it look like I fucking care about myself you ignorant jackass!? _Bobby thought in disgust.

He didn't care if they doctor evaluated him or not, just as long as he wasn't strapped down again. As the seconds passed, Bobby's movements started to become less effective. He was already worn out and in more pain than when he had first woken up. The medication he was on didn't help matters any.

Alex and the doctor both took note of this. She recognized that he was struggling to keep up with his thrashing movements. She was trying to settle him down by soothing him, but she didn't want to touch him. Not yet. She wasn't sure what he would do and she was afraid to pull his IV out or god knows what.

"Come on, Bobby, let us help you. Please." She tried once more to calm his movements down so that they ceased completely.

She begged him now and leaned over his bed, closer to him than before. She was asking him, pleading with him now and he recognized the plea. There was tenderness deep in the depths of her eyes and he feared that he was the cause of it. He knew he was. His movements slowed and continued to slow until they finally halted all together just as the doctor reached to inject a sedative into his IV drip.

A deep groan briefly came from Bobby as he lied utterly still for the first time since his wakening. It was the only sound in the room until Alex spoke up once more.

"That's it, Bobby. Calm down. Keep looking into my eyes." She continued to softly hush him.

The doctor put the sedative back in the drawer and looked between Alex and Bobby.

Tears continued to fall, but they were now tears of joy...mostly. She was scared for him though she would never admit it. She had so many mixed feelings running through her at the moment, but she knew she had time to sort them out later. She didn't know what was going to happen to him, but she did know that he was alive; his big brown eyes staring directly into hers. His facial expression, however, was unreadable. Alex had the sensation to scream at him and then hold onto him for dear life. She wasn't sure which one would ultimately come first.

Bobby kept his eyes glued to hers as the doctor came around the other side. He was afraid to break eye contact for fear that if he turned away, she'd be gone. He wouldn't blame her though.

"You didn't give him a sedative, did you?" Alex asked, breaking the silence. She was too caught up in Bobby to even notice whether he had or had not given him any.

"No, but if he becomes disordered again, I will be forced to. It is also required to put restraints on ventilator victims if they become a threat to themselves. They could pull out their ventilator tube or the IV."

Alex nodded and the doctor turned towards Bobby once more.

"Mr. Goren, I need to check your breathing. Is that ok?" He asked cautiously.

Bobby didn't act nor show any signs of even hearing the doctor. His eyes were continuously fixed on Alex, though he _had_ heard the doctor speak; he just didn't really care.

The doctor's glance shifted back over to Alex when Bobby didn't comply. She turned her head slightly towards the doctor, breaking eye contact with Bobby for a few moments and nodded her head in understanding, knowing what he wanted from her. The doctor's unspoken words said it all.

Looking back into Bobby's eyes, she continued to encourage him with soothing, comforting words.

"Bobby. Please let the doctor look at you. It's alright." She quietly exclaimed. "I'm right here."

Bobby looked deep into the depths of her eyes for a few moments and then he closed them. He knew that when he opened them, she would be there. He trusted her. He saw it in her eyes.

Alex took that as a sign of 'ok' and nodded to the doctor who went over towards Bobby. After taking out his stethoscope and listening to Bobby's breathing, he looked over towards the machines for a few moments, inspecting them, and then turned back to Alex.

"He'll be alright. His lung seems to be doing quite well. Later today, I'm going to need to get a few X-rays to be sure. It's a routine procedure just to get a better look. If it all goes well, then we can begin to wean him off the ventilator."

"Thank you."

The doctor nodded. "If you need anything or have any questions, please feel free to ask." He said as he made his way back over towards Bobby's IV drip.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked unsure. "I thought you weren't going to give him a sedative?" Her voice grew louder.

"I'm not." He quickly spoke up. "It's just morphine to relieve the pain and to help him sleep. He needs his rest. It's the best thing for him right now." He stopped just as he was about to insert it into the IV drip. "Is that ok?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes. Thank you." She sat down in the chair next to Bobby as she studied the doctor's actions.

The doctor didn't know the whole story behind it, but he had noticed the bruising around Bobby's wrists and ankles when they had first admitted him. He knew it wasn't from the gunshot incident because the marks had already started to heal somewhat. It looked like some sort of restraint marks, but he didn't know to what degree they were used. He wasn't going to ask either because it was irrelevant, but he pieced together that this was the reason she was being so protective of Bobby. He noted that she didn't want him in restraints and he could tell by Bobby's reaction that he did not wish to be in them either.

After the doctor left, Alex turned her attention back to a much need, Bobby Goren. He was lying on his back, of course, but his head was tilted to the other side of the room.

He was ignoring her now and she frowned in return.

"Bobby, look at me." She uttered. "God, please look at me."

Bobby slowly opened his eyes again and turned towards her. He was exhausted. So many things were perpetuating through his mind. He felt horrible. Physically he was in pain, but he didn't care about that. No, he could give a rat's ass about himself. He was still the same fucked up man before he had "shot" himself. If only he could change. All he cared about at this very moment, though, was the person standing next to him: but what could he do? Nothing…or at least that's how he felt. He felt ashamed for making her cry. He hated to be the cause of her distress. It only made him feel worse.

_Worthless!_

He wanted to tell her not to cry, but the ventilator kept him from saying anything and it was frustrating. He was already becoming anxious, which is a common reaction with patients who are hooked up to ventilators, but he felt the morphine start to work and his muscles began to relax. His whole body started to dip even further into the bed. He felt oddly relieved, but he knew when he woke up, there would be things he would need to deal with.

He tried to reach up with his right hand to wipe Alex's tears, he knew he'd caused, away or just to touch her and feel her beneath his hand, but he only made it half way before his arm gave out. He was weak. Tired from the painful journey and too sore to attempt it again. The morphine the doctor had just given him moments ago, combined with god know what other medications he assumed he was on, didn't help matters any. He turned away from her in total disgust.

_Weak!_

"Easy, Bobby." She reached for his hand and held onto it right as it fell back onto the bed. "It's ok." She murmured, sensing his lack of strength at the moment.

She decided at that moment, to cross _those _boundaries with him when he was awake to see and feel it and she did not regret it. She held onto his right hand tightly and to her surprise, Bobby weakly squeezed back.

He wanted to argue with her and scream his lungs out, but his eyelids became too heavy for him to protest. He would have to save that for another time.

"You'll be ok, Bobby. Just rest. We can talk later." She cooed. "I'll be here when you wake up." She promised.

Alex resisted the urge to touch him any further. She wanted to stroke the side of his face and hold onto him in a full embrace, but she knew she shouldn't. She couldn't. She, however, had no plans of loosening her grip around his hand and by the grip; though loose he had around her tiny hand, neither did he. His grip only loosened when he had finally fallen asleep.

**A/N: So, in all, how did you guys like this chapter? I bet you can't wait until that damn ventilator is gone (Smiles). Just hang in there. In the next chapter, it'll be long gone!**

**-Snyder-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER 6:**

Several hours later, a few nurses entered Bobby's room along with the doctor; the same doctor that had been his primary throughout this whole mess. Alex was still holding onto Bobby's hand when they entered and only dropped his hand when the doctor told her that they needed to get some X-rays of Bobby's chest. Bobby was still asleep but had woken up when they wheeled the portable X-ray machine in so that he didn't have to be moved from his room.

Alex was asked to wait out in the hall while they took the X-rays and, though she wasn't surprised by it, she was leery of it. She knew she had to, but she was hesitant to do so. She didn't want to leave his side but she had no choice and didn't raise any argument. What could she honestly say in her defense? She was being over-protective of him and had every right to be.

She was exhausted and it showed as she made her way into the hallway and heavily leaned against the wall just outside his room. It was around noon, at least that's what she guessed, and she hadn't had a decent nights rest in a couple days now and it showed. She wasn't even sure what day it really was. She wasn't sure how long or how many days it had been since Bobby had been shot. Truth be told, she didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about it. She only wanted to look ahead, but she was well aware that the past would come back to haunt him. It already haunted her. It was the reason for her lack of sleep amongst other things.

As she waited in the hallway, she felt herself become anxious.

_What would Bobby say to me after the doctors remove the ventilator? Would the doctor even give the 'ok' to remove it? Would Bobby shy away from me now? Push me away completely? Become angry?_

Alex wasn't sure what the future would bring, she only hoped that it would be something good; a new beginning for him. This was unfamiliar territory to her and she hoped that she would never have to go through this again. It was mentally draining and she never wished this upon anyone to deal with. She felt the need to scream.

_I just want to get him the hell out of here…or do I? Would I be able to take care of him, watch over him once he leaves? _

Now she wasn't sure of anything and she was too fucking tired to figure it out.

About fifteen minutes later, Bobby's doctor came out of the room to speak with her briefly. It had been good news. Bobby's lung was fully inflated again and they could begin the extubation process. The doctor wanted to talk to Alex before he did anything. He explained the process and how some patients become dependent on the machine but he felt that this shouldn't be a problem in Bobby's case due to the fact that he wasn't on it very long. They had already lowered the oxygen intake in the ventilator when he had first woken up, so they didn't expect any problems. The doctor also went on to describe how some patients are afraid of the removal of the machine because they fear that they might not be able to breathe on their own. That's when he asked if she minded being in the room during this process; of course she had no objections.

_I'll always be by Bobby's side._

After the doctor went over a few more details, step by step with Alex, they made their way back inside Bobby's room; Alex in the lead with the doctor only a few steps behind. When she entered the room, Bobby's eyes immediately went to her. He looked relieved to see her. She wasn't sure what to expect, but he obviously wasn't shying away from her. He looked calmer than when he had first woken up.

_Definitely more relaxed. Thank god._

Alex wondered if it was the medication making him more content. She knew him better than that though. _Don't be fooled. _She wasn't sure if he was scared deep down inside or lonely, or both, but she knew he was anything but 'ok.' This wasn't the time to analyze her partner though she _did _wonder what they said to him while he was out of the room.

Before they started the extubation process, the doctor went to Bobby's bedside to explain a few things. The doctor assured Bobby that a nurse would be in every couple of hours to check his breathing, but Bobby seemed to stare right passed him. Bobby only looked at the doctor briefly when he first started talking, with an unreadable look, but then quickly shifted his glance back towards Alex.

"Mr. Goren, we're going to take your breathing tube out now. Do you understand?" No reply was given on Bobby's behalf so the doctor continued. "Mr. Goren, it would help if you could voluntarily cough somewhat. Nothing too large or too much; it's just while we pull the ventilator out." The doctor softly spoke.

The doctor waited for Bobby to start coughing or any hint that he even heard him, but Bobby did nothing. The doctor was hesitant at first, but then turned back around towards Alex, who glanced his way briefly before nodding her head in understanding; knowing what he wanted from her.

"Bobby…" She softly spoke as she made her way next to him. "We need you to lightly cough, ok? Do you understand? Come on Bobby, you can do it." She cooed.

Bobby blinked and few times though never did his glance stray away from her eyes. He felt foolish to be honest. He had this fucking thing down his throat…god knows what the hell it's called. _Oh wait! Ven-ti-la-tor. _And he couldn't even speak. It felt like a large pacifier that enabled him to omit sound. He figured he looked ridiculous and helpless. He recognized that he looked like a child being tricked into doing something. It was one of _those _situations, but his eyes softened as he remembered who the person was that was doing the talking.

_As long as I get this thing off…or out of me. Whatever the hell it is. I just want to go home. Get the hell out of here. Anywhere but here._

Bobby had a terrible headache and flashes of last night kept toying with his memory. Ever since he had woken, that's all his mind would allow him to see. A gun. Blood. Pain. A flash of relief, and then Alex crying.

_Eames! _He remembered as she continued to coach him; her voiced passing through his clouded thoughts.

He started to gently coughed, though he felt as though he were doing nothing to help. The doctor reached towards Bobby, along with a few other nurses right behind him and started to unhook the hose followed by the removal of the rest of the unit. Bobby coughed involuntarily this time, but showed no sign of resistance or fear.

_Now, why do people fear this? _He questioned the minds of millions now. _You've got to be kidding me! With god knows how many doctors and nurses on staff. _He felt himself become a bit of a smart ass, though he was never one to be such a person. But still, he was intrigued by the minds of so many people. _There's not a safer place to be right now. _Not that he was looking for a safe place to rest. And then his mind started again. It never seemed to want to stop.

Alex sighed in relief not entirely sure what sort of reaction to expect from him. Immediately after the ventilator was removed, a nurse stepped forward and put a nasal cannula on Bobby to ease him back to breathing on his own and for more comfort. Bobby's thoughts were long gone again as he blinked a few times, looking towards the nurse. The doctor checked his breathing one more time and then smiled.

"Good. You're doing well." He said as he put the stethoscope back around his neck. "How do you feel?" Bobby only nodded slightly. "If you have _any _problems breathing, you need to let us know right away. Do you understand?"

Bobby made no attempt to acknowledge him with words and the doctor wasn't really surprised. The doctor never expected him to start chatting away once the unit was removed. Bobby looked disturbed. Not so much physically, but mentally. He was battling some sort of demon and it didn't take a shrink to see it. The doctor wasn't blind. He could see the way Robert Goren acted and he knew better than to push him. There was no real need to. He didn't seem violent, but the doctor had still been cautious. Bobby was more of a gentle giant, but the doctor found himself asking if it was for his own sake or the patients. He knew that his friend, Alex, would be there to help him through whatever he was going through. It was not his right or place to judge.

He was never told of Bobby's profession or Alex's. He was never told the whole story and to this day, the doctor still doesn't know that the bullet that nicked Bobby's lung was due to a measly attempt at suicide. It explains the reason that no precautions were made as usual when dealing with a suicidal victim. No restraints, no close watch, though Alex was always there, no nothing.

Alex looked back over to Bobby and decided to speak for him after a minute of silence. "I will…I _will_ let you know if he has any trouble breathing. I'll be here to watch him." She reassured the doctor.

_Of course she'll be here._

The doctor spoke to Bobby once more, but Bobby didn't even look at the doctor this time. In fact, he'd only caught the tail end of the conversation. Something about food he thinks.

_Oh great, probably on a strictly liquid based diet._

Alex was more focused on Bobby to hear what the whole conversation entitled. She was truly dumbstruck by Bobby's actions; or lack thereof. First off, she was surprised that Bobby had not said anything yet…but then again, she wasn't. It was complicated; Bobby was complicated and she didn't expect anything less of him.

He never seemed to deflect his eyes away from her for more than a few seconds and that in itself surprised her. She thought for sure he'd ignore her, but he only really did things that _she _asked him to do. The look in Bobby's eyes was something new to her. Something she's never had to deal with before. He looked like a lost, wounded puppy that desperately missed its owner. The only time she really recalled this look on him before was when he sat on the cold, dark floor of his apartment, bleeding and slowly dying; and right after he'd woken up. When the ventilator was removed, she expected some sort of reaction on Bobby's part; screaming, yelling, apologizing, something, but not this. It was unreadable. A blank stare.

Bobby _was_ confused and so was she as she found her thoughts drifting even further. _The more I look at him, the more he_ _does look scared. God, does he not remember anything that has happened? Is that why he looks confused? Maybe that's it…he's wondering why he's in the hospital. _And then it hit her. She felt sick again. _Oh god, those are the only memories he recalls right now._

_After all that has happened…I'm still…alive? God, why?_

He was brought out of his thoughts as he saw the doctor check his vitals one last time to make sure he was fully breathing on his own. He marked something on the clip board at the end of his bed and then went back over to Bobby's bedside. The doctor gave Bobby a shot of morphine to help with the pain and to sleep along with a few other antibiotics that were necessary.

"He needs his rest." The doctor said without looking at Alex. "Sleep is the best thing right now." And with that, Alex nodded one last time and the doctor left.

Alex shifted nervously in her chair. Finally, Alex and Bobby were alone. He could speak now, but she felt nervous about it. He had yet to say anything to her and it made her wonder about his thoughts and mental state. She had to break the silence.

"Bobby? It's ok…" She said, trying to comfort him. She didn't know what else to say. She had never had to deal with this before. Not when it was _this _close to home.

"No!" He tried to scream, talking for the first time since the ventilator had been removed. The last time he wanted to scream, he was unable to because of the ventilator and had just passed out instead. He decided to save his words for later and, now that he was free from the machine, his voice had failed him miserably. His words came out slightly above a whisper and he frowned because of it. "No it's not!" He tried again.

_Oh yeah, he definitely remembers._

Bobby's eyes began to water and he closed them tightly; as if his eyelids were the dam that kept the tears from falling. That's when he felt a hand grasp around his. He knew it was Alex. _Who else would be here with me? _Her hand was so small. So soft and reassuring, but reassuring him of what? Although hesitant at first, the feeling that began to overcome him had the same effect as the last time she had held his hand; when he had first woken up. He didn't pull his hand away from hers. He didn't dare break contact. It felt too damn good. It reassured him that someone was there with him.

_I truly am fucked up._

"It'll be ok now, Bobby. I promise." She attempted once more. She paused for a few moments and then finally mustered up the courage to ask him. She couldn't hold it in any longer. "Why, Bobby? What…why?" She jumbled up the words, but Bobby knew what she was trying to ask.

"I—I don't…I just…" His throat was sore and it hurt to talk but that was not what kept him from explaining _it _to her. He just couldn't, he couldn't say it. Not again. He vaguely remembered telling her to just leave him, let him die, but he wasn't going to state his true feelings to her again. He verbalized it once to her face but he wasn't about to lay there and tell her that he did not wish to live. Not again. "I am…I'm so tired…" He muttered with his eyes now closed.

_Morphine…damn._

"Go to sleep, Bobby. You _know _I'll be here."

_I always will be. _

Alex saw him fighting the medicine and stood up, though she never knew what possessed her to do this, and placed a hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beat and it reassured her. She gazed down upon him though she wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel.

His eyes shot open at the contact and he tiled his head down as much as his body would allow him to look at her hand that was placed above his heart. He wondered why she was here, with him, comforting him. He wondered why she was touching him but he wasn't going to protest. It was warm and inviting and he felt some relief at the warm sensation that filled his body.

_Am I analyzing this too much? Her hand is over my heart…_ But his thoughts became more disorganized as the seconds passed. _Fucking morphine and god knows what else._

He was nearing darkness. His eyelids were becoming heavier by the second but he needed to get something out first.

"Eames, I—I'm sorry. I didn't…I never meant for…for you to—" He paused trying to gather the correct words to use, but his mind was no help. His words seemed to be slurred. "Never meant for you…you to be there…and see me. No one was…was supposed to be there. I'm—"

"It's ok." She cut him off as her hand rubbed a small, comforting pattern against his chest. She saw it in his eyes; she heard it in his voice. He was struggling to speak and produce the words he wanted. "I'm just glad I _was _there." She closed her eyes briefly and reopened them. "Just rest." She reassured him, moving her hand off his chest to stroke his mostly gray hair around his temple. "We'll talk later, ok?"

This time, the touch felt natural to her and she didn't hesitate. It felt, to her, like she had done it time and time again. Truth was, she couldn't ever remember touching Bobby like this; caressing his face though she dared to call it that.

_Have I ever touched him like this? Caressed him like this?_

She tried to think of an occasion that they shared before, but ended up with nothing.

Bobby momentarily tensed at the feeling and then nodded as she continued to caress his face. It didn't take him long to relax and she even felt him lean his head into her touch.

It had been so many years since anyone had touched him like that, that it made him teary-eyed. He didn't know why she was touching him in these sorts of ways but he didn't want her to stop. He was afraid of it….afraid that he would never feel this sort of connection to another human being again; especially her. Even if it was pity, he'd take it for the time being. He just needed to feel again. To feel something, anything but pain and guilt.

_With the touch of your hand… _Bobby got this weird, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach as a song came to his mind. He had no idea where the hell it had come from…he couldn't even recall the beat, only the words. _Oh god. _Yup, he remembered. He felt what the men were feeling in the song and what they were singing about and then he felt awkward because he recalled that it was sung by a band of all gay men that were singing about other men. _God, I must be high. _And then he his body completely relaxed. _Yup, no fighting the medicine any longer. _He couldn't fight it. _Jesus! What and how much did the doctor give me? _Bobby weakly smiled at the random thought, missing the questioning look Alex had on her face, and with a content sigh that followed, Bobby let the darkness overcome him as Alex's hand continued to caress his graying stubble.

_Please don't let me forget what it feels like to be touched by Alex… _And that was his last thought before he fell into a deep sleep.

Alex wondered what he had been thinking about. She didn't know and figured she probably never would know. She summed the small smile up to him being on medication; strong medication.

Once she was sure he was asleep, she sat back down in her chair to think.

_He didn't seem to mind me touching him…but who knows Bobby. He's going to be ok though, physically anyways. It's going to be a long haul, but I WILL help him through this. _And those were her last thoughts as she silently fell asleep in a chair next to Bobby's side.

Alex awoke a few hours later. When she slowly opened her eyes, she was greeted by Bobby's piercing ones. His hand was on his cheek where her hand had been hours earlier; she didn't make the connection though.

He had remembered.

When Alex tried to look deep into his eyes and smile, he turned his head to the other side; not wanting to make eye contact with her. It hurt, but he could still feel her hand on his unshaven face.

Instinctively, Alex stood up and closed the small gap between her and the bed.

"Bobby?"

He was so unstable that she was afraid to say the wrong thing.

"Eames, I—" He began as he licked his bottom lip. "I don't know what to say." His voice sounded stronger than before though his head was still turned away from her.

Bobby began to softly sob as he let his hand slip off his face and back onto the bed. _Never again. _So many things were running through his mind. He wasn't happy anymore. He knew something was wrong with him…it was the medicine making him loopy and out of character hours ago. This was the Bobby he knew himself to be. Depressed.

He wasn't sure what was true or fiction, but he honestly didn't believe that he would make it out of there; out of his apartment. He thought for sure he was going to die and it didn't scare him. Now, to wake up in the hospital and find his partner sitting next to him, taking care of him…what was he supposed to do? What was he suppose to think? And how was he supposed to feel?

_I guess they're right about you, Goren…you are a fuck up. God, please tell me what to do. _

He was a lapsed Catholic, but he still believed in the ultimate being. He was honestly surprised that he wasn't in restraints in some mental hospital.

"Bobby, shh. You don't have to say anything." She gripped his hand once more.

She was worried about him. As tough and large as Bobby Goren was, he sure was sensitive. He was a very emotion man and typically wasn't afraid to show it. He had a kindred spirit about him that people weren't afraid to step all over. She wasn't sure what else to say to him so she just continued to hold onto his hand. She held onto it until he fell into a light slumber from shear exhaustion.

A light sigh of contentment was the last thing she heard come out of him as he fell back asleep.

**A/N: So, what did you think?  
About the song Bobby was thinking of…I swear I didn't plan on that part until I started writing down the line, "with the touch of your hand." Then, I thought it would add a bit of humor to a stoned Bobby if he thought about that song. There, not all angst (Chuckles). The song is actually called, "A Touch of Your Hand" by The Nylons. Yes, they're gay. Good song though. Look it up…It makes it even funnier that Bobby was thinking about it.**

**-Snyder-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: **Ok, so I want to just get Bobby out of the hospital and it would be kind of boring (IMO) if I just kept writing the next five chapter of him being in the hospital for another week or more (and I think I would suck at it), so here we go…(Rubs hands together).

**CHAPTER: 7**

Bobby had been in the hospital for a little over a week now. He and Alex had fallen into the same routine even though, Bobby had told her several times that she didn't need to stay with him.

She refused leave his side though unless absolutely necessary and it would never be for more than a few moments except for the few occasions. The few exceptions were the times when she had to go home to shower and change clothes. Every time she left, her anxiety level would soar at ridiculously high levels. She was literally scared to leave him.

After the second or third time of having to leave him, a nurse spotted Alex's unwillingness to leave his side and recommended that she bring a change of clothes to the hospital and clean up there. Alex cursed herself inwardly for not having thought of this before, but was apprehensive of the whole thing. She figured the staff here were already sick of her presence, though none of them ever complained.

Those few times when she did leave, she always returned and stayed the night with him. She was already sluggish within the first few days and it was beginning to take a real toll on her. She felt so miserably weak now, but she would not allow herself to admit it; especially to Bobby. She wouldn't give into the feeling of wanting to go home, curl up in bed, and sleep for days. She didn't want to leave him; especially alone at night even after he said he would be find on numerous occasions.

She was afraid…afraid of so many things.

_What if he woke up when I wasn't there and started to panic? What if he did need me and didn't want to admit it? What if he was planning on another attempt at…suicide? No, no, now you're just being an idiot._

There were many different situations that had come up in her head and Alex wasn't sure if Bobby really needed her or wanted her around, but she sure in the hell didn't want to find out what his actions would be if he awoke in a panic state and she was nowhere to be found.

Bobby and Alex were both awake, though silence lingered heavily in the air as the doctor walked in.

"You seem to be healing well, Mr. Goren. How do you feel?" The doctor asked, picking up Bobby's chart at the end of the bed.

Bobby could now lie on his side, though he still felt the pain. He turned his head towards Alex, fully on his right side now, and buried his head in the pillow so the doctor couldn't see his face. He felt like a little kid but he didn't care at this point.

_Mentally or physically? _He had to joke within. _Just lie so you can get the fuck out of here. _

Shrugging his shoulders, he finally spoke. "I feel fine." He mumbled.

"Any problems breathing?"

"No." Bobby thickly stated.

"That's a very good sign. You're healing very well. I tell you what, if someone stays with you, then I can release you tomorrow afternoon. Someone has to be with you, to monitor you at_ all_ times though. Do you have anyone that can stay with you? A close friend or a family member possibly?"

_Screw you!_

After Bobby physical clenched every muscle he had in his body, his eyes briefly shifted from the doctor back to Alex and shook his head.

_Screw you is right, Dr. Perfect. You probably have the perfect life. _Bobby glanced at the gold wedding band on the doctor's ring finger. _The perfect, ridiculously high paying job, the perfect wife, the perfect kids…the all around perfect 'American dream' life. Yeah, fuck you indeed!_

Alex cringed by the question and instantly recognized the painful response that Bobby produced physically. The doctor didn't go without noticing it either.

Bobby dipped his head back into the pillow and began to silently cry at the doctor's slight mention of a family member.

_Yeah, you really want to know all about my family, don't you? You want to see what raw marks really look like doctor?_

The pain, agony and anger flowed back into Bobby; circulation through his veins once more. _Hollow. Yeah, that's the correct word. Nothing like feeling hollow and empty inside_. Bobby doesn't have anyone in his life that could take care of him. _Close friends? What are those again?_ And he certainly does not have a family member that could be by his side. Hell, he'd been taking care of himself since he was a young teenager so why should it be any different now? Well, it was because before he wasn't lying in a hospital and now, when he _needed _someone to take care of him, there was no one in sight.

_Now I remember why I don't want to live…Way to pound the nail even deeper, Doc._

Alex immediately sensed the problem and spoke up in Bobby's behalf. "I'll stay with him. I'll take care of him." She declared and she meant it. She sure in the hell wasn't going to leave him alone.

_You'll what? _Bobby thought. _Did I hear her correctly? _And then. _She's nuttier than I am!_

"Very well then." The doctor nodded, though he wasn't surprised by her gesture. "He's to be monitored at all times. You will have to change his bandage, keep a close eye on his stitches and make sure he takes his medication. I'll supply you with a kit for all of this; bandages and whatnot."

After the doctor left, Bobby started to tremble but didn't realize it. He was too caught up in his rationalities.

_Why the hell would she want to stay with me? I've caused her nothing but pain._

"It's ok, Bobby. I won't leave you. I promise." She said, placing her hand on top of his head ever so gently, yet territorially. She saw him physically relax this time at the small contact. She could tell he was stunned by her willingness to help him, but that didn't matter.

_I won't let anything happen to you. _

Bobby's mind was racing a 1000 miles per hour and then, it stopped; only one word came to mind and he swallowed hard.

_Don't blow this, Goren._

"Promise?" He pleaded as he shuffled his hands underneath his head, still lying on his right side, curled up in a ball like an adolescent.

_At least I still have her. God, I hope I do. _Then more tears came. _Of course I do, idiot, she's been by my side the entire time._

Alex was taken back by his question. She thought for sure that he'd resist, but he didn't. She let out the breath that she'd been holding. "Yes, Bobby, I promise." She smiled at him.

He needed someone. He needs _me_.

When the doctor asked if he had anyone that could stay with him, she wanted to say, 'If you only knew_.'_ If he was going to make it through this successfully, then he needed someone to be by his side because she knew this time, he couldn't do it alone. She knew that if something like this happened again, it would be too late. He wouldn't recover from it again.

_Never again._

They really hadn't said much to each other since the mention of him going home tomorrow. Neither one of them had yet to bring up the incident; though Alex had every intention of bringing it up later on. She wanted to wait though, wait until they were 'home;' where ever home was.

The next morning, Bobby was eager to get the hell out of the hospital. He was still in pain, but it that was the least of his worries. Besides, he was never one to complain about a little discomfort. He just wanted to go home, go home and think. He was constantly thinking, analyzing everything and the place where he could do that the best was in his own apartment. That's one of the reasons he had problems sleeping; racing thoughts. He could never shut his brain off. No matter how hard he tried to fall asleep, his brain fought even harder. He was a very complex man and at times, it annoyed him.

Bobby knew he had a lot of things he needed to sort out, but all he was concerned about right now was walking out of here. He worried though: _What was it going to be like at home?_

Around noon the doctor came in and checked his vitals one last time to make sure everything was in order. He gave Alex, Bobby's prescriptions that he had to take: various antibiotics and pain meds, which he already faxed down to the pharmacy in the hospital, as well as a bag of medical bandages and other supplies.

After signing the release forms, Bobby reached to grab his clothes in his bag of possessions to go changed when he realized that he had nothing to change into. He looked down at the floor helplessly and then shamefully looked back up to Alex with those innocent, help me puppy dog eyes. They were empty, almost. The only thing that filled his brown pools was sorrow.

Alex hadn't thought about anything passed getting out of the hospital.

_Fuck. _

He had a shirt, the one that he came in here with but he couldn't wear that. He had no pants either.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_

"I'm so sorry, Bobby." She said as she looked at his faced and stepped towards him. He was filled with nothing but guilt, as was she. "I'll run to a nearby store down the road and get you something to change into. Sweatpants and a t-shirt, ok?" She said as she reached for his forearm and softly squeezed it.

He only nodded and started to make his way back to the bed when he swiftly turned back to face her; startling her in the process.

"Y…You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, Eames." He quietly stated, not making eye contact. He hadn't talked much since he had woken up, but he knew that that was one thing he _had_ to say. He needed to reassure her and she took note on that and mentally smiled.

_I got your message loud and clear, Bobby._

After making sure that he was back in bed, Alex quickly made her way out of his room, out of the hospital, and down the street to a nearby store.

She wasn't sure of his size, but how hard was it to pick out sweatpants and a t-shirt? She grabbed a pair of black sweatpants, a black t-shirt and a black with grey Adidas sweatshirt to keep him warm. As she passed through the aisles, she spotted some socks and reached for them as well.

_Oh hell, what about underwear? How about nooo! I'm going to assume that the nurses regularly "changed" him at some point, so I'm not going to worry about that. It would make both of us uncomfortable if I tossed him a pair of underwear. If he doesn't have any on, then he can go without them…_

Alex promptly checked out, mentally trying to account for everything she had gotten. She hoped the clothes would fit him. _He has shoes, right? Yeah. _

About 45 minutes later, Alex walked back into Bobby's room where her gaze immediately went to his bed. She started to panic when she saw that he was no longer in his bed, but her panic quickly ceased when she spotted him sitting in a chair in the corner by the window; peering out towards the city. He looked lost, so distant from the world.

"Bobby?" He slowly rotated his neck to look at her. After turning back briefly to look outside once more, he unsteadily got to his feet. "I wasn't sure what to…to get you…so…here." She declared and handed him the bag of items she had bought him.

"Thanks." He shyly stated and then made his way into the bathroom.

Not even ten minutes later, Bobby came out of the bathroom wearing the articles of clothing that Alex had picked up for him.

Slowly he walked up to her. "Thanks, E—Eames." He tried to force a smile and then mumbled, "Comfortable. I can't remember the last time I wore comfortable clothing." He disclosed and for a moment, a very brief moment, Alex thought she heard a small hint of happiness or contentment in his voice. A glimmer of cheerfulness and possibly hope in his eyes.

_Maybe, just maybe…_

"It's ok, Bobby. Let's get out of here, ok?" Bobby nodded.

Walking out the doorway a few steps behind Bobby, they made their way down the hallway and to the elevator. The doctor and nurses offered Bobby a wheel chair that they strongly recommended he use to get to the car, but of course, he declined_. _

_Stubborn bastard. _

Once the elevator doors closed, Alex turned to face, Bobby. "Are you ok?" She asked, watching him as he heavily leaned against the side of the elevator. He was gripping the hand rail so tightly that his knuckles started to turn white. The small walk to the elevator had already taken a toll on him.

"I'm fine." He muttered and loosened his grip as he breathed deeply.

"Do we need to stop anywhere and pick anything up? I need to pick up your prescriptions at the pharmacy on the first floor."

"I don't know…" He answered, clearly tired and not all with it now. "I don't need the prescriptions." He attempted, but was immediately shot down.

"Yes, Bobby, you do."

He just looked at her and sighed. He wasn't going to argue with her. Not today. He was too fucking tired with one hell of a bad of a head ache to attempt it.

Alex was relieved to find that his prescriptions were already ready to be picked up when she got to the counter. Bobby was leaning against the wall with his eyes shut most of the time while he waited for her.

Within a matter of minutes, both Bobby and Alex were headed out towards her car. Alex watched him, a few steps behind him, as they started walking out to the parking garage. He looked like he was limping a bit and wincing from the pain. He was trying not to twist too much, but it wasn't helping any.

Catching up with him, she grabbed his arm and linked hers through it. "Come on, Bobby. My car is over here." She said, turning him a few degrees to steer him in the right direction.

Once they were in the car, Bobby almost immediately fell asleep. Alex was happy to see him rest, but she was also worried. A nervous wreck was more like it. She knew this was going to be hard for him…for both of them and she knew there would be nightmares to come. She was sure of it. The look on his face when he had first woken up sealed the deal.

Bobby was such a strong man and had never asked anyone for help, so it was going to take a lot of work for her to break through his outer shell that he'd built up for so long. Alex never took it personally though. She was well aware of the fact that he didn't only _try_ and shut her out, but all other people that got to close as well. Slowly though, over the years, she's managed to fracture some of those walls and get through.

As she drove towards his apartment, Alex remembered that she had nothing with her to wear and no toiletries either. She mentally cursed as she briefly glanced over and the sleeping for in the passengers seat, and then turned and made her way towards her place.

When she pulled up in front of her place, she turned and looked at, Bobby. She chewed on her lip debating whether or not to wake him. She didn't want to wake him just to haul his ass into her house for a few minutes while she packed, so ultimately she decided to just leave him asleep in the car and hope that she could pack in record time.

Like a madwoman, Alex ran around her place grabbing different items of clothing and other necessities; shoving them into numerous bags, not caring about order. She hoped Bobby was still asleep, god only knew if he had woken up. She didn't know how long she would be with him, so she packed a few bags that she slung over her shoulder as she made her way through the doorway and outside.

She was relieved to see him still sound asleep with the seat lounged back and his breathing slow. She smiled and watched him for a few seconds before she threw her items in the back and took off.

_Damn, he's so worn out._

Pulling up to his apartment, she quickly parked and then turned to look at him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she resisted the urge. She didn't want to wake him, but she couldn't leave him in the car, lying in a much uncomfortable position for the size of a man he was. Walking around to the other side, she cautiously opened the door making sure he didn't fall out; since his lower half was partially pushed up against it.

"Bobby. Bobby, wake up. We're here." She cooed, hesitantly reaching up and grabbing his right shoulder. She was afraid to startle him, but she tried again. "Bobby, wake up." This time she shook him a bit, careful of his still healing wound. This did the trick and after a few moments, Bobby stirred and opened his eyes.

"Eames?"

"Come on, Bobby. We're at your place."

"Ugh, I don't want to go." He mumbled as he reluctantly took off his seat belt and stammered onto the ground.

Bobby didn't really know what he wanted. He had mixed emotions. He sure in the hell didn't plan for anything _after_ being shot. Who the hell does? He figured he'd be in…well, not alive; so planning after the aftermath was something he just did not do. He just wanted it all to go away. He knew where he had previous been and it was not a pretty sight…he just wasn't sure _where _he was going now.

"You can go back to sleep when we get up there, ok?"

He only groaned at the pain and then nodded. He couldn't remember ever being this tired. He thought it had something to do with the fact that sleeping takes away the pain and hurt of worrying about things, but he wasn't sure. He tried to 'sleep' permanently but, Alex would not allow it. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be here right now, standing here. He wasn't sure if he should thank her or hate her.

_I could never hate,_ _Alex Eames._ _She's truly an amazing partner and person…it's just that…Damn, why did she have to show up at my apartment? Shit, I don't think she could've had better timing! _

Bobby still wasn't sure about this whole situation. His life…it was a mess and turning worse by the day. He still didn't want to live. Fuck, it would've been so much easier if he would've died. Now…now he has to deal with all of this. What the hell was he going to do? He felt lost…trapped in his own demon filled mind. His thoughts of previous horrid days were slowly coming back to him. He felt so lost and alone. So undefined…and then he remembered Alex next to him.

Alex grabbed the bags from the back seat and followed a staggering Bobby up to his apartment. As they made their way into the apartment building, she spotted the landlord; of course, one of the people that witnessed the whole incident take place outside.

"Bobby. Glad to have you back." The older gentleman spoke up. Bobby only nodded to him and the few other people that were looking at him as he continued to make his torturous walk to the elevator.

Once inside, Bobby turned to Alex. "Do…Does he know what…what happened?"

"I don't think so. I know he saw you getting into an ambulance; a lot of people did. On your floor, several people came out of their apartment when they heard the gunshot, but I told them to go back inside. Of course, when the paramedics took you away, they were all peering their heads down the hallway. I don't know if they know you…or not." She said, stumbling over the last few words. She wasn't sure how to address him or this matter and he hadn't really confirmed that he was actually trying to kill himself; though she knew deep down that he was. She _would _deal with this though, she had to.

"What's done…is done." He exhaled deeply as he pushed the button, indicating the floor number.

Once he stood in front of his apartment door, he looked to Alex for an answer.

"I have the key, Bobby." She said, handing it to him.

He gradually unlocked the door and as he begun to open it, he closed his eyes briefly. He wasn't sure why but he was afraid to go into his apartment. Truth be told, he wanted to be as far away as possibly from it.

_Why did I want to come home again? God, please tell me._

Opening his eyes once more, he stepped one size 13 foot in his apartment and then his eyes fell down to the ground. There lay a pool of blood. His blood. It was like his own reflection was staring back at him as he inhaled deeply and unconsciously stepped back a few inches.

Blood seemed to be everywhere. He turned his head to the side, wishing that once he turned forward again, the view in front of him would change. Vanish.

What a nightmare.

_Jesus Christ. _

Alex noted the problem and tried to make her way around him, but failed. "It's ok, Bobby. I'll clean it up. Go rest."

"No!" He yelped and then softened his voice. "It's not your problem. I can do it." He spoke unsurely.

After a few more seconds, he sluggishly made his way over to the sink and grabbed a dish towel. Ruggedly walking back towards his own source of being, he slowly and gently bent down and started to wipe and scrape away the blood that was now dried. His body protested the entire time and he groaned and winced uncontrollably, but that was only the half of it. This is _definitely_ not what he pictured he'd be doing after he, 'unintentionally' shot himself. He'd never even considered the blood that would be left for him upon his arrival. It seemed to be radiating off the floor.

_Painful memories…no, it's more than that._

Satisfied that it was all cleaned up, he slowly got back on his feet and staggered a bit. Alex reached her hands out to steady him, but he shook his head. Her hands immediately went back down to her sides. Gripping the counter tightly, he threw the towel away in the garbage and then paused briefly. He took note in his gun lying gently on the counter. He recalled briefly as he closed his eyes, Alex reaching her hand out and grabbing it from him. He opened his eyes and looked back down to the floor and then back up to Alex. Alex saw him looking at the gun but said nothing. He then turned and made his way into his bedroom after wistfully looking at Alex one last time. He shut the door, not hard; blocking Alex from himself.

_What was that look? Damn, if only I was a mind reader. But what was he thinking? I saw it, I saw him look at his gun. I'm no fool…but he can't be. Not again. He can't be going down that road already traveled once, can he?_

Alex grabbed the gun, taking the clip out and decided to stash them both away; away from him.

She could see it in his eyes. He was holding back the tears, but the pain was still present. His heart was bleeding so many different emotions that she was afraid he'd stop all together. Stop what? She wasn't sure but feared the outcomes of what.

_Bobby, confide in me, please. I'm here. Open your eyes and remember who I am. I haven't left you. I haven't deserted you and I never will. Look at me, remember me and remember who I am…even through the pain. God, come back to me. _She pleaded as the tears accumulated and then streamed down her face.

Wiping her tears away, Alex looked around and decided to see what sort of food supplies Bobby would have. Noting that he didn't have much, she found enough supplies to be able to make some spaghetti and let him hopefully get some rest. She didn't want to push him right now. He needed some space but not too much. She figured he went to change and take a nap, so she stayed away and out of _his _room. He needed his time alone right now and besides, she was only a few feet away from him if he needed anything.

_I hope I don't fuck this up._

When Bobby shut the door, he felt like he was protecting her from himself. She didn't need to _know _him and know of his pain that lingered in his head. He shook as he ever so slowly pulled off the sweatshirt. He hissed at the pain when he pulled his arms above his head, but no matter, he didn't care. He was comfortable in the clothes she had bought him, so he decided to leave the black t-shirt on. He briefly went to his drawer and pulled out a clean pair of boxers. He wasn't a briefs kind of man and that was what the hospital had given him.

Sitting on the bed, he lifted his butt off the bed, all in pain, and took off his sweatpants and underwear. He quickly slipped on his boxers and then re-put his sweatpants on. He was thankful that she didn't walk in on him during this time. He wanted to take a shower and rinse the filth off of him but the doctor told him sponge baths only for a week.

_How ridiculous!_

He was still so lost and it, _this_ didn't feel right. Living, it felt almost alien like to him right now. He wanted, need to desperately get away from it…and then he remembered. His head shot over to his nightstand. His backup piece. He opened the drawer slowly and glanced down at it. It lied there, almost as if it were calling his name. He felt his body tense up. _Should I?_ _I could end this nightmare right here, right now._ And then he heard movement in the kitchen and remembered that his partner was here. Alexandra Eames. Possibly his best friend. _She is my best friend. _He frowned and slowly closed the drawer. He couldn't…not with her here. He could never do something like that to her…and then he remembered that he already had; though he didn't mean for her to be there. He couldn't and wouldn't dare take his life with her here now. When she was with him…it kept him awkwardly sane; though he didn't show it.

_Oh god. What have I done?_ He sobbed and covered his face with his large, trembling hands.

He started to shiver because he knew that the moment she'd leave his side, all hell would break loose and he miserably feared it. He knew it and wouldn't deny it. Right now though, he just needed to exist and hopefully change in the process of this discovery.

An hour later, Alex walked in to his bedroom to offer him some dinner. She was leery at first and peaked around the door to make sure he was decent. She physically smiled when she saw that he was still in the clothes that she had bought him.

He was sprawled out on the bed and when he'd finally recognized her presence, he looked at her and declined; thanking her anyways. He felt like an ass but he just wasn't hungry and too weak to attempt it. She was so kind to him and all he could do was turn her down.

_What an asshole. _He thought as he closed his eyes again after she left.

He slept until 7:00 PM, which is when he decided to come out of his little 'hiding hole.' When he came out he saw Alex fast asleep on his couch and two plates of spaghetti dished out. _She didn't even eat. She was…she was waiting for me? _He frowned and walked over to the kitchen and put the food away. He then walked back over to her and stood next to her.

"Alex, wake up." Alex quickly jolted up and looked at Bobby who was shifting nervously.

"What's wrong?" She panicked as she looked into his shattered eyes.

"Nothing, just um…you can take my bed…if you want it." He whispered, suddenly feeling awkward for offering his bed to her.

"No, Bobby. You need your rest. I can sleep here on the couch." She physically relaxed.

"No…I won't be able to sleep anymore tonight. Trust me, I can take the couch."

After arguing for five minutes with her, Bobby gave up. Alex could be so stubborn…of course, so could he. They both sat on the couch for a while in utter silence until Alex finally cut through it all.

"It's time to take your medicine, Bobby."

"I don't like pain medication."

"You don't have to take the pain medicine…at least take the antibiotics though. They'll help you heal."

Bobby snorted. "Yeah, right." He said as she handed them to him. He looked at them briefly as he rolled two pills in the palm of his hand and then tossed it in his mouth, swallowing them dry.

Alex winced unconsciously as she watched him swallow the pill dry. "Why don't you go and rest." She offered. "Sleep is the best thing for you right now—"

"Don't tell me what I need! Don't pretend to tell me or know what the best thing for me is!" He roared catching Alex by surprised. He let lose as the anger manifested inside him.

"Bobby, I didn't mean—" She tried to mitigate but lost.

"Whatever. Goodnight." He spat as he turned and, this time, slammed his bedroom door shut.

_Oh yeah, I'm a cold-hearted-bastard. _

He physically cringed when he heard his door slam shut. The sound was deafening to his ears and he felt like he had now lost her. Completely pushed her out of his life.

Alex started to cry. She felt like the little progress they started to make, was all thrown out.

_Just hang in there, Alex. He's going through a rough time right now and, even though it doesn't seem like it, he needs you. Be strong for him. _She kept telling herself as she passed out on the couch a few minutes later from sheer exhaustion.

There was nothing more that she could do that night.

**A/N: So, how did ya like this one? So...I have this wild idea for the next chapter that I've been working on for over a month now...let me warn you now, very OOC. It will definitely be one of the darker parts of the story...I think even more angst than the first chapter. **

**-Snyder-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N:** **WARNING: **This chapter has more talk about suicide but what really puts it over the top is the song (which collaborates with the story). It's **not** the most "child safe" song I've used, though I'm sure a lot of you have heard the song before.  
This chapter (and song) mentions suicide, language, talks about cutting and other things.  
This is another deep chapter and this song is really tied into Bobby's life. I've worked on this chapter a lot (months) and tied the song and the story together very well (IMO).  
The song is titled, "Last Resort" by Papa Roach_. _Once again, it's like Bobby is "thinking" these lyrics in his head. This will be the **last** song used in this fic. Thanks.

**Note:** OTF (Automatic Knife) means, Out The Front.

**CHAPTER: 8**

_**Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding**_

Around 9:00 PM, Bobby staggered out of his bedroom. He had been crying, shedding the acid tears that were all pain, down his face. His eyes were horribly blood shot and his noise was running, face red. He was suffering and looked like hell, but he didn't give a fuck about himself. He was already traveling back down the road that he thought he'd overcome. His life was imperfect and he _knew_ it. Only now did he finally realize that it was no longer fixable.

_Too far gone._

When Bobby came home from the hospital, he could only hope that things would get better. He dreamt that his life would improve, and for a while, just a few measly hours, things seemed to be tolerable again. Sure, when he got home, he immediately shut Alex out from himself, but he felt oddly relieved at the same time. She was here, with him, and he knew it. He could feel her presence and it made him more comfortable and he had proven that to himself when he had first gazed at his backup piece. It had been so long, too long, since someone had stayed with him and took care of him. Now though, he was anything but _ok_. Everything was spiraling out of control again. It was like déjà vu, but only this time, Alex was here with him. He felt so lost and invisible to the rest of the world.

_Everything is my fault! Her pain is caused by me! My words...no one else's!_

He knew he had fucked everything up. He couldn't remember the last time he really yelled at her, especially for something so stupid. _She didn't say anything wrong to me...so why did I yell at her? Why did I run away from her? God, why? _Normally, he would never get upset with her, but he had. He lashed out at her and then stormed away in a mad rage.

He cringed as he recalled back to a few hours ago.

Bobby started to agonizingly make his way over to the kitchen when he noticed that Alex was sound asleep on the couch. She looked exhausted and though it was dark in the room, he had a gut wrenching feeling that she too had been crying. He knew it.

_Eames… _

_**This is my last resort**_

That's what he'd been crying about for the past couple of hours and why he started to shed tears again. Only, Alex Eames. Not his pathetic life…No, no, no, not him. He'd already given up on himself but, Alex…

_Why did I treat her so god-awfully horrible? All she tried to do was help. If I keep doing this…I'm going to push her away for good. Or am I too late? I can't keep doing this to her. She shouldn't have to be here with her fucked up partner. God, it's so unfair! Why stay by me?_

_**Cut my life into pieces, I've reached my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding  
Do you even care if I die bleeding?**_

A sob escaped from Robert Goren's mouth as he turned his back to her and made his way into the kitchen. After staring at one of the cabinets for a few moments, he slowly bent down and rummaged through a few things until he spotted his treasure; a bottle of Glenlivet that he stored underneath the sink.

Bobby wasn't much of a drinker, though he wouldn't deny a good drink every once in a while. As he became older though, he found himself enjoying the taste less and less. It just wasn't as fun as it use to be years ago…now, it was just down right depressing; especially if he were drinking alone. What's the fun in that? There's nothing more depressing than getting belligerently hammered and passing out god knows where. Alcohol's a depressant and Bobby was well aware of the fact that he's had enough misery in his life for one eternity. Sometimes though, it's the only thing that'll help him fall asleep for those wee hours.

He doesn't plan on drinking tonight though. This time, he has something else in mind. Something much more effective. He didn't want to dull the pain; he wants to heighten it. He just wasn't sure of the whole plan…yet.

Silently making his way back into his bedroom, careful not to wake Alex, he shut the door. He leaned up against it briefly, contemplating several different things, and then pushed off of it and started to make his way to the bathroom. As he lethargically walked towards it, he couldn't help but deflect his glance over towards his side drawer once more.

_**Would it be wrong? Would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight, and I'm contemplating suicide**_

_The gun. If I took my life tonight… _And Bobby cried. _Goddammit…tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do!! _He was looking for a sign, any sign, but his musing stopped as he realized that he was now standing directly in front of the dresser that stored his gun. It was calling his name and the revelation sent a chill throughout his body.

_Just one bullet. Just one pull of the trigger. Just one. _

Slowly, he opened the drawer and stared down at the cool, dark metal. A minute later, he found to be holding it in his hand and cocked his head to the side at the revelation. He couldn't recall picking it up, but it didn't frighten him. It felt comforting, though he was still shaking physically.

_**Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine**_

A few moments later, reality slammed back in to Bobby and he dropped the gun back into the drawer like it was on fire. He shut the drawer closed with a _bang_, but not before grabbing the OTF automatic knife. He'd used it before, several times on cases throughout the years. It was the knife he used to pick up evidence with several times in his police work and was the same knife that he cut the tomato up with on a case way back when. It was also the same knife he used to slash his hand in front of a suspect in the interrogation room. Only police, EMT, Fire & Rescue and other Government agencies had access to them.

He held it up close to his face and pushed the lever forward, revealing the blade of the knife as it shot out the front. Bobby rubbed his thumb over the dagger blade and it started to bleed in return. Turning, he made his way into his bathroom and sat on the floor by the toilet, back against the bathtub. More tears seem to align as he thought about his actions not a minute ago. He doesn't care though. He's not aloud to care. Not right now. Not ever.

_Fuck it…no, no, fuck me! _He hissed at himself as he lifted his shirt up so that the bottom of it was under his arm pits.

He briefly looked down at himself in utter discuss. He hated the way he was and he hated the way he looked.

_Sorry son-of-a-bitch._

Bobby set the Glenlivet and knife down on the cold floor and then ripped off the bandage that covered his wound. He gawked at it briefly and then found himself to be shaking his head. His dislike for himself was becoming more apparent.

_I can't even succeed in killing myself. What the fuck IS wrong with me? _He thought though he knew he'd never find the true answers he so desperately sought after.

Picking up the knife in his left hand, he brought his right thumb up to his mouth and licked the familiar liquid off of it. It was a small cut, only to test the blades sharpness, but it still tasted inviting, though dangerous.

Turning the knife so that the tip of the blade faced his stomach, he propelled it forward.

_Ahh, fuck. _His face was askew and he started to pale from the oncoming pain. _Whoops. _He chuckled though he wasn't sure why.

His ultimate goal was to pull his stitches out; not to kill himself. Killing himself was the furthest thing from the truth right now. His first stab at it, no pun intended, went deeper than he wanted. His hands were shaking as he tried to steady himself by taking deep breaths. Taking another deep breath, he dug the blade into his wound again and wrapped it around part of the stitches. After a few attempts, he set the, now bloody knife down next to him and resorted to using his hands the rest of the way. The stitches easily pulled out and he tossed them aside, not caring where they landed. Only a small amount of blood lightly coated over his finger tips.

Bobby slowly took the lid off of the bottle of alcohol. He looked up briefly in the direction of the door before slowly sliding down the floor, tilting his body back so he sat at about a 45 degree angle. Hesitantly, Bobby poured some of the alcohol onto his wound, washing some of the blood away in the process. Instantly he hissed as his whole body clenching in pain.

Then he grinned evilly. An unfamiliar grin that he wasn't even aware of producing.

_**I never realized I was spread too thin  
Till it was too late and I was empty within  
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin  
Downward spiral, where do I begin?**_

He found himself to be asking if it were working and, at first, it seemed to be dulling his ache that rang in his head, but then his mind reminded him. He remembered again and his body heavily sagged all the way to the ground in response; the back of his head gently lying on the ground. It was partially due to the fact the he could no longer hold himself upright due to severe exhaustion and pain, but also because of the fact that he'd already given up on trying to cause himself pain. It wasn't distracting him anyway, though he didn't plan to stop.

The whole truth in this fucked up scenario was that it was Bobby's own sick demented way of torturing himself over yelling at, Alex. He hated himself. No, he despised himself for hollering at her. He wasn't even sure if he was alive anymore. The real, Bobby Goren would never yell at his partner; not like that.

_Who the hell am I anymore?_ _She was only trying to help you, you stupid neurotic son-of-a-bitch. _

_**It all started when I lost my mother  
No love for myself and no love for another  
Searching to find a love upon a higher level  
Finding nothing but questions and devils**_

Bobby's hand still clenched the bottle as he raised his head and titled it to the side so he could look down at his body. What had he become? _A fucked up detective? Yeah, that's about right. _His mother was now gone and he would never know who his true father was. The only thing that came up about his unknown father, were more questions than he started with. As for his brother…_Fuck him! _Bobby screamed within as he clenched in pain from the alcohol that teased over his wound. It lingered like another one of Bobby's enemies.

_**Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine**_

Bobby was definitely not ok. He _was _losing himself and becoming dizzier by the second. It was mentally draining to know what your family was and he constantly found himself asking if he were the same. The same as his mother? The same as his brother? Or, the one that tore him apart inside more than any other one: Was he the same as his unnamed father? With this question, his hand unconsciously slid over the knife in response. He was angry. Angry with his fucked up family and even more angry because he feared he'd become them.

"No! I'm nothing like them!" He declared.

_**Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
I'm running and I'm crying**_

Alex awoke to some sort of muffled sound. As she sat up to listen, she swore it was coming from Bobby's room. After hearing some sort of noise again, she sprang upright and quickly walked towards his bedroom. Slowly, Alex opened his door; mentally preparing herself for whatever she was about to find on the other side. When she opened his door, she looked towards his bed but saw nothing. Then her head turned towards a glimmer of light that was coming from the bathroom. She froze momentarily as she took in the sight of Bobby. All she could see was the tip of his feet sticking out of the doorframe but it scared her.

_Oh god, no. _She silently prayed and then ran towards him.

Turning around the corner, she saw his full form just then and what she had found, made her uncontrollably gasped. Bobby lied there, still on the floor. His stomach was exposed to her now and she couldn't help but look at his revealing flesh for a moment. She had never seen Bobby without a shirt on, but she knew this was definitely not the time to have _those _thoughts.

Bobby was partially drenched in alcohol; his pants and shirt both victims in this incident. Alex could smell the alcohol that lingered in the room. It was strong and overwhelming. The floor was covered in it as well and Bobby's face was coated with pain and tears. When she walked in a bit further, he held the bottle in mid-air above his open wound. His hand was clenching over the knife and there was a pool of diluted blood and alcohol mix liquid that ran from his chest, off his side and onto the floor.

_**I'm crying, I'm crying  
I'm crying, I'm crying**_

"Jesus Christ, Bobby! What the fuck are you doing?" She yelped and sprang towards him. She bent down and grabbed the bottle of alcohol from him, not caring about the blood, and tossed it in the sink. She was still unaware of the knife that his large hand still covered.

_**I ... can't ... go ... on ... living ... this ... way**_

Bobby didn't answer her at first. He just lay there in a haze. A painful haze. He had successfully torn out his stitches. _No shit…ya think?_ Even over the alcohol, he could smell his own blood; he could see it. He was carefree though. He was acting as if he _were_ drunk even though he was anything but. He was numb though, his whole body frozen in place.

_**Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding**_

"Bobby! Answer me, Goddammit!" Sheer panic was the only tone that existed in her words.

"Eam—" He managed to choke out with his eyes closed. He hadn't noticed her in front of him until she had spoken. "I—I…" He struggled, caught off guard by her as he shifted his head from side to side; looking to his left and then his right, avoiding eye-contact at all costs.

_Don't you dare try and avoid eye-contact with me, Goren!_

"What the hell were you thinking?" She muttered, looking over his wound. "Are you drunk?" She spat out, though she figured he wasn't.

"Pain." He said. That's what he was feeling. "Not…not drunk. I didn't drink any…didn't" He rambled.

She believed him.

"Bobby, you need to go back to the hospital." She muttered. This time it was Alex who was unable to make eye-contact with him. "You need to be stitched up again and…and I can't watch you, Bobby." She said regretfully admitted. She felt like she was giving up on him but what could she do? She didn't realize that he was this far gone.

_Maybe I can't help him…maybe it isn't me he needs._

"No!" He screamed loud enough so that the neighboring apartments could easily hear. He tried to sit up, only succeeding half way, but when he did this, lunged forward in a panic state, he pulled the knife up that was in his hand and waved it around in front of him a few times.

Alex jumped a mile high and retreated away from him when she saw that he had a knife. It was an automatic reflex that she knew she'd regret for the rest of her life.

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

"Please, Eames. Don't…don't make me go back. I've been in…in enough hospi—" And then his speech came to a complete halt when he noticed she was trembling and tears started to fall down her face.

He looked down in the direction her eyes were fixed at and terror washed over him. It dawned on him what he had done and he shook in response.

"Oh god, n…no…" He softly spoke as the horror of what he had done arose in him.

He let the object slip out of his hand where it landed on his lap.

At first glance, in Alex's eyes, it looked like he had pulled a knife on her, but when she saw his reaction, when he realized what he had done; he immediately stopped and dropped the knife.

_Oh god. _

Alex felt guilty. She knew in her heart that he wouldn't hurt her, but now the image had been planted and she knew that Bobby had seen the fear that plagued her eyes.

"Bobby?" She cautiously stepped towards him once more.

"I...I'm so…so sorry, E—Eames. I won't…I didn't, I—" His words faltered him and he began to feel light headed and tired. He slumped fully back onto the floor, leaving the knife were it lie on his lap. He closed his eyes tightly as he wished that he were anywhere but here.

_**Would it be wrong? Would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight, and I'm contemplating suicide**_

Bobby hated hospitals, though, Alex never knew this. It was the reason he began to panic and the reason why his breathing was now labored. After spending so much time in them as a child and taking care of his mom all his life, he feared them. He shook every time he had to walk into one, even it if was for someone else.

"Bobby? Bobby, its ok…"

But this time, he didn't scream "no," Bobby didn't answer, he didn't flinch, he didn't even bother to open his eyes.

"Bobby?"

With his eyes tightly closed, he shook his head slightly before speaking. "I…I would never...I won't…" He cried and bit his lip to suppress some of the tears. "I would never hurt you…" He finally got out.

"I know, Bobby. It just scared me…It…it caught me off guard. I didn't see the knife until you sat up." She choked out. She knew he would never hurt her. She trusted him with her life. "Bobby, look at me."

But this time, he didn't. He found himself to be grasping the floor in an attempt to scoot himself back away from her further but his head hit the bathtub and he halted in place.

"Eames, just go…leave before I…I scare you or…or threaten you…again."

Alex was pissed.

"Bobby, you fucking look at me right now! You owe me that, Goren!" She tried a new approach.

He only looked at her when he felt her hand on his lap momentarily, picking up the bloody knife. Alex examined it quickly and then closed it and tossed it in the sink to join the bottle of Glenlivet.

"Bobby, I AM calling an ambulance. It's the best thing for you."

And this pulled him out of his moping attitude because he turned and looked at her. Straight in the eyes.

"Please, no. Don't."

"Yes, Bobby." She began as she pulled out her cell phone. "I can't…I can't fix this."

"I never…never asked you to try and…and _fix _me. I can't…Don't attempt the impossible." He swallowed hard.

"Bobby, you know that's not what I meant. This…I can't sew you back up. Bobby, what the hell were you thinking!?"

"J—Just leave it. Doesn't matter. I…I don't care if it hurts…but please…please don't make me go back." He rambled. "You don't have to stay here with me. You don't need to take care of me…just please don't call—" He choked and then began to cough.

_**Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine**_

Alex immediately dropped her phone and went behind him to hold up his upper body. She held his head as she looked over him. Alex had never seen him like this. She had never cradled his head, or felt so close to her partner as she did at this moment in time; though she fear that Bobby was miles away.

He shook as he got his coughing under control. Alex wasn't sure if it was from lying on the cold, wet ground or from fear alone. She no longer felt angry. She felt fear, but not fear of him, but for him.

_**Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
I'm running and I'm crying**_

"Bobby, your stitches are gone…you _need _to get sewed back up." She paused and looked over him. "And you can't even get up and I can't carry you. I need to call for an ambulance."

"I…I can get up." He said and he started to make an effort before Alex held onto him, stopping him in the process.

"Not yet, Bobby." She sighed. "I need to try and clean you up first, ok? " He only nodded and then closed his eyes once more as he heavily sighed and laid back on the ground.

She seriously was going to call an ambulance, she still wants to in all honestly but there was one thing that stopped her from doing so. She wasn't sure exactly what it meant but she would find out later. She had to. It was the look in Bobby's eyes. He was begging her not to call. There was more to it than him just not wanting to go and she knew it. She could see through his façade at times, but she wasn't sure why. He feared it though and she was sure of it.

"Do…Does that mean that…that I…you're not going to call…" He drifted off.

"No, Bobby, but you _are _going to a hospital. You _have _to go…but I'll drive you. It doesn't look too bad but it might become infected if you don't get it taken care of."

Bobby shivered in response but didn't argue with her.

_At least I'm not going in an ambulance…Eames will be with me…right?_

Bobby never meant to take it this far; or at least that's what he kept telling himself. He only wanted to make himself feel pain. Feel something. He never intended to pour more than a few ounces of alcohol on himself. Even more so, he didn't intend on having, Alex find him laying here; covered in blood and alcohol.

_**I ... CAN'T ... GO ... ON ... LIVING ... THIS ... WAY!**_

More voices had arisen in him.

_I told you you couldn't do anything right, you fuck up. _He only closed his eyes tighter as he swore that he could hear his father inside of his head somewhere.

_**Can't go on ... living this way  
Nothing's alright!**_

**A/N: God, so this took more work than the whole damn story so far! This was killer to write but I had this scene planned from the beginning, so I didn't want to take it out. I did change a lot of it though…I didn't make it as dark as I had first planned and mentioned in the authors note. A LOT was cropped from this (smiles).**

**  
So…in all, what do ya think? Still out there?**

**-Snyder-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 9**

Alex hovered over Bobby as he continued to bleed. It wasn't his wound that was bleeding any longer, it was his soul. Bobby hurt from the pain that not even a doctor could cure. He wanted to run away from everyone, he was on the verge of breaking down in from of Alex at this very second. He was sick of trying to please people, sick of doing things that weren't for his own pleasure. He always felt the invisible blow, being kicked when he was down by others around him.

Bobby looked back up at Alex. He wanted to speak to her, but he was unsuccessful. He wanted to explain himself and tell her what it _was _like. His life, how out of place he felt. Even before Bobby went into Tates, he was breaking down. He was already standing on the top of a mountain, looking down as he slowly stepped towards the edge. Being tied down and succumb to _anything _the guards wanted to do to him had completely pushed him over. Head first.

_No one knows what it's like. I can't even describe it._ Bobby closed his eyes to suppress the tears and then slowly opened them back up. _If Eames hadn't come when she did…I don't think I would've made it another day._

He recalls days when he'd cried so miserably that he'd passed out from shear exhaustion. Bobby's cried so much that his eyes would no longer shed those salty tears. The thought, the realization of it all just made him worse. He's cried so loud before with anger mixed in that he's had to turn his music or TV up loud enough so the surrounding apartments wouldn't hear him. At times, he'd scream to let his emotions come full forth. He's tried alcohol, but it only numbed the pain for a short while. Not once did it ever stop him from crying. He wanted to call Alex _every_ time, but he always talked himself out of it. She didn't need to see him like that. She didn't need to see how bad he was truly suffering.

Alex looked down at him now, in a standing position momentarily. She wondered about his life. What went on behind closed doors or in the mind of this amazing man? Her mind was racing with too many thoughts to comprehend and she now knew what it felt like to be in Bobby's shoes when he was working _those_ long hours on a case. The only problem this time was that, Bobby _was _the case.

Alex held it together, but in truth, she was crumbling apart inside. She couldn't help but feel guilty, like this was partially her fault.

_I should've checked on him. I should've watched him more closely and not have fallen asleep! I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me. Maybe then I wouldn't have passed out on the couch while he did this to himself._

She continued to look down into his darkening eyes, though her thoughts were still racing, and caught his slight nodded; signally that he was 'ok' and then tightly closed his eyes. Alex wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or exhaustion, but she wasn't going to ask.

Slowly, Alex bent down next to him to clean up his wound as best as possible. She hadn't touched him yet. She knew that he'd have to be clean up and change before she drove him to the hospital, or there would be a lot more questions. It's definitely not the best way to walk into a hospital; reeking of blood and alcohol, not to mention his stitches being long gone.

_God, what if they have him committed? No! I can't let them do that to him. He'd loose everything. I'll stay with him 24/7, but I will not have him committed! _She chastised though she silently promised herself.

Alex feared the possibility of Bobby becoming even worse. But was it possible? What was left?

_Death. _

_No…not again. He wasn't…he couldn't…I can't…_

And then she saw something in his eyes. Something she didn't recognize. His eyes were open again and he was looking at her, his gaze shifting up and down. His eyes halted when they caught hers, like a deer caught in the headlights.

She froze, just before she was about to touch him; her fingers mere inched from his body.

He was trying to make sense of things. She could see it. In those hopeless eyes of his, she could tell there was some sort of remorse beaming through them. He was tired of it. Tired of all of _this, _but something new seemed to be held within his brown pools. Hope possibly?

The feeling was gone from Bobby. He was tired of living in the lonely, dark world that he knew all too well and had resided in for most of his life, but he finally found it. Alex. Truthfully, they had found each other. He knew he'd still be a depressed, miserable being that would willing walked into the dark any chance he'd get, but he had Alex. He couldn't leave her. He just realized it as he took her in. Bobby was just now grasping the full concept of _having _and _needing _and felt ashamed because of it.

In all reality, Alex was pulling him back up. She had been the whole time, but Bobby was just now starting to willingly be pulled out of the hazy place he called his life and now understood. Everything. Maybe he wasn't as far down as he thought he was hours ago.

_She's with me. She'll always be with me. God, what have I done? How did I not know?_

He felt guilty and ashamed, but he was too far gone to have noticed anyone with him. The moment he shot himself, the moment he felt the bullet enter him, he looked up only to see nothing. Complete solitary. He was in this maddening world full of anger, hate and abandonment. Everything was dark just then, with a gloomy fog floating above him as he slumped lower towards the floor. He had given up, given in to the darkness. The infamous white light was only dark, eerie and lonely, though, at the time, he welcomed it. He felt as if he were just one more casualty of society, just one more victim that no one would miss. That is, until he heard it; Alex on the other side of the door. As soon as he heard her, it was all gone. The extinct life that sagged, Bobby's form, was jump started again and he felt it. Life. The fog cleared, the black now became colors of his dull apartment once again and the sounds of _her_ cries were heard. It was piercing his ears. The pain was back, the bad memories were with him again, and he felt like crying.

He was being saved.

He shook at the still raw recollection.

Alex watched him, but said nothing. She wondered what was going on inside his head, though she feared it, but this wasn't the time right now. She regretfully darted her eyes away from him when she started to touch his tender skin around his wound. His body jolted in response to her touch; but it was out of pain, not fear. In all truthiness, Bobby trusted Alexandra Eames more than any other person. He just wasn't sure why it had taken him this long to realize that. He had always known he trusted her…but he couldn't fathom the reason why it took him this long to realize she'd been with him the whole time. The entire way. She had travelled with him through hell and was now trying to bring him back again.

Bobby was hesitant by the close proximity as Alex continued to clean him up. He was well aware of the fact that he had never been around her when he wasn't fully clothed. He found himself wishing that this was years back when he was actually fit and didn't mind if women gawked at him…but now, now it was just making him uncomfortable and uneasy.

Alex, on the other hand, didn't show any signs of distress.

Bobby opened his eyes and as he watched her clean him up, he spoke. "I…I thought you said you couldn't watch me any…anymore." It wasn't a question. "I understand, really I do." He gave her one final chance to bail. One finally attempt to run like a bat out of hell…away from him forever. "People tend to…to despise me after spending a…a few hours with…with me. I'm surprised you…that you lasted this long. I'm a fuck up, I…I get that, Alex…just, well, thanks but…but you don't have to take me or…or stay with me."

Alex winced at his choice of wording. _He's a fuck up? Bobby, you're brilliant! How can you talk about yourself like that? You've been through so much and look at how successful you've become._

"Bobby, do you really think I'd leave you?" She asked. "Bobby, we spend hours and hours a day at work together. We have for years and I enjoy every second of it. I'm still here, aren't I? I'm not going anywhere." She looked deep into his eyes. "I could never leave you."

"B—But, I…you said that…I…" He paused, swallowing hard. "T—That you couldn't stay…watch me anymore."

"Only if you keep doing things like this." She asserted, nodding towards the sink that still contained the knife and Glenlivet. "There's only so much I can do to help, Bobby. You have got to trust me, ok? You have to talk to me. You don't get anymore chances, Bobby." She regretfully informed him.

"Eames, you…you know I trust you. You're the only one I completely trust. You've never let me down." He paused, mauling over a few things and then looked back up at her. "I…I'm sorry…."

She peered down at him, looking deep into his eyes and he didn't shy away. Not this time. She could tell he was being sincere.

"Why did you do this, Bobby? The real reasons, Goren. Don't bullshit with me. I deserve the truth."

"B—Because I…I wanted to have…to feel pain…something."

"But…but why?" She didn't understand.

Bobby swallowed hard. "Because I yelled at you…I hurt you, Eames. I didn't mean to. I don't deserve you; as a partner or a friend." _And I definitely don't deserve to be your lover. _He halted his musings; shocked that he had just admitted that to himself. _Yeah right, Bobby. Like you'd ever have a chance with her._ _You're the whack job, remember? In the end, whack jobs end up with nothing._

"Bobby…" She began but was cut off.

"I…I'm so…so sorry. I felt so numb, so tired, so upset because I…I got angry at…with you that I…that I had to feel pain…to make, to punish myself and to make sure that I was…am alive. I should be dead, Eames. I should be lying on my floor, rotting in…in this place until someone finally smelled a decomp." And by the reaction he'd witnessed as he looked deep into her eyes, he knew he'd said too much.

Alex started to cry, her mouth agape as she replayed his words over in her head. Her mind went into overdrive at the few declarations he had just stated.

_He…he hurt himself….because of me? He wanted to feel pain…because he yelled at me? _She looked deep into his eyes again. _He thought no one would come and look for him? Does he really feel that alone? _But as she gazed deeper into his brown pools, she was suddenly frightened by how lonely this man truly was.

She blinked the tears away. "B—Bobby, do you…do you really think I'd not come for you?" Her heart clinched and her body sagged at his statement. "Do you really…"

He shook his head, cutting her off. "I don't know." He swallowed hard. "I didn't want anyone to come. It's just…I'm nobody's problem but mine…my own. I did know that if anyone came, it would be you…but I wasn't planning for…" He stopped.

"Bobby, you're very much alive." She said, taking a chance and placing her hand over his heart. "And Bobby? You're my best friend…so what you do concerns me. What you do, Bobby, whatever it is, it affects me as well, which makes it my problem. _Our _Problem."

Bobby didn't flinch away at the statement or the touch. Actually, he seemed to relax at the touch until she removed her hand to temporarily tape up the wound. There was much more she wanted to say to him, but it would have to wait.

"Do you think you can get up if I help you? We have to get to the hospital ASAP unless you want me to call an ambulance."

"Yeah…I mean No!" He sighed. "I can get up…just please…please don't call…"

Painfully slow, she eased Bobby up as best as she could. He was a big man, so there was only so little she could do. It was up to him to help himself. When he was finally erect, his shirt began to lightly drip. It smelled like a brewery in the room.

"Here, let me…you need to get this off of you." She said as she reached up and grabbed the bottom of his shirt; bunching it up and pulling it up his lengthy body. "Bobby, you're going to have to help me a bit, you're just a tad bit taller than I am if you haven't noticed." He heard the humor in her voice and forced a small smiled in return. He willingly complied and momentarily hissed at the pain when he raised his arms above his head to slide the shirt off, but the pain soon passed.

Once his shirt was off, Alex couldn't help but stare at the man. She wondered about him for so many years and she figured this would probably be the last chance she'd get to see him without his shirt on. He was such a private man. Although Bobby was much bigger than he used to be when she had first met him, she still found him to be just as attractive as before. He had a haggard, though manly, mischievous look to him. She recalled back in the hospital, after the nurses had shaven him numerous times; he still had that scruffy feel to his face. His infamous 5 o'clock shadow.

"Here, Bobby." She handed him a wet cloth. "Wipe yourself down as best as you can. We don't want you going into the ER smelling like alcohol."

He produced a weak smile and then grabbed the towel and began to wipe the strong smelling liquid off of his body.

"So…I guess this is the sponge bath I get to have for a week?"

Alex smiled at him. "I guess so."

A few minutes later, Bobby tossed the rag into the sink. "Good enough."

Pulling herself out of her haze, Alex nodded and then looked down towards his equally dripping pants. "Those need to come off as well." She told him.

Bobby caught her looking at him, but it didn't bother him anymore. If she wanted to look, so be it. He just wasn't sure what part of his body was all that good to look at. He hated it all.

_Well, almost all of it._

Bobby started to take his damp sweatpants off when she spoke up. "Let me wait out in your bedroom—" She spoke and started to turn slightly to walk out of the bathroom, only to whip back around when she saw him start to sway back and forth. She instinctively reached out for him to stabilize him from any further movement.

"You ok?" She asked, her hands still holding onto his muscular forearms.

"Y—Yeah…I'm just um, tired and kind of dizzy…which is probably from being tired."

She nodded. "Come on, Bobby." She lightly squeezed both of his arms. "Go sit on your bed and I'll help you."

"You shouldn't have to."

"That may be true, but I'm still going to."

She was reluctant at first to put her arm around a shirtless, Goren. She wasn't sure if he would pull away or not, but when she slung an arm around him; he willingly accepted the help. With all that had happened and continued to happen, at this point in time…it actually felt…nice and he definitely welcomed the feeling. It reassured him that someone was still out there. Her fingers were warm on his skin and he shivered in response though she hadn't caught it.

**A/N: Hey guys. Thank you to all that continue to read this and stick with me here (smiles).**

**-Snyder-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 10**

With Alex's help, Bobby eased his way out of the bathroom and towards his bed. Slowly, he sat down on the edge of the bed with a grunt.

"What do you want to change into, Bobby? Pajamas or something else?" She asked. "Or would jeans be fine?"

"No. I…I mean I don't wear pajamas. I don't even own any. I usually just fall asleep in my work clothes…if I can even sleep." He simply stated.

He had said it as if it had been just another random fact about his life. Bobby had no raw emotion in his voice, but it hurt Alex. Imagining him coming home from work just to sit on the couch and hopefully pass out was depressing to her. She felt remorse for him.

_No wonder he always stayed late at work…sometimes even asking me if I'd stay and help him with a case. _She now felt bad every time she told him to forget about the case for the night and go home and get some sleep. She knew he had troubles sleeping, but she didn't know that it was _this _bad. _Worry about it in the morning, Bobby. Yeah right! Way to send a lonely man back to his equally lonely and dark apartment. How could I have not known?!_

"Ok..." She sighed. "Jeans?"

"Y—Yeah, that'll be…um fine." His voice faded. "I can get them. I…I'm fine now." He slowly stood up.

"Bobby, are you sure?" She cautiously looked over him.

Bobby shifted nervously. "Yeah…um…" He began but stopped. He looked up at her with those innocent, lost eyes of his.

"I'll wait out in the other room, but if you need me let me know, ok?" He nodded.

She started to leave when she quickly whipped back around to face him once more. "And, Bobby?"

"Yeah?" He was still looking at her.

"Don't do anything stupid."

"I…I won't. I promise."

And somehow that little promise reassured her, though she knew it shouldn't. _Bobby wouldn't lie to me…not about this. He better not! _She mused as she closed the door behind her slightly; she didn't dare latch it though.

Bobby stood in place for a moment and looked down at himself. He was fucking tired and his mind wasn't working as well as he wished it to be. He slowly took off his sweatpants, nearly falling backwards a few times in the process. He sluggishly walked back into the bathroom to retrieve another rag to wipe himself down with.

_Good thinking, Eames. Better get all of this shit off of me before we go to the…god. I don't want to go. I don't want to go back. _But he knew he had to. Whatever Eames told him to do…he would do. It was a matter of trust.

Once he got back into his bedroom, after cleaning himself up, he quickly put on a clean pair of boxers and slipped into a pair of faded, blue jeans. Walking over to his dresser he grabbed one of his black t-shirts and slipped it on. He felt like a slob whenever he wore jeans and a plain old t-shirt, but truth be told, he still looked damn fine; more than fine…especially the way the shirt fit him. It was hugging his broad chest in all the right places and even though he still looked like hell, he was one hell of a hunk to stare at. His forearms were screaming out to touch them.

Bobby was exhausted by the time he finished cleaning himself up and getting dressed. He staggered back over to the end of his bed and sat on the edge of it. Once he sat down he couldn't help but lean back and rest.

In the meantime, Alex was getting anxious. It had been almost 10 minutes since she'd left his room and it was beginning to drive her mad. The sounds in his room seized and it concerned her. She felt like he was _her _responsibility and it was mentally draining; it was putting a lot of pressure on her and one slip up could fuck every thing up.

She couldn't stand it anymore and pushed her way into his room.

"Bobby?" And then she saw him. Sound asleep, his upper body resting on the bed and his feet planting firmly on the ground.

_Well, at least he's dressed. _

She walked over to him and grabbed his forearm lightly. "Bobby?" Still nothing. "Come on, Bobby. You need to wake up. I promise it won't be too long."

He finally started to stir and blinked a few times. "Eames?"

"Yeah, it's me. Come on, the sooner we go to the hospital and get you stitched back up, the sooner we can get you back home, ok?"

He groaned. "I'm so tired, Eames."

"I know." She said and softly lifted his shirt up to check his bandage one last time. There was hardly any blood soaking through, so there was no need to change it again.

"Bobby?" He opened his eyes, fully awake now. "When was the last time you drank anything?" She questioned, noting how weak he seemed to be.

"I…" And then he stopped.

"Ate anything?"

"In the...in the hospital." Bobby unconsciously shivered at the last word.

"Bobby, you have to drink liquids and eat or you'll become sicker and lose your energy."

"What about you?"

She was caught off guard by his question.

"What about me?"

"When was the last time you drank or ate anything?"

"I'm not worried about—" She was cut off.

"Well I am!" He raised his voice and struggled to sit up.

"You need to take care of yourself first, Eames." He shifted his gaze down towards his feet. "Don't worry about me."

_Please don't leave me._

She was taken aback by his statement. At first she was surprised by his line of questioning, but then she got it. This was, Bobby. Nothing more, nothing less.

_Always looking out for others before himself. Damn him. _

"Ok, how about we look out for each other? Sound good?" She asked and Bobby nodded.

"I…I'll always look out for you, Eames. No matter what." She nodded and placed her hand on his forearm. "When we get back, we can have some of that spaghetti you made." He paused. "Eames, I really am sorry I didn't…I shouldn't have…"

"Bobby…it's ok. Stop apologizing." She bent down and placed both of her hands on his knees. "You were tired. I don't blame you." She looked back towards the door. "Though I'm not sure if it will be any good now…"

"I put it in the…the refrigerator earlier. I…it should be fine." He stated and she looked surprised. "So…I guess we should get going?" He groaned.

"Yeah..." She stood up. "Do you need a hand?"

"Um…no, I think I'm good for now…though I might need your help halfway to the car." He admitted and felt ashamed because of it.

Bobby was the sort of man that did things on his own. He'd been taking care of himself, and others, since he was a young boy. He wasn't use to anyone caring for him or about him for that matter. He felt weak when he turned for help; it was just the way he was.

"I'm always here."

_I know, Eames. It's pathetic that I'm just now realizing that. Forgive me._

Bobby was right. By the time they had gotten off the elevator of his apartment, he was already worn out. He didn't think he would make it to the car, but Alex was right by his side the entire way, egging him to keep on going. And he did.

_She's my guiding light…what would I do without her?_

The car ride to the hospital was mainly silent. Bobby was dozing on and off, but that wasn't what kept him from speaking. He just wasn't sure what to say. Alex, on the other hand had a lot to say, but this _still _wasn't the time nor the place to play 21 questions. _More like a 100 questions._ She was worried about him and just wanted to get him feeling better first.

Alex decided to go to the same hospital that Bobby was admitted to only a day or so ago; Bobby was able to get right in with some persuasion. It took a great story on Alex's part, but she was able to convince the doctor, Bobby's doctor that he had when he was previously in here, that the stitches had 'come out' after Bobby had an extremely violent nightmare; tossing and turning roughly. The doctor eyed her suspiciously at first, but he trusted Alex's judgment and didn't question her explanation. He knew that she would take care of him and wouldn't put his life in danger; she had proven that to him already when Bobby was in the hospital. The doctor had figured all along that Bobby _would _have some sort of troubled nightmares due to what he guessed early being the marks of some sort of restraints; so he didn't question her.

"Make sure that he keeps his wound clean and doesn't move around a lot anymore. He hasn't been getting a lot of rest, has he?" Alex shook her head. _If you only knew. _"Something tells me that he's not one to just sit back and relax." Alex had to smile at the doctor's statement. "I'm going to give him some stronger pain medication and something to help him sleep. Make sure he takes these this time. There is no option here." He sternly told her. "He needs to rest. His body is still healing. No baths for a week like I told him before. I'd also like you to check his temperature every hour or so for the next 24 hours to make sure that he isn't running a fever. If it goes above 102 then he needs to come back in immediately. It's one of the signs of an infection." The doctor exclaimed. "These stitches are different than the previous ones. They should dissolve in about a week. Once they're gone he will be able to take regular baths again.

"Thank you…and doctor? I really appreciate all you've done to help us."

"It's not a problem. It's my job." He nodded. "Please let me know if you have anymore concerns." He stated and the walked off after shaking Alex's hand.

Alex turned and walked into Bobby's room just as he was putting his shirt back on. He looked even more tired than when she had first brought him in. From the way he was looking, she'd guessed that he'd already gotten a new dose of pain medication.

"See, I told you it wouldn't be too long."

"You cheated." He stated without even looking up. "You flashed your badge at the entrance and we got right in."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, sometimes this thing comes in handy. I don't try to use my badge to get special privileges, but I think this occasion called for it." She looked at him. He didn't put up a fight. "And I see you approve." He shrugged his shoulders. "Come on, Bobby, let's get the hell out of here. I hate hospitals."

"You and me both." He mumbled, though she hadn't heard him.

Once again, they made their way down to the first floor to pick up Bobby's new prescriptions and then made their way back to Alex's car. Just like before, Alex guided a staggering Bobby back to the car. She had one arm slung through his and he was beginning to get use to the contact; so was she. It felt reassuring in a strange way that neither him nor her were familiar with.

_Maybe…maybe it won't be so bad now. Alex will be with me. Won't she? God, I hope so. I need to tell her, let her know how much I appreciate her._

"What…what medication did you have to um…have to pick up for me now?" He asked nervously.

"The doctor gave you some stronger pain medication and something to help you sleep. He said the more rest, the better…so try not to move around a lot until you heal, ok?"

Bobby just groaned in response as they continued to make their way to Alex's vehicle.

On the way back to his apartment, Alex decided to stop by a corner store and grab some groceries.

"Bobby, would you like to come in or wait out in the car?"

He pondered it for a moment and then spoke up. "Do you even trust me to stay in the car by myself? I…I wouldn't blame you if you…"

"I …" Alex shifted nervously. "Bobby, I know I shouldn't…I just…I don't know, Bobby." She sighed. "God help me if anything happened to you while I was in there, but I don't think you'd make it a minute walking around the store." Bobby said nothing, so she continued. "Promise me you won't leave this car…or do anything stupid."

"I…" He choked on his words. _She doesn't trust me, does she? _"I…I promise."

"Bobby, you better not lie to me." Her voice grew louder.

"E—Alex, I promise." He swallowed hard. "I…I'm sorry. I…I don't want you to have to…to worry about me. It's the last…the last thing I want. I'm just too tired to even get out of my seat."

"I…its ok. I understand." She sighed. "Bobby, no matter what, I'll always worry about you." She got out of the vehicle and then turned to him. "Would you like anything in particular? Your refrigerator is prêt near empty."

"Um…just the basic necessities will be fine for me." He paused and the looked into her eyes. "Eames, I…thank you." He said and lifted his butt off the seat. By the time she realized what he was doing, he'd already pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Bobby, easy." She said as she watched him cringe and groaned in pain. "Its fine, Bobby. I've got it. Besides, I'm going to be eating the food as well." She smirked and he didn't put up a fight. He just sank deeper into the seat and tossed his wallet onto the dashboard.

She watched his eyes shut and she hesitantly stood there. Bobby knew she hadn't left yet, so without even opening his eyes, he spoke once more. "I'll be fine. I _promise._"

_You better not lie to me, Robert Goren._

Alex let out a long breath and shut the door and walked into the store.

Once, Bobby was sure Alex was in the store, he opened the window and flung his arm out of it. The cool breeze felt good on his skin. It was around 3:00AM now and he found himself to be staring up at the sky as much as he could muster. He was looking for answers up there, but he felt himself becoming anxious, and at the same time, relaxed. It was a weird feeling and he wasn't sure exactly what it was. A little over a week ago, he wanted to kill himself. Hell, yesterday he still did not wish to live, but he wasn't sure now. He started to shake at the realization that he might not be here, sitting here on earth right now if it wasn't for Alex. It was like a bad wakeup call. He recalled wondering if he should thank her or hate her for saving him. He also recalled saying that he could never 'hate' Alexandra Eames and that still held true.

_Should I thank her? _And he started to cry; tears slowly rolling down his face. He knew he should. _And I will. _He was thankful. He was still alive, though at the same time he didn't want to be. He was saved though, saved from himself. He would be alive forever more…as long as she was within eyesight. He would be with Alex for as long as she wanted to be by his side. It was up to her because Bobby knew that he wouldn't walk away from her. He looked back up into the sky and smiled, though the tears did not cease.

"I love you mom. I'll be with you soon enough." He whispered and wiped the tears from his face.

Before, Bobby was so far down that he didn't believe anyone was out there. When he screamed, nobody heard his cries. Some of his cries were out of desperation and despair but some were cries of help; he was let down almost every time. So many times he wanted to start over but there was no point. It was useless. When he sat on the floor, in his apartment, holding his gun, he felt as if there was no one within reach of him. The final string had finally broken; the one that was securely holding him down. It felt frighteningly cold. What was the point of living if there was no one there with you? Bobby just accepted that no one could reach him, that no one would be with him, and yet, there was one person that did. He remembered thinking of her, but he also knew, at the time, that she could not help him either. He didn't want her to. He was being tormented; haunted by so many different demons that it was killing him. Bobby knew that for someone to help him, they'd have to understand him…understand what it was that he needed help with and there was no way he would expose his fears, his worries and all the other fucked up misery with anyone else. He didn't want to burden them. He felt his armor becoming reinforced at the thought.

Bobby brought his head back down and glared down the street. He wiped at his eyes again, but they still bled so many different emotions.

Bobby was happy to be alive, though confused at the recollection. He only regretted one thing though; how it affected Alex. It affected her more than he would have ever thought possible. He knew he didn't regret the entire _action_ and that scared him. One thing he knew for sure was that he didn't regret was, letting Alex get into his apartment to save him.

He continued to look out the window, resting his head on his arm while looking out into the dark sky. He couldn't help but think about his mother. He wanted to see her again. He missed her so desperately even though caring for her put his life through hell.

20 minutes later, Alex walked back to her car. Like he had promised, Bobby stayed in the car and she felt her heart beat slow down at the mental note that he was still ok. She placed the groceries in the back seat and then hopped in. Bobby's face was facing away from her, so she couldn't see the look he had on his face. It was downcast.

"Bobby?" She spoke up and then noticed that the window was rolled down; Bobby's head was back against the headrest.

"Y—Yeah?" He whispered and Alex had to strain her ears to hear him.

"Are you ok?" She asked and resisted the urge to touch him.

"Yes."

She didn't push him.

Alex frowned as she started the car and took off in the direction of his apartment. She couldn't help but glance every now and then towards Bobby's direction. He, well, they both had been through so much, but the events were happening to him; she was just getting the aftermath of it all. She knew she should have him committed, she knew he should be watched by professionals for his own safely because if she'd lost him, she'd loose herself; but she couldn't. She couldn't do that to him so she took it upon herself to care for him; she doesn't regret it either.

He still hadn't turned his face towards her and this worried her.

_This poor man…he's been through so much. Self-torturing and all. God, I fear for him. Please, please let him be ok._

"Bobby?"

He turned his face this time towards her and Alex took notice right away that he had been crying. It brought tears to her eyes now and she swallowed and mentally pleaded for her voice to be steady when she spoke.

"I'm with you, Bobby." And she reached over and held his hand.

Nothing more was said on the ride back to his apartment. There was no need.

**A/N: So, please let me know what you think.**

**-Snyder-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 11**

Alex slowly pulled up to Bobby's apartment building and parked the car; her hand still holding tightly onto Bobby's limp one. He was asleep and she took a moment to take in his tiresome figure. His features looked so troubled and she desperately wanted to reach for him, cradle him and never let go.

_He looks so lost…but he's all mine._

Alex reluctantly let go of his hand and his eyes started to flutter at the loss of contact. Alex didn't notice his eyes briefly opening because, for one it was too dark, and she was too deep in thought.

Just like before, Alex repeated the same motions just like she did when Bobby came home from the hospital. She got out of the divers seat and made her around to the passenger's side where Bobby sat. She cautiously opened the door and reached to shake him softly when he turned his head towards her still half asleep.

She smiled at him. "Come on, Bobby. We're home."

"Hmm…home?" His lapsed memory temporarily failing him. "Oh…um, my apartment."

He slipped out of his seat with the help of Alex and shut his door. Once out, he turned towards Alex who was already reaching for the numerous bags of food in the back seat.

"I…Here, let me help—" He attempted and reached a hand out.

"Absolutely not, Bobby. You need to take it easy." She then darted her eyes towards the ground; anticipating a yell or at the very least some sort of protest from him.

It never came.

When she lifted her eyes towards his again a few seconds later, hers met his instantly. He knew what she had been expecting and it hurt him deep inside. Bobby didn't say anything though. There was no need to. He just sighed heavily and then turned in the direction of his destination.

_Dammit._

Once inside his apartment, with Alex right behind him, Bobby headed directly into his bedroom. Alex was about to curse herself inside and out until she noticed that, this time, he didn't close his door.

Alex mentally smiled.

As quickly as she could, Alex put the groceries away. Once all the items were stored in the appropriate place, she turned to head into his bedroom when she stopped mid step. He was standing in the doorway, leaning up against it, watching her. He looked the same except for his jeans were long gone, replaced with sweatpants.

"Bobby?" She asked and walked towards him. She stopped a few feet in front of him.

"Um…yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

He cocked his head at her; partially from amusement.

"When have I ever been _ok_?"

She smiled at him. "Dumb question?" He nodded. "But…are you, you know, ok?" Her voice became serious again.

Bobby began to think about it for a few moments. Alex could tell he was in deep thought by the way he started to fidget, and for a second, she didn't think he was going to answer. She was about to repeat her question when he took one large step towards her. Before Alex had a chance to comprehend what was happening, she was in a tight bear hug with Bobby. At first, she was tense, not sure what to do, but then she softened and felt herself hugging him back. Her hands were inviting on the muscles of his lower back.

This was their first _real_ hug. Actually, it was their first true contact besides the soothing touches Alex had allowed herself to make when he was in the hospital. There was the time when she had to put her arm around him to help him out of his bathroom and other occasions when they were undercover, but none of it compared to this. The difference here between all of the other times they had some sort of contact was that it was_ him_ that came to _her. _It was _his _choice.

The hug didn't last long. Bobby pulled away first, though he felt like he could stay like that forever. He didn't want to push his luck though for fear that he might be slapped again. Alex gave him a sort of peaceful feeling that no one had succeeded in doing. Ever.

He shuffled slight and then mumbled. "Thanks, um…Eames."

She nodded. "Anytime." She exclaimed and patted him on his forearm.

He looked deep into her eyes now and he knew she wasn't lying.

"So…um." He paused for a moment. "Do you…are you still hungry?"

She smiled. "Come on, Bobby." She motioned to the kitchen. "We both need to eat something."

After reheating up the spaghetti, both Alex and Bobby decided to eat on the couch. They sat in silence most of the time but truth be told, they both had so much to say. Midway through, Bobby could hardly keep his eyes open and Alex decided she had had enough of him struggling to stay awake. She stood up and grabbed Bobby's plate and took it into the kitchen. When she came back she had a glass of water in one hand and his medicine in the other.

"Here, Bobby." She hand him his pills and water. "Take these and…" And then she stopped.

Bobby was looking down at the floor but his head shot up towards her so fast that he thought for sure he'd have pain in his neck the next day. He knew why she'd stopped. She was "telling him" what to do again…and she was afraid of it. She was afraid of the yelling and screaming. She was afraid of being shut out again. She was afraid of so many things.

_She's afraid of me. _Bobby realized and started to cry.

"I'm…sorry." He whispered the last word.

Bobby popped the pills into his mouth as told and swallowed them with one gulp of water. He started to stand up when he felt two hands on either shoulder. He plopped back down onto the couch; too tired to resist.

"Don't be sorry, Bobby. I should be sorry." He looked up at her with a questioning look. "Look, Bobby, I know you didn't mean to yell. I know you're just…"

"Frustrated? Upset? Confused? Lost? Annoyed? Fucked up?" He finished for her. "Pick one."

She shook her head. "I know you're sorry, Bobby, but you're not fucked up." She wiped the tears away with her thumb. "I know you're sorry…" She continued again. "But so am I. So, are we even?"

He thought about it long and hard and looked deep into her eyes when he answered.

"No…we are…we're not even, Eames." He paused and licked his lips. Alex on the other hand was nervously biting hers. "I…We'll never be even because I…there's no way I…I could repay you for everything you've done for me."

She smiled and understood and felt relieved because of his words. Then she frowned.

"You don't owe me anything, Bobby. I'm not doing this to get a favor in return. I'm doing this because I care about you…and it's what friends do."

_Friends? Not partners…but friends?_ He continued to muse.

"Thank you." He whispered and leaned towards a standing Alex and wrapped one large arm around her waist.

"Anytime." She murmured.

Alex took a chance and placed one hand on top of his head. She unconsciously played with his hair and heard him sigh in contentment. She noticed him yawning now and decided it was time for him to go to bed. It was already a quarter past 5AM.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm." He said, loving the feeling of her playing with his hair. He didn't want her to stop.

"Do you…are you tired?"

"Do I look tired?" He half joked though he didn't loosen his hold around her waist.

"Yes."

"I should probably try and…and sleep some. This medicine seems to be already taking effect…what the hell is all the shit I just took anyways?"

He finally pulled away somewhat.

"Um…some Ambien CR for sleeping, Xanax to relax you, pain medication for, well the pain, and a few anti-biotics. What you're probably feeling is the Xanax. It works in about 10 minutes." She paused. "It's to calm you down...for anxiety." She explained though she knew he already knew what it was.

"Perfect." He mumbled. "I already have Xanax...I got it a while ago, but don't really take it." He explained and she nodded. "What is the doctor trying to do with all of this crap anyway? Kill me?" He half joke. He missed Alex's reaction to the word, 'kill.' He continued. "Would you…do you want to take my…my, um…bed tonight?"

"No, Bobby. We already went over this...You need your rest. Your couch actually isn't that bad."

He snorted. "Yeah, right."

He released his grip around her waist and she stood back to let him up. He started to walk towards his bedroom door when Alex spoke up behind him.

"Bobby?" He turned to look at her. "Let me take your temperature once before you fall asleep, ok?"

He looked at her quizzically. "Why?"

"Because the doctor told me to every hour or so."

He groaned in response. "In case of an infection, right?"

She nodded. "So…changed into…whatever you sleep in and holler when you're in…bed, ok?" She stumbled over using the phrase, 'when you're in bed.'

"Ok."

Ten minutes later, Alex heard her name and cautiously walked into his bedroom. He was already curled up underneath the covers and she could tell her wasn't wearing a shirt. His bare arms and part of his chest were shown to her and she was rather surprised, but said nothing.

"Where's your thermometer?"

"In the medicine cabinet." He said as he tried to get comfortable.

Alex walked into the bathroom and came out a moment later with a thermometer in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Three minutes later the thermometer beeped and Alex grabbed it from his mouth to look at it just as he reached for it.

"What, you don't trust me?"

"No, I don't." She confessed and he frowned and turned onto his side in return.

_Fuck._

It had come out quicker than she had wanted it to. She didn't want to tell him that but she didn't think before she spoke. Alex felt guilty for it but, ultimately, it was true. She couldn't trust him, not right now anyways. So much had happened the past few days that she was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She had to be cautious around him and it was making her feel uneasy in the process.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I—"

"It's fine." He whispered. "I wouldn't trust me either. Goodnight, Eames….and thanks…for everything."

_Son-of-a-bitch. Fix things now, Alex. Fix things now before you don't get that chance anymore._

Her voice failed her though and the only thing that came out was, "Goodnight, Bobby. I set a glass of water on your dresser…" She trailed off. "If you need anything…just let me know, ok? Don't try and get up and walk around. All this medication you just took is pretty strong and the doctor warned me…" She drifted off.

Bobby nodded ever so slowly and pulled the covers over his shoulders and held onto them tightly.

"You don't have to stay anymore…" He mumbled but Alex hadn't heard him.

When she left the room, Bobby say upright in bed, leaning his head against the wall like he'd done time and time again. He had a blank stare and was looking at nothing in particular. He blinked a few times and the silent tears started to stream down his face. This was one of those times…one of those times where he sat and cried with a blank express in which no one could read. No thoughts running through his head. He wasn't even sure why he was crying, but he felt alone again.

Then he remembered and a sobbed escaped his mouth at the thought.

_Eames doesn't trust me? I've lost the respect of her and now, she doesn't even trust me?"_

"Why couldn't I have just died?" He whispered to himself as he shifted his glace back toward the drawer where he knew his gun to be. He licked his lips, tasting the salty tears that were pilling up.

Her trust in him was everything to Bobby and he knew he'd lost it. What little progress they'd made seemed to be thrown out the door now.

Alex walked out of the room with the thermometer in hand. It read 99.4 which was a little high but nothing to be overly concerned about. When she sat back down on the couch, she recalled the hurt that Bobby had shown. It had struck him hard. She knew by the stunned look in his eyes that it hurt him that she did not trust him; and then for him to turn away from her.

_He said he trusts me and I can't even return the gesture. _She felt like shit. She wanted to go back into his room and explain, but she figured he'd be sleeping already.

When Alex said that she didn't trust him, she didn't mean at all. She trusts, Bobby Goren more than any other person. She just didn't trust him completely when it came to caring about himself and his wellbeing; perhaps his mind set at the time. She couldn't leave him alone because she wasn't sure if he would attempt suicide again and at some point she knew she would have to confront him about it.

She leaned back further into the couch and pulled the blanket that rested across it, over her body. She began to recall the look of him when he lay there, on the bathroom floor, covered in alcohol and blood. So many things went through her mind. She couldn't believe the look he had on his face. He almost looked like he'd given up; a lost boy in search of something that he failed to find. He was full of so much despair and he knew it as she recalled him looking up at her for the first time; hell filling his orbs as he looked up to see her standing over him.

And then the reason he did it. The explanation he gave her.

_Because of me? He wants to feel pain because of me? Because he yelled at me previously?_ She kept going back over his words. She couldn't get it out of her mind. She had questioned those words so many times already and it never failed to surprise her.

He obviously didn't expect her to find him. It's almost as if he's given up on everyone; possibly because everyone seemed to have given up on him.

_I can't believe he thinks that I would leave him. I won't...I can't, but something must be done._ She mused as she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

_Something._

**A/N: Hey guys, so how did you like it? Still reading? (Taps screen)**

**-Snyder-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 12**

It was exactly 7:17AM. Unlike Alex, it was a restless, dark night, or morning depending on how you look at it, for Bobby. He was having no luck sleeping…though all he wanted to do was relax. Sleep. Sleep off all of the pain and thoughts he was thinking. He tried shifting positions numerous times, but it was no use. Along with the pain in his side from his lung, and his throbbing head due to a migraine, he was unable to sleep through it; even with all the medication he was doped up on. He could still feel the medication and it made him feel like he were back at Tates…with the exception of the fact that he _knew_ he was free now.

It didn't trouble Bobby, though he knew he would never go back there…he just never liked the feeling of what medication did to him in general.

Bobby slowly shifting into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He sat that way for a few minutes and then stood up.

Too quickly.

_Oh fuck. Stupid medication hasn't even come close to wearing off._

He remembered Alex's warnings about him getting up, but he shrugged it off. He was a big boy…he could handle it. At least that's what he thought.

He wavered a bit when he lifted himself off the bed and immediately knew he'd gotten up too quickly because the room started to spin. His room was deathly silent and it frightened him somewhat. He brought his hands up to his head like he did every time he had a head ache, and after a few moments, the dizziness subsided.

He managed to push out most of the pain that was engulfing him and ever so slowly he eased his way to the bathroom. He used the restroom and tried to wash his face to awaken him, but it didn't help. He still felt like shit.

_I look like shit. _He looked in the mirror in disgust.

Walking back into his room, struggling to stay on his feet, Bobby stretched only to wince at the pain. He looked down at the patch job the hospital had done and noticed that some blood was soaking through it now.

_Just fucking perfect. I guess I should change it. _

Bobby figured he'd better sit down and do it; otherwise he feared he'd end up falling to the floor before he knew what hit him…literally.

He didn't want to bother Alex, so he decided that he would do it himself. How hard could it be? In all honestly, he wasn't even sure if she was still in his apartment or not and something frightened him at the thought of that. He didn't want to call her name out because, if she were gone, the realization would hurt him even more. All he held onto was the _hope _of her still being here with him.

_Maybe she left. I wouldn't be surprised…hell I wouldn't even blame her...I couldn't. _Bobby mused as he ripped off the bandage and tossed it aside.

As his large, lengthy frame made its way over to the bag that carried numerous bandages and other medical equipment, he bent down only to feel sick. His large frame becoming wobbly as Bobby, once again, stood back up too fast. He began to feel disoriented and tipsy. The medication he was on only intensified the effect.

_Fucking medicine!_

He tried to steady himself again, but this time he was unsuccessful. Everything combined with the anti-biotics, pain medicine, Xanax and sleeping medication did not help him as he tried to control his body, only to fall forward, hitting his head on a nearby dresser.

There was darkness for a few seconds and then, "Ah, fuck!" Bobby hissed as his eyes fluttered open. He reached for the spot on his head where it came in contact with the sharp corner of his dresser, only to find a bump and liquid coming out of it. "Oh perfect!" He mumbled as he tried to get up once more. He managed to get to his knees, but collapsed back down onto his stomach as the room danced in front of him.

He thought he heard himself silent scream, but he wasn't sure…he wasn't sure of anything.

Bobby couldn't get up. He felt like he was going to puke…then he was numb. A comfortable numb. Bobby hit his head hard, but luckily he was already halfway hunched over when he did collapse. Pain swallowed him along with the dizziness and knew he was in trouble. He wanted to just collapse here…stay on the floor and let the fuzziness swallow him whole, but he didn't think that would be such a great idea. There was only one other option and he felt ashamed to do it.

It almost scared him to do it.

"E—Eames." He rasped out, barely audible. He thought he was screaming, because everything was echoing in his head with the room swimming before him, but it was barely above a whisper.

He Listened. He waited. Nothing.

"Eames!" He spoke a little louder even though it was killing him to do so.

More waiting and then nothing.

_She did leave me. Good for her! _He thought as he rested his head back onto the floor and closed his eyes.

Bobby didn't mind dying. He wasn't afraid of it and actually didn't care one way or the other, but the only thing that kept him from it was, Alex. _Always Alex. _Before, when he had shot himself, all he thought about was himself and his sorry life. Now, all he was thinking about was her. _His _Alex. He forgot about her before…until he heard her on the other side of the door. Guilt. He didn't want to die in front of her. She didn't need to witness that. He knew that it would break her heart and she would blame herself for it…

_Besides, what's a little bump on the head going to do to me? _He rationalized. _It's not like it's going to kill me… _He deduced.

Bobby wasn't thinking clearly at the moment, so nothing seemed right to him.

Alex stirred when she heard what she thought was some sort of thump. She thought she heard her name, so she sat up straight and listened. She heard nothing. _Get a grip, Alex. Now you're hearing things?_ She was about to lie back down when her heart skipped a beat.

She remembered.

_Bobby_! _What if he was calling my name? Shit! _She gasped as she got up and quickly made her way to his bedroom.

"E—Eames…" He tried one last time and then murmured, "Sorry." Before his body went completely limp.

He gave up fighting the dizziness. He couldn't hold off any longer.

Alex got into the room right as he said her name in a daze. "Bobby!" She exclaimed as she spotted him lying on the ground next to his bed; face down.

She ran over to him for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the past week and grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him slightly. "Bobby…come on, I need you to wake up. Open your eyes, Bobby."

_You stupid idiot, I told you not to get up. _And then. _Fuck, this is my fault! Why did I fall asleep…again!? I said I'd watch him more closely and look what happened!_

She continued to shake him, lightly at first, but then more forcefully. She tried as best as she could to assess the damaged, but she needed to turn him over.

_I need to get him on his back._ With all her might, she rolled the man almost three times her size over and onto his back. His head wound looked painful.

She figured he had fallen and hit his head and she knew that it couldn't be good from his height. She also knew that he had been standing because of the placement his body was in.

_What the hell did he get up for?_ Her eyes then trailed down his body and noticed that he had ripped the patch off of his wound.

"Dammit, Bobby." She mumbled. "What the hell were you—"

"Hmmm." He moaned, cutting her off.

"That's it…" Her eyes shot back up to his face. "Bobby, come on. Come back to me." She whispered, trying to keep her voice steady. She placed her warm palm on his face.

The dizziness started to slowly recede and he felt a warm hand on his face. He leaned into it, hoping it were Alex. Bobby slowly opened his eyes and stared directly into the woman's eyes that were caressing him.

"You stayed?" He admitted, confused. He thought he was possibly dreaming now. His vision was still a blur but he knew her voice as well, if not better than his own.

_Besides, no one else would touch me like this…_

Alex cocked her head to the side, trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. A few moments later she had summed it up to him hitting his head too hard.

"Come on, Bobby. You need to get back into bed."

He swallowed hard, the room still spinning. "Why?" He chocked out.

"Why what?" She asked. "Why do you have to get back into—"

"Why did…did you stay?" He interrupted her.

It was as if someone had taken a sledge hammer to her heart. She hurt.

"Bobby, did you honestly think I left you? Abandoned you here?"

Bobby didn't speak; his expression told her everything she needed to know. His sad, brown eyes told her things that he could not do with words until he tightly shut them. He really did think she'd left him and she could tell by his reaction that he feared it.

"I'm not leaving you, Bobby, ok? " She stroked the side of his face now. "Can you stand up?"

Bobby started to sit up and felt a wave of sickness come over him; he collapsed back down onto his back. He shut his eyes uncontrollably, praying that this was all just a dream.

"Bobby?" He only groaned. "Bobby! You have to wake up." She shook his shoulders again. "Goddammit, Bobby, if you don't open your eyes, so help me god I'll call an ambulance right now!" She hissed at him. She knew he was in pain but this was the only way, though a very cruel way, to get him to open his eyes.

_He needs to stay awake._

He started to stir again and rapidly blinked. "Eam—" He didn't even finish his statement. He was too tired and too dizzy.

"Bobby? How do you feel?"

He swallowed hard and started to calm down long enough to answer her. "I feel wonderful, thanks for asking." He said sarcastically.

"Well then…" Alex decided to play into this a bit. "Since you feel so well, you won't mind standing up and getting back into bed now, will you?" She smiled and though he couldn't see it, he could tell by the tone in her voice.

Once again, with the help of Alex, Bobby sat upright. His eyesight was beginning to come back, but his head hurt badly. Bobby, all of a sudden, missed the numbness he was feeling earlier. He couldn't admit it to her though; he didn't want to go back to the hospital. Utterly, he felt like hell.

"You good still?" Bobby only nodded as he began to get back up with the help of, Alex.

Bobby winced and hissed in a painfully loud manner as he finally managed to stand up. Alex had an arm around his waist once again but she knew she couldn't hold him if he began to fall.

When he made it to the bed, he collapsed onto his stomach.

"Bobby…Bobby you have to turn over." No response. "Bobby?" She placed a hand on his arm. "Bobby?" She was getting worried now. Alex took a chance and placed her hand on the middle of his back and shook him slightly. He felt reassuringly warm.

Bobby groaned in response.

"Bobby, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes and look at me."

"Hmm…I can't…it hurts…" His words were muffled by the bed. "Stupid…stupid medicine…"

"Please, Bobby, for me?" After a few moments and with the help of Alex, he complied. Though in pain, Bobby managed to turn around and lie on his back; stretched out in the middle of his California king size bed.

"That's it, good." She cooed as she soothed his hair with her hand. She knew she shouldn't be touching him like that, especially when he was conscious, but she didn't give a damn right now. She had already crossed too many boundaries to care right now. To care at all.

"Eames…I'm so…sorry." He choked out as he began to close his eyes again; his movements not as precise. He felt so dizzy.

"Bobby, don't close your eyes, ok? You have to keep them open. Keep looking at me, ok?" He nodded but his eyes stayed closed. "Promise me, Bobby."

This time he opened his eyes. "I promise."

"Good, that's good. Bobby, can you stick this in your mouth?" She held up a thermometer that she snatched off the side table. "I need to take your temperature." She declared as she began to hand him the thermometer. She watched as he was barely able to lift an arm. He was exhausted. Alex shook her head and placed it in his mouth for him.

While Alex was waiting for the thermometer to beep, she reached up to his face and cleaned the cut and bump on his head. A small line of blood was trickling down his forehead, but it didn't look as bad as she first thought. At least she hoped. She knew she'd have to keep an eye on it though.

When the thermometer beeped, Alex reached for it as she watched Bobby fighting to keep his eyes open.

"100.1, Bobby. If it gets much higher, I'm hauling your ass straight back to the hospital where you will stay and be monitored by professionals." She declared. Not waiting for a response, she continued. "Bobby, what the hell happened?"

"I—I couldn't sleep. I stood up but I guess I got up too quickly." He briefly closed his eyes but opened them again when he felt her hand on his. "I went to…to put a new bandaged on my…I…I noticed that I…my…blood was soaking through it…so…I got up to change it. I got too dizzy and when I stood up again I—I fell and hit my head on…something." He said.

"Bobby, why didn't you come and get me? Or yell for me."

"I—I thought about it but…"

"But what?"

"But—I figured you had left. I didn't blame you…I don't blame you. Then, when I fell…I was hoping you were still here. I was hoping that you were still here before…but…" He stopped. "I called your name a few times and then…nothing." He said as he started to shake.

"It's ok, Bobby." She squeezed his hand and then let go of it.

Alex got up and left to go get an ice pack, but Bobby didn't know that and started to cry. A few tears at first, but then more poured on.

_She left me… _And that was what he feared the most.

**A/N: ****So…with this chapter, I thought of the song, "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd. Listen to it. It fits this chapter rather well I think. Love the song and I just watched a Youtube video, which is an LOCI video that has to do with "Untethered." It's one of my favorites. If you'd like to watch it, let me know and I can send you the link. Amazing vid!**

**So…what do you think overall? **

**-Snyder-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 13**

Alex slowly walked back into Bobby's bedroom, ice pack in hand, and stopped dead in her tracks. "Bobby! What's wrong?" She practically gasped as she ran towards his bedside.

Bobby looked up dumbfounded and for a few moments, the words would not come.

"Y—You…I thought you…" He staggered, unable to finish. He didn't need to though.

"Bobby," She sighed. "I told you I wasn't going to leave you. Shh. Shh. Calm down. I'm right here." She informed him as she took a chance and sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "I just went to get an ice pack for your head…see?" She asserted as she cautiously placed the ice pack over his forehead. "Bobby?" She bit her lip. "I'm confused. You want me to leave one minute and then the next you want me to stay…"

"No!" He briefly rose out of bed only to feel sick and fall right back down. "I—I thought you'd leave me but…I don't want you to. I just didn't…don't want you to be by…be around this…around me." He turned his head away in shame. "Please. Please stay with me. I don't want to be alone. I'm always alone and I fear that if I'm left alone again—" And then he stopped himself. He'd already said too much.

"What, Bobby? If you're left alone, what will happen?"

"I don't know." He closed up, still struggling to keep his eyes open. "I'm just scared to be alone…I'm always alone...and I don't know how much more of it I can take."

_Here it goes._

"Bobby…are you going to try and…and hurt...attempt suicide again?" She painful asked. It was the hardest question she'd ever had to ask anyone. She had to though…it was time.

Bobby's eyes closed briefly. He sure in the hell wasn't expecting her to ask him that, but at the same time, he knew she had to.

_And I opened the door for her._

"How do you know I tried to? Maybe it was an accid—" He tried to quickly explain with pseudo facts.

"Bobby!" She exclaimed with full emotion while interrupting him. She withdrew from him briefly, sitting up straight to look down upon him. "Don't treat me like I'm some kind of fucking naive idiot. I'm your partner, remember? I read the signs…I saw your badge…I know you don't want to…live." She whispered the last word. "You've stated so yourself." Her voice was shaking by this time.

He closed his eyes and didn't want to open them. "I don't know…" He wasn't sure what to say. "I know you're not an idiot, Eames, I...I'm just sick of everything. I didn't want you to see that. You deserve better from me." He licked his lips. "I…I didn't even shoot myself. I shot my…my badge and…I…it ricocheted off and hit me." He confirmed her suspicions. "I was so angry that I didn't think. I was so miserable that all I felt was pain."

_And I forgot…Jesus, I forgot about Alex._

A quiet sobbed escaped past her lips and it didn't go unnoticed by Bobby.

"Bobby?" She grasped onto his hand and he turned his head towards her. "Were you going to shoot yourself if…if the bullet didn't hit you?" She asked. She had to know, not for her own curiosity but for the sake of his well-being; at least that's what she kept telling herself.

Bobby looked up at her with those big brown eyes that now seemed to display anything but color. He tightly closed his eyes and spoke.

"At the time…Yes."

"Why, Bobby? Why?"

Alex only held onto his hand tighter.

"Life…it's just too much. I know it sounds pathetic. I know…I know everyone's life is hard…that it's just part of life, but…I…I just can't…couldn't take it any…anymore." He sobbed and covered his face with his freehand. "Do you know what I said to my brother! I told him that I'm done with him. That he couldn't contact me anymore, ever again. I told him that, if I heard that he was on a bridge, ready to jump, I…I…I'd listen for the splash." Bobby cried out and this time he successful sat up and firmly grasped onto Alex.

He needed support both physically and mentally.

Alex was stunned by his wording but even more stunned by the sudden contact. Her head was spinning with the newly found information and it scared her once again to think that Bobby might not be here with her right now.

_Oh god, what would I do without him?_

Robert Goren was a very strong man physically, but he was shattered mentally. She didn't shy away from him though as he continued to hold onto her.

"Shh. Shh. It's ok, Bobby."

"No! No it's not." His protests were coming on strong now, but neither Bobby nor Alex shied away from each other. "He's my own brother and I told him that." He wailed and lowered his head and placed it in the crock of her neck; his arms easily wrapped around her tiny frame. He was so weak that he could hardly hold himself up, so Alex wasn't surprised when she felt most of the weight on her body. She didn't care though.

_I've got you, Bobby. Always._

"Why did you tell him that, Bobby?"

"I saw…He's using again. I saw it…some…on his desk when I talked…went to confront him about, Donny."

"He's no good in your life, Bobby. You deserve so much more." She stroked the back of his head. "See what he does to you? He just brings you down. He's not worth it. You're too good of a man to have to deal with that."

She felt him shaking his head.

"Yes, Bobby, you are." She reinforced her previous statement. "Whether you choose to believe it or not."

"You…You didn't see me, Eames. It wasn't me. It was someone else talking to him. He was afraid of me…I was enraged and…I…I'm not someone you want to be around." He silently warned her.  
_**  
**_"Bobby, you've been through so much. And we all get angry….I'd be angry if I were in your shoes too. I'm not afraid to be around you. I know you'd never hurt me…" She paused briefly and then added, "I also know that you'd kill anyone that tried to hurt me." She softened as she rubbed his back.

"I couldn't protect you, Eames." He only held onto her tighter. "Please don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry….sorry for everything that has happened to…to you."

"Bobby, what are you talking about?"

Bobby swallowed hard and began to shake. "Jo Gage…when you were kidnapped, I panicked. I couldn't protect you then. I felt you slowly slipping away…God…I—I tried, Eames, I swear to god I tried, I tried to find you but…but I couldn't. You have to believe me that I did…"

"Bobby, you're still worried about that?" She pulled away from him slightly, surprised. He nodded his head and then rested it back on her shoulder. "None of that was your fault."

Alex knew he was worried about her when she was in the hospital. He _did _look like hell when he'd first walked into her hospital room. She'd never forget the look, _that _look on his face. She also knew that he thought it was his fault, even though it wasn't. When she fell asleep in the hospital bed that night, he was sitting next to her, holding her hand. When she woke up late into the night from a nightmare, he was still in the same chair, asleep with his arms crossed on the bed; head resting down on them. Over time, though, she figured he had gotten over it; just like she was attempting to do ever so slowly.

_How wrong was I?_

"Yes, yes it was! God, Eames, when I saw the body in the car…_your _car and thought…I thought it was you…I…I nearly…I almost lost it right then and there. I almost collapsed. I was terrified…I couldn't…I can't lose you." He paused briefly. "And then…" He shook.

"What, Bobby? Please talk to me. You know I'm here for you…I'll _always _be here...with you."

He sighed. _Here it goes._

"When I…when I found out that you requested a new partner…when you read the letter up on the stand—" He winced as he said it.

_Oh god, why did I have to bring that up? Way to go, Goren. Now you've done it, she's definitely going to run away from you now._

"Bobby, I didn't know you back then." She was becoming more upset now as she knew he was as well.

_Damn, he would have to bring that up. _She mused. _But what am I complaining about? He's finally opening up to me about this._

"You should've left me." He mumbled.

**A/N: I hope you like this so far.**

**-Snyder-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 14**

"Bobby, do you really want me to leave?" She asked him for what seemed to be the hundredth time. She knew that, even if he said "yes," she still wouldn't leave him. She couldn't. She'd remain next to him for as long as _he _would allow it.

_I swear to god if he assumes I'm leaving him one more time, I'm going to slap him silly._

Bobby thought about if for a few moments. He really did…for her own sake of course, but he found himself shaking his head. He felt selfish at the revelation. It was strange, but he'd be lost without her; and he deeply feared it. He feared it so much that it caused him to shake.

"No." He mumbled. "I was…I was talking about our…our partnership."

"I know." She whispered.

"But…But I'd be lost without you. It's just that…it hurt…."

"What hurt, Bobby? That—"

"The thought that…that you were going to leave me." He cut her off. "And yet…you remained." He whispered in awe. "I keep asking you to…to leave me now…if you want to leave me, because I was…I am embarrassed. I want to be prepared when you…when you leave me." He mumbled.

"I'm not leaving!" She firmly told him.

He sighed and pulled back to look at her in the eyes.

"I was teased after that…that incident because my…my partner couldn't even…" He lowed his voice. "Couldn't even stand me. Even to the point of where someone said I…I "guilted" my partner…you, into staying this whole time…with me." He shook as he continued. "But I can live with that. It just hurt that I had to find out that way." He explained as he slowly released his grip from her and lied back down. He couldn't hold himself up any longer, though Alex was doing most of the holding. "I would've…I never would've expected that from you." He shivered and turned away from her. "I was blind sided." He whispered. "I just wish you would've told me…"

"Who teased you, Bobby?" She said angry and then, "I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm so sorry. You know that none of that is true. I stayed because I _wanted _to. I just…I didn't know you then, Bobby, but I got to know the true man behind the name, your name, and I'm lucky I didn't leave."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not ten-years-old, Eames. I'm a big boy…I think I can handle it. Besides, I don't care what people say about me anymore…I've basically given up on—"

"But I do!" She exhaled deeply. "Bobby…" She muttered, turning to rub his shoulder. "Why didn't you ever talk to me about all of this?"

"Because I…" He licked his lips and lowered his voice. "Because I'm 'Crazy Goren.' I'm the 'Whack Job.' I have no…I don't have any feelings." He sobbed. "After my mom died…it's never been the same. I feel so alone, Eames…and you have no idea how bad it hurts. It's the worst feeling ever. I thought after it had…ended…after she died, that I'd feel some sort of relief, but the only thing I felt…feel was…is loneliness."

Bobby broke down. He began to let it all out. For the first time in his life, everything that absorbed him like a sponge was now flooding out of him and he deeply trusted the person sitting in front of him with this information. His walls failed him now, as they lay shattered on the ground around the two of them. Bobby confessed everything, everything that upset him, hurt him and things that troubled him; things he worried about. It all poured off of his crevasses. He looked so broken, so hurt as he confessed everything to Alex. At times, he even looked embarrassed.

"Bobby…" She exclaimed. "I'm not leaving you. You're not alone. Can't you see that? I'll never leave you. Never!" She sternly told him. "I'm just…I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I wish…I should've told you, Bobby."

"P—People always go…they leave me…it's what I'm used to…"

Alex sighed, she couldn't argue with that part of _his _life. Slowly, Alex started to drift her hand down his hip, patting it lightly to reassure him, when he winced in pain. Immediately she pulled her hand back in horror.

_Oh god._

"Bobby, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to touch—"

"No!" He practically jumped out of bed and turned his head to look at her. "I mean…its fine. It's just that…" He bit his lip. He wasn't sure how to tell her so he mustered up the courage and slowly turned onto his back.

_It's the only way. _

After a few moments, Bobby reached down to his boxers and lowered one side of them a bit so that they were bellow his belly button and resting just on his hip bone. An immediate gasp was exerted from Alex's mouth as she saw, for the first time, what the chain had done to his waist.

_There goes all the dignity I have left…_

Bobby's eyes were tightly closed so that he couldn't see Alex's reaction. He heard it though and it made him tighten up.

"Oh. My. God. Bobby, I…I'm so sorry. I didn't know…I didn't realize it was that…bad." _Of course it was that bad, you idiot. _She mused. "Does it…does it hurt?" She softly asked as she tried to fight back the tears. She wanted to desperately soothe him, but she figured he'd back away now. He was already opening up more than he'd ever done so she didn't want to push her luck. Bobby didn't open his eyes, so she tried again. "Please, Bobby, please look at me." And he did.

He looked at her for a brief moment as he let his boxers rise back above his hip, and then closed his eyes. He wanted to desperately hide underneath the covers.

"Yes…it hurts. They gave me some cream to put on it…but it…it's not worth it." He admitted.

"Bobby, you need to use it so you don't have any scar—"

"The doctor said I would scar there anyway…and…and on my ankles and wrists as well. It's just supposed to stop it from hurting and…and heal better than it would without it."

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I wish I would've never let you go in there."

"Like you could've stopped me." He said matter-of-factly. "Once I make up my mind…." He trailed off. "You know how I get, Eames…I…I'm just sorry I had to put you in that position. Now you have a mark on your jacket because of _my _actions. All you tried to do was help me. It's not fair to you, Eames."

"I don't care about that, Bobby."

"But I do! " He yelled. "I should be dead!" His voice rose. "Then you…you wouldn't have to deal with me." He mumbled the last part, but she had heard him.

"Bobby, is that what you thought? Is that what you think?" Small pieces of the puzzle were falling into place now. "Bobby…" She attempted but he refused to look her in the eyes this time. "Bobby, you look at me now!"

Bobby shifted and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes. It's how I felt…how I feel. I…I'm just a burden to you. It's not fair to you, Eames. I know you didn't have a choice when you were partnered with me and now look where it's gotten you…" He explained. "I figured I was just…I was just doing everyone a favor…including myself."

"Jesus, Bobby." And Alex started to sob. Uncontrollably.

"I'm s—sorry. It was just…easier."

Alex started to shake as she put her hands up, lightly covering her face.

"You did this because you thought you were a burden?" She asked with her hands still covering her face.

"Yes." He whispered. "More or less…mixed with a few…a few other things." He mumbled. Bobby sat up in bed and reached for her hands. Slowly, he pulled them away from her face.

"Bobby…" She attempted as she felt him grab her hands. "Taking…taking your own life isn't doing anyone a favor. Did you think I'd not miss you? That I'd just say goodbye to one partner and move on as if it were nothing? As if you didn't mean anything to me…after 7, almost 8 years?!"

He sighed. _It sounded like a good idea at the time._

"I don't know…I was just…"

"Just what?"

"Just doing it for you…for me…for everyone, for so many reasons. I can't explain my reasoning behind my thoughts…especially not that night…but…" He sobbed. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Alex." He said as he brought her tiny hands that were cupped in his large ones up to his face. He lightly kissed them as if begging her for forgiveness.

Bobby and Alex were in a tight hug once more. Both needed the contact just as equally as the other. After several minutes, Alex pulled away and looked at Bobby, straight into his watering, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't…wasn't thinking about…about anyone but myself. I…I was but at…in the end…it would only relieve my pain." He mumbled.

"Bobby, don't you think that's up to me to decide?" He looked at her, deep into her eyes and she thought she could feel him reaching for her heart. "If I wanted to leave you, I would've left a long time ago, but I didn't. And I don't want to." She wiped at her face. "And I don't want you to leave me, either. Bobby, being without you in my life would have been…I can't even..." She sobbed, she was unable to finish, and then she whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you…if you…if you weren't here right now…"

"I'm…I'm sorry. I guess…I guess I just didn't think I…I mattered to anyone."

"You matter to me, Bobby. To _me!_" She told him.

"I know." He swallowed. "I realize that…now." He paused. "I…I just knew I was falling…and I…and when I started to fall, I didn't want to take you with me along the way."

"I'd rather fall with you, Bobby, than not be with you at all."

He nodded and he understood her. "If you say so…"

"_I _say so." She told him and she meant it.

He closed his eyes and mumbled, "Tired" and then "Sorry."

"It's ok, Bobby. You need your rest. We can talk later, ok?" He nodded. "Are you still dizzy?" She asked, grabbing the ice pack off the bed that had long since fallen off of his head when he first sat up. "Your head looks bad, Bobby."

"No, not too bad. I…I feel better. I have a bad head ache, but what do you expect?" He almost smiled. "I'm just…Cold." He choked out.

"Well, this was resting up against your body," She held up the icepack, "Instead of your forehead like it should've been." She smiled at him. "Here." She pulled the covers back. "Roll over so I can get you under these. I can't if you're laying on them."

Slowly, he rolled over to the other side. She folded the covers down and called him to come back over to her. She tucked him in and sat back on the edge of the bed.

"Better?" He nodded. "Ok, I'll let you get some rest but first you're going to put some of that ointment on your—" She didn't even know what to call it, so therefore, she didn't try.

Bobby looked up at her and only nodded. "It's ok, Eames." He managed in a whisper. "I, um…can you get it for me? It's on my dresser over there." He nodded in the right direction.

Alex touched his shoulder briefly and then stood up off the bed to retrieve the cream. When she came back, she went to hand it to Bobby, only to find that his eyes were closed.

"Bobby, wake up." She said only slightly worried.

"I am awake, mom. I just had my eyes closed." He said with his eyes still closed.

"Mom? I'm not old enough to be you're mother, Bobby. Actually, come to think of it, you're older than I am." She smirked and this got him to open one eye.

"Smart ass." He said as he slowly sat up with the help of Alex. He propped his back against his headboard and then grabbed the cream from her hand.

It actually made Alex happy to see Bobby muster up a joke. Somewhere inside of him, she saw the old Bobby returning. At least she hoped. She had to grin and prayed that quite possibly, he would make it through this.

"Do you need any help?" She asked hesitantly.

Alex knew Bobby never liked to ask for help, but she felt helpless just standing there watching him. She knew he needed help because of how weak he'd been lately, so it was no surprise to her when he nodded.

She knew she'd feel uncomfortable at first, touching him in places she only dreamt of, and she figured he would be as well, but she didn't care. If he needed help, then she would be there to help him.

"I…Can you, um…can you do my ankles…please?" He quietly asked her with his head dipped down.

"Sure, Bobby." She said as she reached for the ointment that was still in Bobby's hand.

Slowly, Bobby moved the covers to one side so that she could access his legs to apply the cream to his ankles. She winced at the sight of them. She felt horrible.

_How the hell could anyone do this to a human being?_ She was pissed but even more so, hurt. Upset that it had happened to him of all people. He was so kind and fragile and this was the last thing he needed in his life right now. _No one every deserves this…especially Bobby._

She nodded towards him, and then turned her body to face his legs. She started to make small circles on his ankles, every now and then looking up to make sure he was ok. He only nodded and she continued. After finishing up with the left ankle, she moved to the right. They looked horrible and definitely painful. She couldn't even imagine what it was like; strapped down to a steel table with chains, no food and water for god knows how long and the thought that you might never make it out of there alive...

_Oh god, the thoughts that must've been racing through his mind._ And then it hit her even harder. _He needs to talk about it…I KNOW it has to do with all of what has happened these past few weeks._

Alex felt tears building up in her eyes. She prayed that they didn't fall. She finally, to some degree, understood what Bobby's life entitled and why he wanted to end it.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Bobby asked.

_Now is not the time, Alex. He needs his rest._

"Nothing, Bobby." She remarked as she finished up his other ankle. "Is this ok?" He nodded. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"Yeah, that's perfect." He mumbled and then, "You could never hurt me, Eames."

She forced a small smile. "Don't forget to get your waist and wrists." She reminded him as she started to get up. "Do you need anymore help?"

He shook his head as a yawn overtook him.

"I can do the rest. Um, thanks."

"Go to sleep, Bobby. I'm still coming in here every hour and waking you up so you better enjoy the sleep. Ok?"

"Ok, Eames…and Eames."

"Hmm?"

"Thank you." He mumbled as he lay back down. He was waiting for her to leave before he pulled his boxers down to apply the cream all the way. He was ashamed of the raw marks on his already marred up body.

Alex knew it was going to be a long, rigorous road ahead of them; but she believed in Bobby and knew that he could make it. He was a strong man and just need a friend, his partner to help him those last few feet.

**A/N: Hope you like it so far.**

**-Snyder-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 15**

Alex walked out of Bobby's room with the sensation of accomplishment. A small burden was lifted. For the first time in years, Bobby had finally opened up to her; in some regards, more so than he ever had in their whole entire time as partners. Ultimately, it made her smile.

Bobby had exposed his heart, stretched out his hands towards her and admitted everything. He was straightforward with her, though shattered the entire time, and exposed himself bare in front of her. It wasn't a sexual thing, but a huge emotional accomplishment. This was larger than anything else. Everything that was on his mind and events that continues to horribly haunt his brilliant mind from years ago. He bled to her how he felt. She could tell how raw he was with emotion and it caused pain within Alex's heart.

_He confided in me. For the first time, he told me everything._ And she sighed and thanked god at the thought.

She then frowned. Her body was rid of the horrible feelings for a few moments, but then other memories began to haunt in return. It never ends. She knew this was only the beginning but she also knew that it was a start.

_It took him 7, hell, 8 years to open up to me like this, so patients are definitely one thing I have. __With Goren, you won't survive without them and I believe that's where his previous partners failed him the most._

Alex became anxious as she shifted positions on the couch. She had been laying there for about 45 minutes already and soon, she would have to wake up, Bobby. It was nearing around 9:30AM and she wasn't use to this weird schedule that they'd been keeping the past few days, but she knew she had to wake him up to make sure he was ok. She feared that he would have to be put back into the hospital after what he did to himself, but to her surprise, he was healing quite nicely. The mentally part of his psyche was another matter and something she figured she would never truly understand.

She started to relax a bit and concentrate on the good that came from their previous conversation, when she heard screams coming from the other room. Bobby's room.

"NO! Eames, please help me!! Don't. No! God…no, don't let them! EAMES! Please! God, NOOO!"

Alex was in Bobby's bedroom in record time. She figured he had fallen again and was about to yell at him for getting up when she froze. His voice, his screams, his cries for help were piercing her ears and it was breaking her inside. It frightened her even more.

Bobby was still in bed asleep. He was shaking, quivering as he still lied in his bed; the covers tossed in no particular order. Beads of sweat coated his forehead. He was on his back and his arms were at his sides…as if he were chained up. Just like he was when he was at Tates.

_Oh god, he's having a nightmare about that place. _She deduced as she ran to his side. _I wondered when these would start…_

"Bobby!"

"Water…" He mumbled and then, "Can somebody get me some water!?" His voice wailed. He continued to mumble unintelligible things that Alex wasn't able to make out and it struck her hard. It frightened her.

"Bobby. It's me, Alex. You're ok. Bobby, open your eyes. I'm right here. No ones going to hurt you." She pleaded with him. "Please, Bobby, open your eyes." She was begging him now.

Alex didn't know what really went on in Tates, and concluded that she'd more than likely never truly know.

_Please, god, please!_

Bobby continued to thrash his head back and forth, but his feet and arms remained still.

"I'm not crazy. I'm NOT!" He wailed. Not only did it pierce Alex's ears this time, but it also reached her heart as well.

_I know you're not, Bobby._

"Bobby! Open you're eyes." She continued to encourage him softly as she listened to the words that plagued his memories. She didn't want to yell at him in fear that he would cower down to her. So, after a few seconds she instinctively reached a hand up and placed it on his right cheek; her palm flat against his face as she rubbed his growing, grey stubble.

This did the trick and Bobby opened his eyes wide after rapidly blinking a few times. Instincts kicked in and Bobby immediately pulled back, away from the unknown person that was touching him. Alex let him pull away. He crossed his arms over his face for protection from any beating that was about to come. He was afraid…afraid of being tortured again by the guards.

"Please, no." He mumbled, though it was muffled by his large arms.

Tears were rolling down his face, both of their faces.

"Bobby…" Alex attempted again and reached for him, but stopped inches short. She didn't want to frighten him anymore than he already was.

_That's no guard. _He mused. _Eames?_

Bobby slowly pulled his hands away from his face and took a chance to look at her. _Eames. _He immediately recognized who it was and started to cry. He desperately reached for her and she met him half way.

"Shh. Shh. Its ok, Bobby. It's me, Alex. I'm here. You're ok. They'll never hurt you again." She choked. "You're in your apartment, in your bedroom."

"Alex…please, please stay with…with me. Don't…please don't leave me."

"It'll be ok Bobby. I'm not going anywhere." She held onto him even tighter. "Never."

"You can't…can't promise that…" He whispered.

She pulled away from him slightly to look into his eyes. They were dark and held something in them that she knew would give him nightmares for years to come.

"I'm not going to walk away from you, Bobby." She said as she continued to look into his brown pools that held so many tears, so many fears. "I said I'd never leave you, and I meant it. I'll stay with you forever, Bobby, if you'll allow me to." Alex said and then pulled Bobby back to her. They held onto each other for dear life for what seemed like hours. Finally, Alex pulled away first and looked towards Bobby's reddened face that was buried in between her shoulder and neck.

"Bobby? I need you to take your temperature, ok? You feel warm."

He nodded in agreement and opened his mouth so that she could put the thermometer in. He never let go of her the entire time. When it beeped, she grabbed it and read it out loud.

"101.5, Bobby, I'm worried. The doctor said if it gets above 102, then you have to go back into the hospital."

"No!" He attempted to cower away from her. "Please, I—I don't like hospitals."

_I guess this would be the perfect time to ask him why. It's scaring me how much it scares him._

"Bobby?" She touched his shoulder gently. "Why don't you want to go back to the hospital?"

"I…I don't like them." He shook and she only soothed him more. "I…when I was younger, I spent a lot of time in…in them." He sobbed and directed his glance back to at Alex. "Don't make me go back. I don't like them…and I try to avoid them at all…at all costs. When I started to grow up, in junior high, my…my mom spent a lot of time in them…when she was sick. I felt…I was so young and it..." And he sobbed. He couldn't finish, but there was no need.

"It's ok, Bobby." She cooed. His only response was more shaking.

_How could I have not known this? How could I have missed it? How could I have been so stupid?_

"Bobby, let me try to get your fever down then, ok? I'm going to go get a cold towel and another ice pack for your head." She stated and started to stand up, only to be pulled back down onto the bed. "Bobby." She looked at him. "I'll be right back." She mumbled and ran a hand through his hair a few times. She tried to stand up once more, only to fail.

She looked down at Bobby who was literally trembling. He was shaking the whole bed and it scared her. She had never witnessed in her entire career as a police officer, _anyone _as afraid as Bobby was at this very moment. She wasn't use to seeing her big bad partner with his, albeit gentle voice who stood almost 6 feet 4 inches tall, scared. He looked like a little boy with those pleading eyes; a scared adolescent. This wasn't the normal Bobby Goren she knew.

_God, help me help him._

**A/N: Please review.**

**-Snyder-**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 16**

"Don't leave me." He whispered.

"Bobby, I have to get an ice pack for you. I have to cool you down." She said and then bit her lip. An idea struck her but she hated herself at the thought. She had to do it thought. She knew it would work. "It's either an ice pack or the hospital." She informed him though she felt guilty for doing it. The both cringed in response. Bobby slowly released his grip around her waist; enough so that she could stand up. "I'll be right back." She informed him and quickly ran out of the room before he could say anything.

When Alex came back into the room, not a minute later, she found Bobby tucked under the covers, head and all, curled up in a ball. He was shaking. Violently shaking and she thought she heard him whimper as well.

Alex could see the movement in the comforter he was lying under and went to him. She had the biggest urge to hold him in that very moment and never let go.

"Bobby, I'm back." She exclaimed. She figured he'd immediately clamp to her once more as she sat on the bed. She expected his muscular, tan arms that were as strong as vice grips to come flying towards her, but they didn't. He didn't move and she rubbed his back through the covers in response. "Bobby, come out of there. I need to cool you down. Please." Once again, her pleading with him helped and he willingly complied.

He turned onto his back and turned his head to face her. She gently laid the ice pack wrapped in a paper towel on his forehead and wiped the sweat away from his face with a damp cloth. She continued her ministrations for 15 minutes and then tossed the ice pack and cloth aside. Alex noticed his steady breathing and figured he was asleep again so she deeply sighed, stroked his hair once, and then reluctantly got off the bed. She started to walk towards the door when she heard him whimper.

"Bobby?" She turned around in surprise. "I thought you were sleeping."

He blinked and then whispered, "Stay." It was the only word to come out of his mouth.

Her heart softened for this man and the weakness in his voice alone made her want to cry. She could tell by the look in his eyes, by the body expressions he was exhibiting that he wanted her with him. In the same room. He didn't want to be left alone and Alex recognized the reasons behind them and she intended on doing whatever she could to help him.

"Ok, Bobby, I'll stay." She said and took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Just try and get some rest, ok? I won't leave you." She sympathized and reached for his scratchy face. She stroked it softly a few times and then got up off the bed. Bobby's eyes were closed as she laid her soft hand on his left cheek, but as soon as she pulled away, his eyes were wide open.

Bobby opened his eyes to see what she was doing and saw her pulling a chair up to the side of his bed from the corner of the room. He froze a few moments and then willingly pulled the comforter back. Alex saw him willingly open himself up to her and was surprised by the gesture. Caught off guard for a few seconds, her mind caught back up and recognized that it wasn't a good idea. They had crossed the line, though a very thin, smudged line, already. He saw her look at him reluctantly and spoke up.

"Eames, please. I…just, I just don't want you to try and sleep on…on a chair. Stay with me? Please. I promise, I promise I…I won't touch you…I would never…I won't hurt you." He practically whispered the last part to her, ashamed of himself.

_Maybe that's why she's afraid? Afraid that I'm…violent? That I AM insane?_

"Oh, Bobby…" She interrupted his thoughts. "That's not it at all. I _know_ you would never hurt me. I'm not worried about that—"

"Department policy…" He murmured as it finally hit him. He slowly let the covers fall back down over him. "Since I'll probably be out of a job soon, it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"

"Bobby, they're not going to fire you. They're punishing you for your previous actions, not firing you."

"Well, yeah, but not after this—" He began to explain, but was cut off.

"I took care of it." She softly spoke in a reassuring voice. "I talked to, Ross. I called him when you went into surgery and told him…almost everything. What I knew anyways. I pleaded with him not to say anything to anyone and he promised he wouldn't. I told him I'd…handle it."

Bobby looked dumbfounded and for a few moments, words would not come.

"But…" He paused to gather his thoughts. "But how do you…how can he explain us being gone so long?"

She held a hand up. "Ross took care of that. He's telling everyone that we're on a months leave because of the vacation time that we have stacked up."

"Aren't I on suspension anyways?" He asked.

"Well, yes. But I think he wants you back as soon as you're ready to come back."

"It's not up to him…"

"I know, Bobby." She frowned. "It's just a cover story, ok?"

Bobby thought about it and looked up to Eames with admiration. "Thank you for everything. I didn't…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable…I—I just didn't want you…I don't want you to sleep on the…on a chair. You don't have to…to stay in here."

"It's ok, Bobby. You don't make me feel uncomfortable. You never have." She smiled. "I just want you to get some sleep. So, just try and rest, ok? I'll be here if you need me."

Bobby nodded and tried to relax. He tossed and turned for about 30 minutes until he finally managed to fall back into a light sleep. His nightmares would not cease, however. He started to mutter unrecognizable things once again and it woke Alex from her light sleep right away. Bobby started shaking again and mumbling something about "pills" and "water," when Alex got to her feet. She bent down next to him and shook him lightly to wake him.

"Bobby…" She mumbled as she sat on the bed. This time he awoke quickly and looked at her once again with tears in his eyes. He didn't have a chance to speak before she murmured, "Scoot over, Bobby. I'll stay with you."

Bobby looked up at her and quickly complied; scooting over to the other side of the bed. He opened up the covers for her and stared at her. Alex got into bed and hardly even moved the bed when she lied down. She was very light and it brought a sad smile to Bobby's face. He was still scared, scared of the nightmares that began to haunt him, but knowing that Alex was right next to him made him feel some sort of awkward peace. He wasn't sure how close she'd let him get, but his questions were quickly answered when he heard her speak.

"Come over here, Bobby." She signaled with her arm.

"Ea—Alex, are you sure?" He questioned, using her first name. "I don't want to…"

"Yes, Bobby. Now come over here." She said, reaching her arm up to allow him better access.

Bobby didn't have to be asked twice and willingly scooted over and snuggled up next to her. Softly, he placed his head on her shoulder and let out a sigh of contentment.

_So this is what it's like to feel safe…to be held by someone you trust._

Alex wrapped her arm he was laying on, around his back and soothed him; rubbing small circles on the middle of his back. He was a large man, so large that she was barely able to reach his back with her short little arm that he half-covered. It was a nice feeling and she deeply welcomed it.

Bobby was nothing like Joe, but that didn't mean that she didn't feel anything in this very moment. She adored Bobby, but most importantly, she loved him and would do anything for him. She'd felt this way for years. She couldn't pinpoint the exact day or even month that she realized it, but she didn't try to. Alex was used to being alone again once Joe died. She also realized that Bobby too was use to being alone because his life was nothing but pure loneliness, but everything happens for a reason...and Alex knew from this day on that she'd never be alone again. And neither would he whether he knew it or not.

Bobby's mind was reeling, but he took a chance and slung one arm over her stomach as she continued her ministrations. Immediately after his action, he titled his head up to look at her as if to ask her permission.

"It's ok, Bobby. Just get comfortable."

And he did. And so did she.

Alex felt comfortable in holding him because it made her well aware of that fact that he was still alive. He was with her and she thanked god for it. She slowly felt him coming back to life and she only held onto him tighter.

Bobby managed to quickly fall back asleep in the comfort and safety of the arms of one, Alexandra Eames. He felt safe. _I'm AM safe now. _And it was his last thought as he drifted off into a comfortable abyss.

Alex managed to dose off every fifteen minutes or so, but her mind was filled with racing thoughts that would not diminish. She didn't know what was going to happen to him, or to his career.

_Would this incident leak out?_ _It would indeed ruin his career if it did_. _It's already fucked up as it is…especially his reputation. Bastards! _She mused as she looked at the head of the man whose face was now buried into her side.

_So Bobby…So Broken…So mine._

**A/N: Hope all is well with you all (Smiles). So, this is what I have so far. No worries, more to come! Please R&R.**

**-Snyder-**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 17**

All through the late morning and early afternoon, Bobby was haunted and tormented by horribly dreams; nightmares he knew he would never attempt to speak of when he was awake. The nightmares weren't just about Tates and the recent events in his life…they were about his mother, his not-so-known father, Alex's kidnapping and other horrible memories he had endured, suffered through and never been able to forget about no matter how hard he tried. When Bobby laid down for bed every night, even before Tates, he never knew what dream would terrify him during the night and into the wee hours. It scared him in the beginning when they had first started, but not so much anymore. That didn't mean that he wouldn't wake up with a start in a cold sweat. When he was at work, he'd pretend that nothing was wrong, that he was ok, and put up an extra wall just in case someone tried to read through it; read him. Truth was, at times he just wanted to run and hide when he went through those nights, some of the worst nightmares, where he only got no more than an hour of sleep. He'd occasionally go into a private room at work, sometimes an empty interrogation room and rest heavily against the wall. He'd tightly close his eyes and wish that his dreams would fade...that one night they'd be gone all together. He hated it, and hated himself because his nightmares frequently visited him while at work. Just one little occurrence in a single case, just one little hint of something that related back to him and his life and it would send his mind on a downward spiral. He kept telling himself to let them go, to rid his mind of it all, or at least until he got back home, but with little success. No matter what happened though, he just could not relieve the pain of them. It was _very_ rare for him to have a _pleasant_ dream, but when he did, it was either about the rare occurrences in his childhood where he was happy and everything seemed right in the world…or about Alex. Nothing else. He loved the ones about Alex the most.

Alex lay in bed, lightly asleep when she started to hear Bobby softly whimper and then begin to toss and turn lightly in her arms. She felt him tense up, all the muscles in his back tighten briefly, but she'd rub his back softly and sooth it all away. She had been doing it all night and Bobby reacted rather quickly and gave a content sigh and quickly fell back asleep in Alex's arms. It made her smile when he wrapped his large, lengthy arm around her waist; almost protective like.

Once, early after he had fallen asleep, Bobby needed to use the bathroom. Surprisingly enough, Alex didn't need to help him along the way. As she waited for him to return, she couldn't help but think about him and about where they were at this very moment.

She knew she shouldn't be laying here like this, both of them in the same bed, but now, right at this moment in time, she didn't give a damn.

_Screw what anyone says. _She mused as she waited for Bobby to return to bed.

The more time she spent with Bobby after, not just Tates, but after the incident, the more broken she'd realized him to be. She never thought it was this bad…she never knew about the things that went on in his mind; though she damn well tried. She wondered if he would ever cope from this and move past this dark side of his life. She wished he _would _be happy, but it seemed like light years away.

Alex was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Bobby walking back into the room until he sat down tiredly on the bed. She looked over towards him and mentally frowned. He had put a shirt back on which, she gathered was from embarrassment. It took him no time at all, however, to snuggle back up against her though. That gave Alex some satisfaction. She knew Bobby was a shy man, so she wasn't going to question him.

_If only he'd talk to me…seriously talk to me and tell me about everything._ She mused. _Well, at least he did confide in me somewhat tonight._

Truth was Bobby wasn't use to talking to people about his problems. He had always been on his own with very few _serious _girlfriends. It just never seemed to work in the end. After the Army, once he settled into the narcotics division, he realized how much time work took away from his life. He didn't mind it though, but it was killer on relationships. Twenty-seven arrests and Twenty-seven convictions wasn't something you could do in an eight hour work day and it took a toll on not just his love life, but his entire social life as well. After narcotics, he transferred to major case which he took a full commitment to as well. Since major case, he can't truly remember the last serious relationship he'd been in. Contrary to popular belief, Bobby wasn't the man everyone in the office thought he was. Sure, he was smooth with the ladies and knew how to charm and be romantic, but he was hardly ever taken like most people thought and he certainly didn't do the whole one-nightstand like a lot of the secretaries thought he did when he was younger. Bobby had pretty much given up in that department and kept to himself. His love _is _the job.

Alex remembered back to the day they had come back from the hospital. She had gathered up his gun and put it away. Yes, away from him. She was protecting him from himself. She knew he would never hurt her, but she wasn't sure what sort of self-torture he was capable of or if he would try_ it_ again. She shivered at the thought. She didn't think Bobby would attempt suicide again, especially while she was here with him, but after witnessing the things that have happened in this night alone, she wasn't going to speculate nor take any chances.

Alex sighed again as she tried to fall back asleep, but then her eyes widened as she thought about something else. She tried to shake the thoughts out of her head, but she couldn't. It had been about an hour since Bobby had finally fallen back asleep, so decided to wake him from his light slumber and confront him about it. She didn't feel too guilty about it since it had already been two hours since she had taken his temperature.

"Bobby." She whispered while rubbing his soft curls in his hair. "Wake up, Bobby."

_Stop touching him like that, Alex. Don't go down that road. _She kept chastising herself, but in the end…she had given in…in to the temptation. Her fingers continued to roam through his salt and pepper hair until he spoke.

"Ugh." He moaned after a few moments while still half asleep. He unconsciously wrapped his arm tighter around her waist as if he were a youngster grasping onto a favorite teddy bear. It was cute Alex had to admit.

"Come on, Bobby. Wake up. I need to take your temperature and then you can go back to sleep."

Bobby began to stir in bed. Blinking several times, he tilted his head up to meet her eyes.

_He looks so lost._

"Eames?"

"Yeah, Bobby, I'm here."

"I'm so tired."

"I know." She said as she ran a hand through his hair once more. "Just let me take your temperature and then you can go back to sleep."

Alex struggled to slip out from underneath the large man and expected him to grasp on to her like he did earlier. He didn't resist.

She made her way to the bathroom and gathered the thermometer and a glass of water for him. When she came back out, she froze. She figured he'd already be half asleep by the time she made her way back into the room, but it was the total opposite. Bobby was lying in bed, sprawled out on his back, eyes open, and looking at her.

He'd never taken his eyes off of her; he followed her every move since she had gotten up. At that very moment, he looked small…so scarcely small, like he was an infant sitting in the middle of a king size bed. His eyes seemed to be hazy as he continued to glance at her…like he was looking for answers that he knew would never be found.

Alex edged her way back to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Here, Bobby, open up. Afterwards, do you think you can drink some water? I don't want you to get dehydrated."

He nodded and began to sit up in bed. Once he was erect, he grabbed the thermometer from her hand and stuck it in his mouth.

_Good, at least he has the strength to sit up again._

Once the timer beeped, Bobby pulled it out, looked at it, and then threw it on the nightstand next to him.

"Bobby…what did it say?" She asked astonished.

"99.0." He muttered as he began to slide half way back down and partially under the covers. Alex made a move to get up and make her way around to his nightstand when he spoke up once more. "You don't trust me?" He whispered this time and started to play with the covers. His head rested lightly on the headboard.

She paused mid-step and thought about it. She was clearly caught off guard by the question.

"I trust you, Bobby, but you better not lie to me."

"E—Eames, I…I won't." His speech was now muffled by the covers that now shelter him from the harms of the world. "Not…not to you." He admitted and tilted his head down to face his lap. "It kills me that I…that you don't trust me. Y—you use to trust me…at least I thought you did." He said unsure of himself.

She was about to sit down on the bed and explain to him her reasoning when something he said caused her to pause before she had a chance.

"You should probably…you can go now if you...if you like. Thanks for…for taking care of me." He managed to get out as he slid the rest of the way under the covers; head against the pillow again.

"Bobby, look at me." Surprisingly, he met her eyes with his without any resistance. "Why do you want me to leave? You _know _I'm not going to. I'm not going to leave you…"

"I…I don't. It's just…there's nothing more you can do…." He trailed off. "You…you have your own life. I…I realize that. You shouldn't have to be stuck here…with…with me." It wasn't his best argument he'd come up with but there was nothing more to say. The truth was, he really _did_ want her here with him, but not like this. He felt pity, sorry for himself and he needed to wallow in it and he didn't want her around him when he does.

"Bobby, I'm not going to leave you—"

"Why?" He fired back quickly. "What, do you feel like you're personally responsible for me?"

"Yes." She stated. "Bobby…" She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "Bobby, I almost lost you." She whispered and swallowed hard. She was fighting back the tears now and he could tell. "I can't and won't let that happen again."

"And what if I don't want to live?" He shot back a little too easily.

Every muscle in her body tightened at his question.

"Bobby, please don't say that. Please. If you…" She exhaled. "If you continue, then I'll have no choice but to send you back to the hospital and let…"

"And what?" He interrupted.

"And let them deal with you." She finished. "I don't want that, Bobby, but I want what's best for you."

Bobby came out from underneath the covers and faced her. His soft brown eyes were mesmerized by hers and he studied her for a few moments until he finally spoke.

"Eames, do you trust me?"

She tilted her head to the side. "In which respect?"

"That's a no." He mumbled.

"Bobby, I trust you more than anyone else…it's just that, I can't trust you with yourself right now. I'm sorry, but I can't. I don't know what I'd do if I left you out of my sight and you…you decided to end your life. I'd never, never forgive myself!"

He nodded in understanding because he knew, if the roles were reversed, he'd feel the same way.

"It hurt me. It really hurt me when you…when you said that you didn't…that you don't trust me. It made me feel like I'd lost my last…my only true friend…"

"Bobby, you'll never lose me." She reassured him.

"You can't promise that…" He declared.

They both sat in silence for what seemed like hours. No one knew what else to say, but at the same time, both were afraid to say anything at all until Bobby looked back up to see Alex chewing on the bottom of her lip. He could tell she was deep in thought. He wondered what she was thinking about because she looked so far away, yet she was so close to him.

"E—Eames?"

"Yeah, Bobby?"

"What's on your mind?" He asked nervously.

Alex sighed heavily.

_How am I going to ask him?_ _This is what prompted me to wake him up in the first place; aside from having to take his temperature._

This wasn't a simple question that she was use to asking anyone, especially Goren. She knew when she'd ask him, that it would all feel like a horrible dream, but she needed to know…and she knew that she had to choose her words carefully.

_Very carefully, now._

"Bobby…um, where's your backup piece?"

He knew immediately what she was getting at and it didn't seem to upset him. He just shuffled in bed a bit and stared at his hands. Then he closed his eyes tightly because he felt as if he had been slapped in the face…again. He _finally _realized it…he'd finally got it that all Alex Eames had done for him was in _his_ best interest. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her, though. It was like his backup plan just in case. In case of what, he wasn't sure.

"Why?" He asked, clearly stalling. His eyes were still closed.

"You know why, Bobby. Please don't make me say it. I—I just worry about you and—"

"In my side drawer." He cut her off as he opened his eyes, shifting them in the direction of his nightstand. He couldn't stand the pain and fear that plagued her eyes. He couldn't do _that_ to her; play those mind games with her. Anyone else, sure, but not to her. Not Alex Eames.

She nodded her head and attempted a small smile, and then she reached over, opened the nightstand drawer and grabbed it. When she pulled it out, she noticed that the safety was still on and somehow, she found herself slightly relieved…until he spoke.

"I thought about it." He admitted suddenly. "I've thought about it since I've been home. I held it in my hand. I just…I couldn't help it. The…the cool metal in the palm of my hand felt reassuring in a way that I'll never be able to describe—" He stopped himself when he heard her sob and to this day, he never knew what possessed him to say it.

Alex's eyes started to tear up. "Bobby…no…" Was all she managed to get out.

"Eames…Alex, look at me." And this time it was her that complied. "Do you want to know why I didn't do it? Why I didn't attempt it again. Do you want to know why?"

She looked up at him and watched as he turned more towards her. "Yes, Bobby, why? Please…please tell me."

"Because of you." He confessed as he reached for her left hand. "Knowing that you were here with me…that you _are _here with me…I—I…" He swallowed trying to find his words.

"It's ok, Bobby, take your time."

"Eames, knowing that you're here with me…it was a relief. It is a relief. You don't know how much and I'll never be able to truly tell you how much it means. I don't feel alone…don't feel scared when I wake up alone, because I know you're here if I need you. You…you've help me see things clearly. It's because of you that I still _am_ alive." He paused and licked his lips. "If you would've left after we came home from the hospital…I _would _be dead right now. I guarantee it. Just the thought of me…of shooting myself while you're still here…" And then Bobby sobbed.

"Jesus, Bobby, why didn't you ever come to me?" She asked. This time it was Alex who reached for him and buried herself in his chest.

"I…I'm fucked up. I really am, Eames." He said as he wrapped his arms around her tiny frame. "My life is so warped that I don't know which direction I'm heading anymore. It's not your problem, though. You shouldn't have to baby-sit me. I didn't need…I don't want you to worry about it…I didn't, so I…" He stumbled on his words then and gave up trying to say anymore.

"Bobby, Jesus Christ, Bobby…please…" She grasped onto him even tighter. "Please don't attempt…Please don't leave me…"

**A/N: H****ope all is well with you and hope you all had a great 4****th**** of July! Or, if they'res any Canadians out there, a great 1****st**** of July (Smiles).**

**-Snyder-**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 18**

It was Alex's turn to break down. She had held it together as best as she could throughout this whole charade, but not any longer. Reality, once again, slammed into her. She couldn't lose him. Not Robert Goren…not _the _Robert "Bobby" Goren. She was too close to him in so many ways…and yet, so far away. She doesn't even think he really truly knows how close she is to him.

She had felt so much in the past several days; so many things had happened. She couldn't imagine being alive right now without him. She doesn't want to imagine it. If something ever happened to him, she feared that she would not be able to go on. She knows it and yet, those thoughts continue to cross her mind in the most horrid and vivid ways possible.

"Eames, please don't cry." Bobby uttered as he soothed her back. Both were still in each others arms and neither one of them seemed to want to pull away.

"Bobby…Bobby, promise me you won't try and hurt…" She swallowed hard. "Won't try and attempt suicide again. Please, Bobby, promise me. I can't deal with it…with this again…I won't be able to."

"I—I can't promise that." He regretfully confessed.

"Robert Owen Goren!" She yelled. "You promise me right now! Promise me that you won't ever take your life." She fired back and pulled away slightly to look into his watering eyes.

Bobby temporarily froze at the use of his full name. He couldn't recall her _ever _using his full name before. Bobby sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his large hand. He knew that as long as he had Alex in his life, things…life might work.

"I—I promise." He whispered and tilted his head down.

"And, Goren? I…I promise you that if you ever_ do _take you're life…" And this was when she paused and he lifted his head back up to look into her eyes. "I promise that I will take mine following suit." She said and she meant it, though it scared her to say it. To this day, she never knew what possessed her to say it.

Bobby immediately pulled away from her as if she was on fire, and the look in her eyes that he had received was something that terrified him. He'd never seen that look before and right then and there, he knew she was telling the truth. There was no need to question it.

He physically shivered and started to cry, though he refused to let the tears fall.

"Don't say that, Alex!" He spoke using her first name. "Don't you ever say anything like that! I'm not worth taking your life over."

She wiped the tears away from her face and sobbed.

"Well, then, I…I guess you will…you'll just have to keep your promise because, Bobby? I can't go through this again. I can't go through all that again. I can't be the grieving widow like before, with Joe, where everyone felt sorry for me. Only this time, it would be the grieving partner...a grieving partner whose best friend had committed suicide! I might get a few pats on the back and a 'sorry' here and there…and _those _looks that people give you after you've lost someone…but nothing would help." She paused and then looked at him, deep into his eyes. "Nothing _could_ help."

"Alex, I promise you that I will not take my life. I promise." He said as he pulled her closer to him.

"And Bobby?" Alex said as she relaxed against his embrace. "You _are_ worth it. You're everything to me…and nothing less."

Bobby froze momentarily. What was he going to say to that? What could he say to that? No one had _ever _said these things to him that Alex was saying…and they weren't even lovers.

"A…Alex? Are…Are you going to stay with me?"

Alex's face distorted with confusion, but then she understood the question; coming from a man that had been abandoned and alone all of his life, she understood _him_. She reached for Bobby's backup piece that she had set on the bed next to her and put it back in his drawer. Afterwards, she looked back up into his eyes and both of them equally understood; understood the trust and the meaning behind the gesture.

Turning her full attention back to Bobby, she spoke softly to him. "Bobby…I'm here, aren't I? I'm not leaving anytime soon." She said and then smiled at him, but she knew, by the way he started to fidget, that he had more to say.

"I mean…you aren't going to leave me, are you? I don't just mean here, tonight or tomorrow, but…all of…" And then he paused. He mentally cursed himself for the stutter that never seemed to want to go away. "You…you're not going to…to disappear out of my life in a year or…or something, are you?"

"Bobby…" Alex attempted in a sympathetic tone.

"Eam—Alex…" He whispered slightly embarrassed as he tried to find the right words. "I…I just don't want to be blind sided. Alex, I…I can't live without you." And then he whispered, "I need you."

"Bobby, you're afraid that after you get better and come back to work and get back to your old self, that I'll leave you?"

Alex waited for a response but it never came. She knew by his silence and the fact that he started shaking, that that's what he thought all along. It was one of his biggest fears.

"Bobby…" She said as she stroked the side of his left cheek. "I have no intention of leaving you tonight, tomorrow, or any other day." She said as she watched his head shoot up to look at her. His eyes were now shedding those salty tears that he so forcefully tried to hold back earlier. The look in his eyes was something that made her heart melt. "Face it, Goren, you're stuck with me." She finished and smiled at him.

And with those words, Bobby relaxed. She could physically feel his muscles unclenching, though his shaking didn't completely cease. He let out a deep breath that he wasn't even aware that he was holding though, because he realized something just then. He had Alex. He knew it now. Things would be better.

For several years now into their partnership, Bobby wanted to ask her that simple, yet at the same time, complex loaded question. He wanted to be prepared for the day that she _did_ leave him. In the beginning of the first few years of their partnership at Major Case, he found that there was no need to ask it. It was unspoken. After the first year in, he knew she wasn't about to pick up and leave…he knew it every since he was able to complete trust her 100 percent. Until, that is, when Alex read_ that_ letter up on the witness stand. He felt safe and reassured of their partnership, until that one day when everything seemed to crash down on top of him. Every since then, he'd had those words stuck in his head. All of them.

Was she going to leave him? But his thoughts would always come back to…_It's only a matter of time, Goren._

Alex started to yawn, pulling Bobby out of his musings, and that was when, without a second thought, Bobby pulled Alex completely onto his lap and held her so that she was right up against his solid frame. He held onto her so tight that he was afraid he'd crush her.

"Bobby, I'm not going anywhere." She murmured again his chest.

And with those words, Bobby loosened his grip somewhat and lied back down onto the bed. Alex was somewhat surprised by the movement, but then as she thought about it more later on, not so much. Bobby had lied back down in bed…and had taken her with him; so Alex was practically lying on top of him. It was the safest any of them had felt in years and they welcomed it with open arms.

It was silent for several minutes until Alex yawned and then a sigh of contentment passed her lips.

"Go to sleep, Alex." Bobby spoke up with such softness in his tone. "You're tired, so tired. Rest…it's your turn to sleep." He said as he pushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen in front of her face.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long again. I know it's not very long, but I'll have more up soon!**

**So, the past 2 weeks I've been editing the previous chapters, which is why it's taken me a bit longer to update. I re-did them once again to get rid of any errors and also added a few things (Smiles). Nothing major, so no worries there. I also took out the long authors notes and one of the lyrics. I'm thinking about deleting all of the lyrics though...**

**Anyways, hope all is well.**

**-Snyder-**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: Ok, so first off, I went back and changed some of chapter 17. Not too much…just: When Alex and Bobby were lying together in the same bed, I had Bobby get up and go to the bathroom once. The reasons? I had Bobby put a shirt on…which he hadn't had on since he went back to sleep after coming home from the hospital for the second time. So, I wrote in that when he came back from the bathroom, Alex frowned because he had put a shirt on. Not too long, so no big deal. I just wanted to let you know. That, and I wanted to explain about the mess that was in the bathroom. Originally, I had it that Alex cleaned it up in this chapter, but I changed it. Thanks and sorry for the long authors note.**

**CHAPTER: 19**

Bobby had been home from the hospital now for a little over a day, though, to Bobby, it felt like he'd been home for a lot longer with everything that had happened.

_The knife and alcohol incident, the nightmare, having to go back to the hospital for a second time, getting stitched back up, the fainting with the medication and the pain...both psychically and mentally. So much pain...and Alex had been there for me every step of the way._

He looked at the clock as he continued to hold Alex and had realized it was 3:30PM. He closed his eyes, recalling back to the _second_ time, not more than twelve hours ago, that Alex had to drive him back to the hospital.

_This ends now. No more shit...no more breaking Alex's heart._

As Bobby continued to think back to the past day, he realized that in all that had happened, Alex had gotten hardly any sleep. Even back when he was in the hospital, eight days ago, he knew she hadn't gotten much rest. He frowned because he knew that it was his doing.

_She was too busy caring for me._

She'd ran herself ragged trying to take care of him any way she could, and now, she deserved sometime. Sometime to rest and to be held. Both their schedules so off, but it didn't seem to bother Alex at the moment as she was on the verge of sleep. Bobby titled his head to look at her and then smiled as he continued to clench onto her. He held onto her as if she was his last lifeline, his last hope in life, but the truth was, Alex needed him just as much as he needed her.

"Sleep, Alex." He whispered so delicately. "Let go…" He soothed her, stroking her back as the darkness threatened to sweep him away as well. She sighed and unconsciously grasp onto him tighter. He welcomed the feeling and only hoped that she did too.

Bobby was overexerted with little to no strength left in him, but he would not allow it. He would not allow himself to fall asleep.

_Not until I'm sure that she's asleep_.

He honestly felt like her guardian and, now that he thought about it further while lying underneath her, who would be around to protect her if he was gone? He knew, of course, that she could protect herself, but he felt personally responsibly for her and it was more than a brother sister kind of feeling.

He promised himself, as well as Alex, right then and there that he would never attempt suicide again. He would not leave her. _Never._ And he intended to keep that promise. As long as she was with him, he realized that he would be ok. _I will be ok_. He was needed…needed by Alex.

_Fuck everyone else._

He could feel it and deeply exhaled in response. He sighed as he recalled back to when Jo Gage had taken her. _His _Alex. He shook in response, but it didn't faze Alex since she had already fallen asleep.

"My brave, strong Alex." He whispered and lifted his head to kiss the side of her cheek.

_God...watching her petite, run-down body lying on the hospital bed…even though I knew she was ok…it still hurt. It still does. Watching her sleep, I remember briefly pushing the hair out of her face. I wanted to touch her more, pull her against me and never let go…but I couldn't._

Tears silently fell from Bobby's face as he continued to hold onto her with his strong, reassuring arms. He'd never felt so worried, so lost in his life at that very moment. Even more so, he felt selfish. He wouldn't deny the fact that the thought of her gone, lead to him to having thoughts about having a new partner; one that didn't and perhaps would never understand him. Not like Alex does.

_I'm so sorry, Eames, so sorry that I could not protect you then. _And that was his last thought as sleep overcame him and, he too, drifted off to sleep.

**A/N 2: There's a few more things I need to clear up and I figured I'd do it in this authors note LOL. First off, hope you're still all reading…I'm making a few adjustments, so just hang in there. I cut this chapter really short, sorry. It was just a prefect place to stop. I'm not sure I like this chapter, but I'll update soon.**

**So…I've actually been keeping track (and I mean down to the hour) of what day they're on, what time it is and what happened. Amazing he's only been home for 8 days...and only about 10-12 hours since the second time. So…just to make it easier…I started this fic on Jan 1****st**** (yeah, I skipped Christmas, New Years, etc). Just to keep some things clear, it is now Jan 10****th**** in the story. I like order (Shrugs Shoulders).**

**-Snyder-**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 20**

Alex woke up not even an hour later after Bobby had fallen asleep. At first, she was a bit startled by the feeling of partially lying on top of something…on top of someone, but then she inhaled deeply and a small smile immediately appeared on her face. She _knew_ _that_ smell. She slowly tilted her head up to see Bobby, deep asleep; his left arm slung lightly around her waist, almost protective like. Alex couldn't help but grin. It was cute. Bobby looked so beautiful at that very moment, that Alex felt her heart soar.

She was still partially on top of him and partially on the bed when she reached up with her left hand and softly ran her hand through his soft curls next to his temple. After a few moments, she began to get up. She didn't want to leave him, leave the position she was in, but she needed to use the bathroom.

After standing up and slowly stretching, she looked at him one more time and then bent down and whispered, "My Bobby…My strong, sweet, Bobby" into his ear before turning and making her way into the bathroom.

Immediately after walking through the doorway of the bathroom, she noticed the bathroom floor and froze mid-step. It was clean enough to eat off of. Her eyes then made their way to the sink where she assumed the knife and bottle of Glenlivit would still be. She was wrong. The bottle was thrown away in the trash and the knife, now clean, was sitting on the counter.

_Dammit. So that's why he took so long in the bathroom. He was cleaning up. Shit._

Before this, she was too busy trying to take care of Bobby to worry about it…but as she headed to the bathroom, knowing that Bobby was sound asleep, she was going to quickly make an attempt to clean it up. She frowned and tightly closed her eyes as the horrible images flashed before her of when Bobby was lying on the cold, wet floor of his bathroom, coated in blood and alcohol.

_How could I have waited this long?_ She mused and shook her head. _The poor man…how many times does he have to clean up his own blood?_

After relieving herself, she walked back out to where Bobby still lied asleep in bed. She paused for a few moments to look at him and then softly sat back down on the bed and turned to scan, to search Bobby's figure...his features once more.

_Will I ever get to see him like this again?_ She contemplated and then it brought an empty feeling to the pit of her stomach. _Will he push me away after this? Will it feel awkward? _And then her heart sank. _I could stay like this forever…sitting on his bed, watching him sleep…and keeping him safe._

Bobby was still on his back with his left arm sprawled out to where Alex was lying, and his right hand lying gently across his stomach. He looked so peaceful for a man that had been haunted by so many things. She was surprised that he had not woken up from a nightmare already, but as she thought about it more, she wondered if she had something to do with it; perhaps just lying next to him. She knew he felt safe when she was with him and she couldn't help but hope that she had something to do with his peaceful slumber.

Shaking her head to clear all of the theories out of her head, Alex crawled back into bed and under the covers with him once more. She gently lifted Bobby's left arm and curled up next to him; snuggling as close to his side as she possibly could. She let his arm dangle around her once more like before, but this time, she wasn't all the way on top of him. Alex rested her head on his chest and immediately after, looked up into Bobby's tiresome features on his face. She swore she saw a small smile cross his face. He looked so tranquil. She heard him sigh and could swear she felt him aching for physical contact. She thought she felt him hold her tighter, but she shrugged it off and assumed it was just her.

It felt right though. Nothing at this very moment felt wrong to Alex. She wanted to be with him, like this every night for the rest of her life. It scared her to think about it, and now, she no longer thought about the consequences of their actions.

_Oh god, I do love him. I love him so much…but…no, he doesn't…does he? Does he love me back?_

In response to her thoughts, she lifted her left arm and carefully placed it over his stomach; though careful of his wound. She was surprised he was able to let her lay on him for so long as it was with his stitches, but it didn't seem to bother him.

She sighed and whispered, "I love you, Bobby" and then closed her eyes tightly at the revelation. She was afraid of him hearing her. It was the first time she had ever uttered it out loud before; she never dared to say it out loud even if she were alone in her apartment. She'd never admitted it to herself verbally until now and she was petrified…but then, not so much. She feared he would hear her, but then after a few moments, she wished he would have.

After she got her emotions under control, she opened her eyes back up and looked at him. She marveled at the way he looked. He appeared so innocent when he slept. She longed to be in this position, with him, either one of them holding the other. It didn't matter to her as long as she was with Bobby, her body firmly against his...their bodies molded together.

Alex missed feeling him under the tips of her fingers. She recalled those few times, when they were holding each other, that she was able to wrap her arms around him. He had no shirt on then and it felt amazing in a way that she could never describe. She hated the way she was looking too far into the encounters, into those few moments with him in her arms, but she couldn't help it. She silently wished he had never put a shirt back on. She couldn't understand why he was embarrassed.

_Yes, he had aged, but who doesn't_?_ Hell, I have myself. Besides, I find the grey that covers most of his hair nowadays, sexy as hell. I'm glad he hasn't resorted to dying it._ She mused as she glanced up at his soft curls._ Yes, he's put weight on, but I don't care about that. He's still very attractive in my eyes and always will be. It's not just about looks with Bobby…though he definitely isn't bad on the eyes._

She longed for Bobby and, to this day, she doesn't know what made her do it, but her left hand that lied softly on his stomach, started making small circles on his right side. It was innocent at first, but then it slipped down lower until it stopped at the bottom of his T-Shirt. She hesitated for only a split second before she slipped her tiny hand underneath his shirt, exploring and feeling the reasurring, comfortable heat that radiated off his skin.

She had felt her hands on his bare skin before, on his back when he didn't have a shirt on. When she had to wrap her arm around him to guide him out of the bathroom…but this was different. This was an affectionate, tenderness touch that was made for only him.

_Oh god. _

During this time, there were no, 'stop it, Alex, before you ruin things,' or 'he doesn't want this…doesn't need this.' Nothing. She evened surprised herself at how confident she was. She'd come so close to loosing him too many times…there was no way she could deny it any longer. She loved him, she knew it for sure, and she wasn't going to let anything happen to him ever again.

Her soft hand made its way up passed his belly button and his shirt started to rise up somewhat as she continued to head north. She could feel his chest hair and began to unconsciously play with it and deeply relax into him until a hand caught her forearm and halted her in place.

_Oh shit._

**A/N: Wow. Ok, so what I was originally going to write…well, lets just say this stories taking a total 360 degree turn from where I was going to go. LOL. Hope you guys like it so far (Smiles).**

**-Snyder-**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 21**

_Oh shit._ She mused. And then quickly, she prayed.

Alex tiled her head up towards Bobby just in time to catch his eyes open. He was looking down at her in confusion. She'd figured as much. She was confused herself. She could feel his body trembling right up against her own.

He blinked once and then, "Eam…Alex?" He looked at her, shocked, but curious. "Wh…What are you doing?" He asked. He was scared to death, but wasn't sure why. He couldn't recall the last time he'd ever felt so safe and so…loved?

_Oh god, no. Bobby you did not just think of the "L" word, did you? Alex…could she possibly love me? I always hoped but…_

"I...I'm so sorry, Bobby. I shouldn't have…" She began, but he did something that shocked the hell out of her and made her halt all of the apologies and excuses she was quickly trying to come up with.

He closed his eyes lightly as a small smile appeared on his face. It wasn't just any smile…it was one of those old, Bobby Goren smiles that he used to produce back in the day; in the early years of their partnership.

It was made for her and somehow she thought he knew that it made her heart skip a beat.

It was pure contentment.

"It's ok, Alex." He opened his eyes and whispered. "Please don't…don't apologize." He closed his eyes tight this time and spoke with such delicacy. "It felt…I welcome the feeling."

And then she smiled back at him, though he never caught it, and let out a breath she _knew _she was holding.

They stayed like that for a few moments until Alex placed her head back on Bobby's chest at a different angle. She aligned herself in a way to where she could still look up and meet his eyes easily.

Alex wasn't sure if Bobby was fearful, tense or not, and didn't want to push her luck. So, after a few moments of enjoying the sound of his heart steadily beating in his chest, she softly began to retract her hand from underneath his shirt, but Bobby quickly but smoothly caught it with his big paw once again and softly brought it back up to his chest. After he knew she wasn't going to move her hand, he loosened his grip on her arm and placed his own hand, palm completely open, over her delicate one.

Only the thin fabric of his shirt separated their hands.

_Just tell him._

_Just tell her._

**A/N: More to come soon, I promise!**

**Snyder**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 22**

Bobby and Alex continued to look into each others eyes until Alex couldn't take it any longer. She propped herself up on her elbow and gazed deep into his eyes, which were the door to his soul. Everything he ever felt was shown in those brown pools of his and throughout the years of their partnership, she has seen so much through them, and in them. She never took her eyes off of him as she started to mumble. It was more of a musing, more to herself than to him…until she realized she _had _said it out loud…

"I swore to myself that I'd _never_ be with another cop again." She paused; amazed that she had spoken those words out loud. Alex took a deep breath and then decided to continue, taking it a bit further. "I swore to myself that I'd _never_ _fall in love _with another cop."

Bobby looked at Alex, really looked at her with her last statement she had rendered, and Alex could swear she saw his eyes glisten with tears. He glimpsed at her in confusion and something else she wasn't quite sure of. His face scrunched slightly, head titled to the left, as he continued to look into her eyes for any sign of joking or regret on Alex's part.

He never saw it.

And then, the next thing he knew, Alex was leaning in closer towards him as she slowly reached out with her right hand to softly stroke his cheek. Bobby didn't panic. He couldn't panic, nor could he do anything but watch her as she continued to inch closer and closer to him. By this point, he thought he was dreaming. One of _those _rare dreams he sometimes had. Only Alex and him…until he woke up, in which those times, he was _always _alone. He watched her and closed his eyes when he felt her lips softly brush his own.

_Oh my god, oh my god, Oh. My. God! _

And then their lips where touching each others, full on, but softly. Almost as if testing the waters. That's when Bobby sighed deeply and relished in the warmth of her soft, luscious lips on his own. He lifted his left hand and placed it softly on her right cheek.

The kiss didn't last too long, and when Alex broke the kiss and pulled back, she looked to him for some kind of an answer. He just started at her in confusion yet again before he could gather his thoughts.

_Say something, you idiot!_

"A…Alex? Wha…what? I mean…why?" He was so confused and his voice was terribly faulting him. "I've caused you…after all that has happened…pain, unhappiness…nothing but suffering these past…hell these past few years…I've treated you so horrible" His words were horribly jumbled, but she knew what he was trying to say. She knew Bobby all too well.

Alex, who was now in a sitting position, reached for his face and delicately trapped his face in the warmth of both her tiny hands.

"Why did I kiss you?" She asked, surprised that her voice was so steady. She was more positive and confident than she could ever remember her being.

Goren nodded, swallowed hard and tried to speak, but Alex removed her left hand and put two fingers to his lips before he could say anything.

"I love you, Robert Goren." That was when his eyes grew wide and this was when she became afraid. She was afraid he'd bolt from the room as quick as possible, but somehow, she held it together. "I've loved you for so long…I honestly can't say when my feelings began. It was…so gradual at first." She smiled softly, but then it quickly faded. "After…after you went to...into Tates, I was so worried. I prayed that you'd be ok. I prayed that I would be able to tell you how I felt, once and for all…and I promised myself that if…when I saw you again, that I'd tell you how I felt. But…" She hung her head down now. "After I knew that you'd be ok…I just…I couldn't. I pushed it aside. And then…after you tried to…" And she paused and dared a glance back up at him. Not once had he taken his eyes off her. "After I found you in your apartment…I…I didn't know whether you would…would live or not. And it scared me…you have no idea how much. My life was crumbling apart, spiraling out of control…and I hated myself the whole time as I watched you in the hospital, lying there hooked up to a ventilator. I kept remembering how I never got to tell you that I loved you…" And this was when Bobby started to get antsy. He wanted to tell her not to worry about him, not to hate herself and that he was sorry, so sorry for everything, but she spoke up. "Please, Bobby, let me finish. I need to get this out." She removed her two fingers from his lips and he slowly nodded. "After…after I found out that you would be ok…I…I _knew_ I had to tell you. It was time. Somehow, I had to find the courage to let you know how much you mean to me. I should've told you a long time ago, Bobby, but I…I just couldn't. After all that has…has happened…hell, this past day…" And then she stopped as she felt Bobby's large Paws take hold of her own small hands. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I…I'm so sorry for all of this." He spoke so softly that she barely heard him. "You should _never _have had to deal with this…with me. You deserve so much more of me. I…I didn't mean to…to cause you anymore stress or to…or for you to worry about me more than I _know _you already do. It was to…to take away peoples…to take away my pain." She began to speak but that's when he raised a hand to cover her lips. "I know _now _that it was the wrong thing to…to try and I _promise _you, with all my heart, that I will never try it again. I…I could never leave you, Alex. I'm so sorry that I tried. I'm just so fucked up. I was fucked up before but…but Tates screwed with my head so much that…I'm lost…and it hurts. I question my sanity now more than ever…more than a person should and…I just…that I just wanted to end it _all _because of…after Tates. I…I still don't know what's true and fiction anymore. I'm just so alone…and then you came…you came to the…came to save me. You _did _save me. I know it sounds…stupid, but I…I love you for it." He said and reached for both of her hands while he looked deep into her eyes. He held onto them tight. "I love _you_, Alex. I've love you for so long, but I would not allow myself to act on it. You can do better. You _deserve _better. I'm so messed up right now that I don't know what is going to happen to me. It's one of the reasons I never told you…and…I didn't think..."

"You didn't think I felt the same way…" She softly finished for him.

She read his mind. Only Alex knew him so well.

"Y—Yes." He said.

"Do you know how many times I asked myself…or told myself the same thing?" She whispered.

"Why…I mean…you're beautiful, an amazing woman. You could...you can have anyone you want. I'm marred, old, fucked up and crazy to name a few things—"

"There's only one man I want." She interrupted him. "There's only one man I could ever see myself with anymore, and he's lying right here next to me." She lovingly touched him. "You're not fucked up, Bobby. Do you need help? Yes. But you're not fucked up and definitely not crazy by any means. You're insanely intelligent to the point of being infuriating at times." She smiled at him. "And Bobby…we're both old." And that was when Bobby smiled back.

And for a moment, Bobby could not speak. He opened his mouth, but immediately closed it. He repeated this a few times until he finally managed to gather the right words.

"I…you realized that I…I'm so…I'm a mess. My thoughts are so jumbled that I can't think straight anymore… and I can't stop thinking which makes it even worse. My whole life is a wreck…in shambles right now…"

"And I love you for it." She finished for him. "I miss you, Bobby, and I want you back. All of you. The cheerful, spunky, nerdy, enthusiastic, insanely clever Bobby that can never hold still long enough to save his life, that I used to know. I want _all_ of you…the good and the bad."

He sighed and then gave in. "God help me, but I _need _you, Alex. I do. I don't know what I'd do without you…I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Bobby confessed and sat up to grasp onto her frame. "During some of the worst nights, I wanted to call you so badly, but I resisted the urge…I had to." He whispered as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. "I didn't need to bring you down with me…it wouldn't have been right of me…"

"Bobby…I need _you _just as much." She confessed and wrapped her arms around him. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I needed you some nights so badly that I wanted to call you?"

He pulled back from her in shock. "Why…Why didn't you, Eames? You know I would've talked to you…came over if you needed me."

"Because I…I knew you were dealing with a lot of things at the time…and I didn't need to trouble you or to worry you with one more thing…"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I could not be there for you." He regretfully admitted and set his head back on her shoulder.

"Bobby, stop apologizing...and you still can be, Bobby." She soothed him.

"I don't know how many times I've pushed you away and you…you've stayed every time." He shook. "Why?"

"Because I love you."

"I love you too, Eam—Alex." And Alex shivered at the way _those_ words slipped off his tongue so delicately. "God help me, but I do."

And then he started to softly cry.

_I'm not alone._

**A/N: ****Do you guys like where this is going? Hope so. I might come back to this chapter and work on it a bit more later...not sure about it, but here it is as of now LOL. Also, I went back and deleted a few of the songs in this story as well as the authors notes. Found some more errors in the chapters I re-read, etc. Thanks!**

**-Snyder-**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 23**

Alex could tell, as she held onto Bobby, that he was trying his best to hold back the tears. Bobby was so relaxed against her small frame, and yet, so tense at the same time. His insecurities, his doubts were being shown to Alex, plain as day, and she had every intention of banishing all those feelings that he held inside of him.

_He always holds back. Always keeps his feelings inside. Well, not anymore._

"Bobby, you've got so much on your shoulders…just let it all out." She whispered in his ear. "You're not alone anymore, I'm here with you. Everything's going to be ok now. One way or another, I promise. It's ok to cry on my shoulder."

And he did. He clenched onto her ever tighter, shook against her, and then cried freely; his tears soaking through her shirt. He felt relieved.

Bobby had so many emotions running through him…but mainly…he felt he was loved, and it was that revelation alone, that made him cry. He knew it. Someone loved him. He was finally experiencing the meaning of the word 'love.' He never thought he was good enough for anyone, especially Alex, but she convinced him. She loved him, she admired him…and he loved her back. He'd never questioned his love for her.

After about ten minutes of just holding each other, comforting each other, Bobby softly released his grip from Alex.

"I want you to need me, Bobby. I want you to come to _me _when something's wrong. I'm here for you, you know?" She spoke into his hair. "That's what it means to love someone. No more running away from me, ok?"

"I'll _always _need you, Eames." He sighed as she rubbed his back. "I'll try, Eames. I can't promise anything. I'm so used to…to being alone that I don't know any different. I hoped that one day someone could…"

After waiting a few moments for him to finish, Alex questioned him. "Hoped someone could what, Bobby?"

"I…I always hoped that someone could love me, could truly care for me." He whispered. "But I gave up a long time ago." He willingly admitted and nuzzled his face into her neck.

Alex only held onto him tighter. "I know, Bobby. But I love you and I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere."

Bobby quickly became tired and started to lie back…once again taking Alex with him.

"Go to sleep, Bobby, you're tired."

"Only if you stay with me…" He murmured like a little kid as his arms continued to hold onto her as if he were afraid that the minute he fell asleep, she'd be gone.

Alex sensed it. She knew Bobby all too well. "I'm not going anywhere, Bobby. You can't get rid of me that easily." She smiled and then settled comfortably against his sturdy frame; her head on his chest.

"Love you, Eames." And Alex couldn't help but chuckle at the use of her last name.

"I love you too, Bobby. Now rest." She soothed.

And he did. The last thing Alex heard was Bobby incoherently mumbling, "I'd never want to get rid of you, Alex."

**A/N: ****WOW!! I can't get my mind off of the season finale, "Frame." It's distracting me from writing this fic (sad look). I have so many ideas for it that I feel a need to rush this fic, but I don't want to. And you know me, I don't like to work on two lengthy fics at one time. So...I won't mention any spoilers for those who haven't seen it yet…but OMG! For the people that have seen it, what did you think? All I can say is, wow! Within minutes, I felt my eyes watering. So many questions finally answered!**

**-Snyder-**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 24**

Alex woke up surprisingly rested. For a moment, a brief moment, she had forgotten where she was…that is, until the past; the recollection of both good and bad had come back suddenly. She smiled and then rolled over on her right side expecting to find a sleeping Bobby. What she found was an empty bed. She reached an arm out to feel _his _side of the bed, only to find that it was no longer warm. Alex sat up in bed and looked around but did not see him. She quickly noted that it was 6:56AM and was surprised that she had slept that long.

_Almost 9 hours!_

Then she remembered.

_Where the hell is he?_

She listened. Utter silence was the only thing that hovered in the air.

"Bobby?" Alex desperately called out. It was frightening how quiet his apartment was. She felt as if her voice had echoed throughout his apartment for seconds on end.

_It's nearly 7:00AM. Where the hell is he? Son-of-a-bitch, he better not have left…or…_ And then she halted her musings. She was afraid of them, she realized that, but that didn't stop her from going into a total panic mode.

Alex quickly rose out of bed and checked in the bathroom. No Bobby. She then went into the living room and then the kitchen to find, once again, no Bobby. She frantically thought about where he could be when she noticed that the door was unlocked.

"Why would he go outside? Where would he go?" She quickly questioned herself out loud as she threw on one of Bobby's coats that were hanging up on a coat rack next to the door. She bolted for the door; noticing his car keys and cell phone were still on the counter.

_Damn him!_

Practically slamming the apartment door shut, Alex opted for the stairs; knowing that she could get to the main floor more quickly.

So many things began to flash through her mind at that very instant. _What happened to everything we talked about last night? _She looked down to notice that she was now taking two steps at a time. She didn't know what he would do, but he was in her care...and he slipped away from her.

_While I was sleeping! _She screamed inside.

Once she made it to the main floor, she started to run outside when she spotted the landlord. Her legs stopped her short of the door.

"Hello." He spoke softly, noticing that the blonde was looking at him. "You're Bobby's partner, right?"

"Hi…Um, yes. Have you seen Bobby this morning?" She almost pleaded with the man, not even taking the time to introduce herself.

_Please, god, please say yes._

"Why yes, he just walked outside about thirty minutes ago. I believe he went to have a cigarette and get some fresh air. That boy's one of the few tenants who actually uses the designated smoking area." He smiled.

Alex quickly thanked him and then pushed her way outside and turned toward the smoking area. The landlord's story was confirmed as relief overwhelmed her veins as she spotted him sitting on a bench, alone, smoking a cigarette.

She stared at him briefly; taking in his still tired form. She could tell by the way his shoulders sagged. He looked like he had aged years in the prior week alone. The horrid events were finally catching up with him; and not just the ones in these foregoing weeks. He was also in desperate need of a good shave, but at least he was alive and well; for the most part anyways. She could tell he had lost about 10 pounds or more from lack of eating ever since he had gotten out of Tates. He looked unhealthy but a whole hell of a lot better than when he was in the hospital.

_At least he can get around on his own now._

"Bobby?" She said as she cautiously approached him.

Bobby's head was tilted down, looking at the obscure patters in the concrete. When he heard the sound of her voice, his head shot up immediately and turned in her direction. He blinked and then, "Eames?" He looked surprised. "W—what are you doing here?" He asked as he stood up from the bench almost immediately.

_What a gentleman. _She thought. She immediately noticed his swaying form briefly and felt like running over to him. Almost.

"Looking for you…you scared the hell out of me, Bobby!" She practically screamed and then, "Sit back down." Right then and there, she had the urge to hit him...and then hold onto him for dear life.

"I…I'm sorry." He said in confusion as he reluctantly sat back on the top of the wooden table. "I was going to leave you a…a note but I didn't think…I didn't plan on being gone for very long. I left you asleep…I…I didn't want to wake you. You were exhausted and…and you looked so peaceful." He cautiously tried to explain. The last thing he wanted was to piss _her_ off.

"It's ok, Bobby." She deeply sighed. "It's just…it's ok." She said as she took a seat next to him.

She studied him…taking a drag, inhaling most of the smoke and then blowing it back out of his mouth. She knew he shouldn't be smoking. She recalled the doctor's specific instructions but…_what would one cigarette harm? If it calms him down..._

"Bobby, are you a full-time smoker, because I've only seen you smoke…" She paused. "Well, I can count the number of times on one hand." She asked out of the blue.

He looked at her for a few moments and then smiled.

He shrugged. "Um…yes? I guess so." Pause. "Well…no." He struggled. "It depends on how you define, 'full-time.'" He managed.

"But…but you don't smell like cigarette smoke."

"Thanks…I think. I only smoke one a day…if that. It depends on…"

"What's going on in your life?" She finished for him. He nodded.

"I mainly smoke when I'm at home; I'm not a one or two pack-a-day smoker like some people. It just…it relaxes me. It's a bad habit, I know…but, I don't care." He said as he brought the cigarette back up to his mouth to take another drag.

"Well you should care." She sternly told him. He just looked at her and took another puff.

Alex was intrigued by this. She had to admit that he looked sexy as hell when he smoked. _I'm about ready to lunge at him right here. _She then immediately questioned her thoughts. She blinked._ Jesus, Alex, settle down. Baby steps._ She told herself.

Then she did something that surprised the both of them. She reached out and snagged the cigarette from Bobby's left hand.

"Alex, what are you doing?" He asked right as she stuck the cigarette into her mouth to take a drag. She didn't answer him right away. Instead, Alex let the smoke linger for a bit and then handed the cigarette back to Bobby.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She finally answered him and then, "Eww, that taste like shit, Bobby!" She shrieked and then coughed a few times. "When the girls and I go out, they always bring their cigarettes out after a few drinks...I've always wanted to try it, but never did." She swallowed a few times. "And now I know why."

He chuckled briefly and then looked into her eyes. "That's not…you…you shouldn't do that. It's not good for you." He chastised, taking one more puff and then putting it out with his thumb and pointer finger.

She just looked from his fingers to his eyes. He read her like a book.

"No, it doesn't hurt. I wouldn't do it if it hurt, Eames. I just, I don't know, I've done it that way for a while. I...I started soon after I went into the Army..." He shrugged his shoulders and started to get up.

She nodded and accepted his explanation.

"How do you feel?" Alex asked, repeating the same action.

"Better. Still a little sore…and tired, but that's to be expected."

"Well that's good but you know you shouldn't be smoking. The doctor said no smoking for a few weeks while your lung heals." She sternly told him.

"Yes ma'am." He joked.

She rolled her eyes and started to walk back to the building when two large arms wrapped around her waist and halted her in place.

"Bobby?" She asked as she turned around in his arms to face him. She had to admit that they felt large and reassuring. As if nothing could possibly harm them at that moment.

"Um, I—I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to..." He cowered down to her, head towards the ground.

"No!" She practically yelled. She felt him shutting down. "It's ok, it just surprised me." She reached for his forearms and held onto them. "It just…I'm not used to it yet…"

"I…it just…it felt so goddamn comforting…you in my…my arms last night." He admitted, putting his heart on his sleeve. "It's just…it's been so long…and I just…I don't know what…how I…"

Without another word, she pulled him into a tight embrace; it was mainly to reassure him that she loved him and that the contact was ok.

When he released her from his embrace, his hands slipping back down to his sides, she stood straight up once more and looked him in the eyes.

"Come on, Bobby, let's go back inside. It's freezing out here."

He nodded in agreement and headed towards the door. With _his_ Alex by his side, Bobby snaked one arm around her waist to emphasis his thought.

**A/N: Hope all is well.**

**-Snyder-**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 25**

Bobby walked back into his apartment; Alex trailing on his heals to make sure he didn't collapse behind her. Truth was she was still cautious _for_ Bobby. Not so much his mental state, though it was still in the back of her mind, but more about his health. She knew he was getting better, but she still worried. She couldn't help it. This was Bobby for Christ sakes. She felt territorial over him and felt that he was _her_ responsibility. He had no one else. It had been like that for quite sometime, but now, after all of this, it was like the final blow.

They had both overcome all the struggles for the most part though, and for that, she was grateful. They _finally, _after so many years, had admitted their feelings for each other and that in itself was substantial. Alex couldn't help but feel that they had accomplished something huge in itself right there. She could sense, almost feel his walls slowly start to crumble…brick by brick.

Once Bobby was fully inside his apartment, he took off his coat and hung it back on the coat rack, but not before tossing his cigarettes and lighter on the counter. Turning around, Bobby caught Alex just in time to see her taking off _his_ coat and hanging it up next to his other one on the wooden coat rack. It caught him off guard.

_How did I not notice her wearing my coat before? _He blinked and stared in disbelief. _I must be out of it._

"Eames, did you just take my coat off?" The words easily slipped off his tongue to verbalize his thoughts. Bobby was grinning now, but there was confusion in his tone.

"Well, yeah. I was worried about you…and it was right…It was hanging up and I wasn't really going to take the time to...it was the first one I grabbed…" She tried to explain, though not very well. He grasped at what she was trying to say though and nodded.

"It's ok, Eames." Bobby continued to smirk. "I'm just surprised it didn't fall off of you." He chuckled. "We're not exactly the same size."

"Very funny, Goren!" Though she couldn't help but smile back at him.

Bobby looked so relaxed…more relaxed than she'd seen him in a long time. His pearly white teeth were shinning in the dim light of his apartment which only illuminated the graying hairs on his head and on his growing stubble even more.

She unconsciously licked her lips. _Oh how I've dreamt of running my tongue along the front of his perfect teeth._

"I'm surprised you didn't notice before, Detective." She said, her voice a bit hesitant as her thoughts were somewhere else.

Bobby began to rub the back of his neck nervously. "I…I've just been a little…off lately." He sadly put it.

"I know, Bobby." She understood and put a hand on his shoulder.

Bobby looked up towards her and was about to say something but stopped. He noticed her watching him. He caught her glimpsing at him, taking him in longer than she usually did unless something was on her mind.

Bobby titled his head to the left to examine _her _in return.

_It's amazing, just amazing what's changed in so little time._

"What?" He finally asked.

"Nothing…just…nothing." She blushed and then turned and headed towards the kitchen.

Bobby knew it was something, but decided to let it go for now. He started to head for the couch, reaching for the TV remote in the process, when he jumped a mile high at the sound of Alex's panicked voice screeching from across the room.

"Oh my god, Bobby!" He quickly turned towards her with a questioning, though alarmed look on his face. "How long has it been since you've taken your medicine?! Or since I've taken your temperature?!" She started to panic.

He let out a deep breath. _That's what she's freaking out about? Typical Eames. _He laughed inside.

"Relax, Eames." He took a deep breath, slowing down his heart rate in the process. "I took my medicine when I woke up…well, almost all of it. I…I don't like the Xanax or the Ambien and pain medication. Besides, it's what, like 8:00 in the morning now? I've been asleep…resting a lot lately…too long. I feel…I'm not warm, so there's no need to take my temperature. Besides, it's...I think it's been 24 hours." He reassured her. "I think I'm ok now."

"Are you…" And then she stopped short of the word 'sure.' _He can take care of himself, Alex. You've got to trust him._ "Ok, Bobby. I believe you."

He tilted his head to the right side this time to examine her once more.

"Gee, thanks, Eames." He rolled his eyes and averted them back to the TV remote he was holding. He gently sat down on the couch, careful of his still tender body, when he felt her staring at him. Alex could stare daggers into someone if she wanted to. Bobby sighed, not even attempting to turn on the TV and looked back at her. She was looking at him curiously, so he patted the spot next to him lightly on the couch. "Relax, Eames."

And she did. Alex relaxed for a few measly seconds and then frowned once more. Shuffling her feet towards him, she softly sat down and looked at him.

"How long have you been up, Bobby?"

"Hmm?" He asked. Clearly, he was caught up in his own thoughts.

"How long did you sleep for…I mean…when did you wake up?"

"Oh, um…I've been up for a little bit." He revealed and then started to fidget. Alex knew there was more by Bobby's actions. She knew this man all too well when it came to his fidgeting.

"Bobby?" She questioned further.

"Since about 3:00AM." He whispered and then, "I just…I've had…I have some troubles sleeping sometimes…with…I have nightmares…" He bluntly told her.

"Sometimes?" She pushed.

"Every night usually." He whispered so quietly that Alex had to lean in to hear him.

"Oh, Bobby, why didn't you wake me? Why haven't you told me before?"

Bobby immediately shook his head.

"No. You needed your sleep. It's fine, really. I'm used to them." He paused and turned to look at her. "I just…I assumed that you…that you knew I had them. I shouldn't have been so presumptuous. I…I'm sorry." He murmured and looked away.

"You shouldn't have to deal with them alone." She explained and then, "I knew, Bobby. At least, I figured that you did…but I didn't know for sure because you never told me, which I'm not surprised by. And I could only guess what they were about, but, Bobby, that doesn't mean, by any means, that you need to apologize. If anyone was being presumptuous, it was me."

"Its ok, Eames, really." He ignored her apology. "They're not as…not as bad as before…before you stayed with me." He licked his lips. "Before you…you came, I'd wake up with…in a cold sweat…coating my entire body and… in tears." He choked out. "But…I think they're getting better now. I hope they are…but it just depends on the night. It's just…I'm still having problems coping with…with Tates and a few other things. I'm dealing with it though…I promise."

"Would you like to talk to me about them?"

"I…" And then he stopped to glance back up into Alex Eames' eyes once more. "This one, the one last night…was different. Not my usual Tates nightmare." He paused and then whispered, "It was…it was mainly…it was about you."

"Me?" Alex didn't try to hide her surprise.

"Last time…last time I saw Frank, after I got out of Tates, I went to see him and he…" Bobby bit his lip, deciding whether or not to tell Alex what Frank had _actually _said.

_Just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system. _Bobby started to shake. Frank seemed to be right…at some point…but not in that way. Bobby cared for Alex and would never take her to a motel room for a one-nighter and then just leave her.

"Bobby?" Alex softly said and scooted closer to him. Putting a hand on his knee, she softly rubbed back and forth, encouraging him to open up to her. She was literally on the edge of her seat.

"Last time I…I saw my brother, Frank, he…I…" He sighed. "You remember…when I told you that I…I'd wait for the splash…if he…he jumped from a bridge?" She mutely nodded, recalling hers and Bobby's conversation from before. "A few…a little bit before that, when we were arguing, he…he told me I should just take my partner…Eames, you…to a…" And he paused as his body let out a quick, uncontrollable jolt. It was a quick quiver of sadness which only made Alex wrap an arm around his shoulders.

"What, Bobby?"

Bobby closed his eyes. He didn't want to look at Alex when he told her this, for she might get the wrong idea…the wrong idea about him, but he _had _to get this out.

"He told me I should…I should just take you to a motel and…and get it out of my system." He whispered and bowed his head down.

"Oh, Bobby." She wrapped the other arm around him just then. "And what? You thought I'd judge you based on what your brother says or said about us?"

"But that's just it, Alex, there is…or was no us…back…back then." Bobby whispered the last part. He _still _wasn't sure if there was actually a '_them' _yet or not, and it made him embarrassed to bring it up, but he knew that_ that_ conversation was for later. "And yet, somehow he knew…" Bobby continued. "Somehow he knew that I wanted you…that, that you meant _that_ much to me to where he knew it would hurt me if he said that about you. Frank knew that it would set me off. I've wanted you for so long but…" He stopped there. She knew the whole story. "And if he could tell…then who's to say that others can't? That…isn't…that's not a good thing, Eames. Not for you, your career, reputation…" He sympathized. "And…and when he, Frank said that, it made me so angry because he said it about _you,_ that I went towards him and…I was shouting. I was angry, so angry, Eames. He, my brother was actually scared of me. There was so much fear in that room that you could smell it through the walls. And then…after he said that Donny was just using me to get money, I…I threw him on the couch. I was so…so upset, angry, so furious at…with him for how he referred to you. I…I'm sorry. I just can't get it out of my head and I…I just feel guilty now…I just…"

"Easy, Bobby. It's ok. That's your brother, not you. I know…" And then she paused. Slowly she unwrapped her arms from Bobby and tenderly reached to grasp his face in both her tiny hands. She turned him so that he was looking directly into her eyes. "I know, Bobby, that you would _never _do that. Not just to me, but to anyone." Bobby nodded. "Bobby, you're kinder, sweeter than you give yourself credit for."

He swallowed hard. "Especially to you, Eames…I would never. I just…I'm sorry. I keep…I can't stop thinking about it…I feel guilty about it and I don't know why. I know I shouldn't but I just…It's just…"

"Its just who you are, Bobby." She finished for him while releasing her hands from his face.

He nodded mutely, missing the contact.

"Something like…like that, yeah."

"As for somebody recognizing that we care for each other, well, Bobby I think it's too late there. People have to be blind not to see it…as far as a close partnership and friendship go I mean." She paused and then added, "And please don't bring up this career and reputation 'thing' again. You _know, _you have to know by now that those don't mean anything to me. _You're my _partner, nobody else." She smiled and could tell that he was somewhat relieved as well.

Bobby chewed on his lower lip briefly, looking down at his lap, until he slowly raised it back up to look at her.

"So…we are…we're ok then?" He hesitantly asked.

"More than ok, Bobby." She smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.

**A/N: **

**Just a Story Note: I realized ahead of time that Bobby wouldn't have his gun...since the Chief of D's took it. I "pretended" that he still had it though...obviously. The thing I didn't catch was that Bobby didn't have his cell phone. He left it with Eames. Duh! And he asked Frank when he was at his apartment if he could use his. Anyways, in the beginning, chapter 1, I had Bobby drop his cell phone next to him, Eames calling him, etc. So, my bad on that! Damn! And I tried to cover all the bases with this too. Poopy! **

**-Snyder-**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 26**

Alex pulled away from Bobby and smiled at him. She stroked the side of his face softly; Bobby mirrored her actions.

"How are _you _doing, Eames?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Bobby, are you ever going to call me, Alex?"

"Wh—What?" He stammered, caught off guard by her question. "I mean…I've called you Alex before, but I…I just…I'm used to calling you Eames. I…I'm sorry, does it bother you?" He stumbled over his words.

"No, Bobby. I just…I don't know, I was just curious as to why you always call me Eames."

"Respect." Bobby stated simply, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. _Respect and it was the only way to distance myself from you._

Alex blinked.

"But I call you Bobby. Am I…" She mused briefly. "Do I…is that disrespecting you?"

"What? No!" He shook his head.

"Look, if you want me to call you Alex, I can, I just need to get used to it."

She smiled. _Typical Bobby. The littlest of things can throw this large man off track so easily._

"Its fine, Bobby, I've just always wondered." She let her hands slowly drop from his face. "I call you 'Bobby' from time to time and you…well, I can count the number of times you've called me 'Alex' on one hand." She finished and rested her head on his left shoulder. She was about to add more, something about the exception of this past week, about how he _has _called her 'Alex' more, when Bobby started to speak.

"It was…it wasn't just out of respect, Alex." He whispered. Bobby's voice was so delicate, so gentle that it caused Alex to lift her head off his shoulder to look at him. "It was one of the ways I could distance myself from you." He shamefully admitted.

And finally, Alex somewhat understood. Bobby would do anything to distance himself from other people. People had run from him so many times, had retreated from his life leaving him in the dust to wonder what the hell had happened, that she couldn't blame him. She just wished he'd trust_ her_ more.

_But now…maybe now he realizes, maybe he does realize now that I'm not going anywhere. Maybe that's why he's telling me all this now._

"And now?" She asked, surprised her voice was so steady. If she were trying to convince someone that it was for her curiosity only, she'd fail, because she _needed_ to know this. She needed to know his answer.

"I…I don't want to be away…I don't want to be…" He took a deep breath to try and steady his voice. His body trembled instead. "I don't want to be away from you, Alex. I don't want to distance myself from you. Not anymore. I only did it _for _you."

"Good." She spoke without thinking, and then smiled and slowly, quietly let out a breath. "Because, Bobby? I don't want to be away from you either." She spoke in a serious voice.

Bobby nodded.

_New subject. I need time to think—_

"So, what do you want to do today?" Alex broke through Bobby's thoughts. She was thinking the same thing.

"Um…didn't really have any plans…I…I just…" And then he blurted out, remembering a phone call from earlier in the morning, "Ross called earlier this morning to check on things."

"He did?" Alex asked surprised and somewhat amused.

"Well, yeah. He wanted to talk to you…he didn't…didn't seem to trust me…but I told him you were sleeping. He seemed…leery, but I told him I'd have you call him when you woke up. He seemed to…accept that answer."

Alex smiled. "Ok, I'll go and call him. We don't want him to have a cow." She smiled as she stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen to grab the phone. She missed Bobby's smile at her comment.

Alex talked to Captain Ross in the kitchen for about a half hour. Alex updated him on the progress they, Alex and Bobby, were making and even told him bits and pieces of the rough nights Bobby had had, but she said he was doing a lot better than before; especially when it came to his mental stability. She, of course, left out the part about her and Bobby becoming _closer; _she wanted to save that for another conversation where they were in person and Bobby and her could both see the look on his face. She feared it though.

_What would it do to our careers?_ _Would this even work out or was it some little fling until he got back to his old self, 100 percent, and back to work full-time? _She shook her head. _No, no. I know, Bobby. I saw the look in his eyes. He wants this. I want this. No one will get in the way of that…of us. Not even Ross! _

When Alex walked back into the living room, she came in to see Bobby sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep with the History Channel on.She decided to leave him alone while she made some breakfast.

_He has to eat…we both do._

Twenty minutes later, Alex walked back to where Bobby was still fast asleep and smirked.

"Bobby." Alex gently touched his shoulder. "Wakey, wakey, Bobby." She cooed and smiled when his head buried further into the couch. He looked like an innocent little child. It was damn cute. "Come on, Bobby, I made us breakfast. You need to eat."

"You didn't have to, Eames." He suddenly whispered and she was shocked that his voice was so delicate. It had _nothing_ to do with his voice being muffled by the couch or by his tiresome state.

"Bobby? Are you ok? Look at me?" Bobby turned onto his back, slowly and stiffly, to look at her. He cringed briefly and immediately tried to cover it up, but Alex had caught it. "Are you in pain?"

"I don't care." He mumbled and tried to get comfortable on the couch. "I don't want any pain meds." He announced as he winced once more before he finally settled. Once again, the pain that was etched on to Bobby's face didn't get past Alex.

"Bobby, _are_ you ok?" She asked and looked concerned. She softly sat down next to him on the couch and placed her right hand on his knee.

Bobby looked at her hand and then back up to her face. It was full of concern…and love.

"I'm fine…just a little…sore still." He admitted.

"It's ok, Bobby. I'm not surprised. You…You've been through a lot."

He nodded. He couldn't disagree with her on that.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, all of a sudden not in the mood for the breakfast he could smell coming from the other room.

"Bobby, stop apologizing for everything. We've already talked about all of this. It's ok. Let's just put everything past us, ok?"

There was a long pause. Alex regretted her last line. _How could he? _Alex bit her lip wondering if he would actually answer her. And then, she heard him, though barely and then noticed him crying again.

"How can I?"

_Shit._

"How can you what, Bobby?" She said and removed her hand from his leg to wipe away the tears that started to fall.

"How can I just…forget what happened when I…when it's all I see when I close my eyes?"

_Oh god, is this another Tates thing? Or about his life before? _She wondered. Cleary there was a lot more he needed to talk about. There were so many things that had happened to this man, more than she knew, and more than she figured he'd talk about.

She was lost in thought when she felt him tremble next to her.

"Bobby, talk to me. Please, please talk to me." She murmured.

"I…I can't. You don't want to…you don't need to hear about my problems, Eames. It's…don't worry about it. I'll deal with it—"

"Bobby! Your problems _are_ my problems. Don't forget that. Trust me, Bobby." And then she paused and questioned him. "_Do_ you trust me, Bobby?"

"Of course I trust you, Eames!" He shot straight up from the couch, briefly tangling his legs into Alex's side. "But…but you don't…"

"Bobby…" She sighed and was about to plead with him one last time when he sprang towards her and wrapped his arms around her. He buried himself as much as possible in her side and didn't intend on letting go anytime soon.

"Eames, I'm so…I can't…I don't know what's going to happen to me. Tates, I don't know what to do. Eames, I thought I'd lost it in there. I…I think I…I did, really did. I thought I was dead. At times, I _hoped _I was." He felt Alex tighten her grip around him at his last statement. "I wasn't…I didn't know what was going on. I was in so much pain…and then so numb at other times. I was so lost. I _felt _insane. I tried to tell myself that I was just _playing the part, _but after a while, that faded. It didn't work anymore. I kept, I kept thinking…wishing that you were…that you'd find me. I was…I was falling apart. I was supposed to be strong…but I couldn't be. I broke down…I was treated…I hated what I felt like in there. Lying on the steel table…after hours and hours…up to 18 hours…I _had _lost it. I tried to, tried to keep it together, but I couldn't, I just…I couldn't. I kept…I remember how I kept telling myself that I had…that I had failed you. I'm sorry. I kept telling myself that I was sorry…sorry, Eames, so sorry that I wouldn't make it out of there. Sorry that I would never get to…never get to see you again. That I'd be lost in there and forgotten forever. That I'd die in there. I thought…I just knew somehow that I was going to die in there like, like Jay Lowry. I kept picturing him on the autopsy table…I kept replaying back what Doc Rodgers said…about severe dehydration…at least four days without water, bruises on the wrist, ankles and pelvis…from restraints…and then I opened my eyes to find myself restrained. It was…intimidating, it was hell. It _was_ the worst feeling in the world. I felt so helpless…and somehow felt like…that I was going to end up on a slab like him…but I didn't want to accept it because…I never got to say goodbye to you. I never got to tell you thank you…thank you for everything. And that I never got to tell you that I loved you. It was so…I was frightened. I was terrified of what was going to happen next in there and I kept thinking how much of a coward I was for feeling like that. I, Detective Robert Goren, wasn't supposed to…I wasn't supposed to feel…to break down and wimp out like that." And then Bobby terribly cried out. His cries struck Alex to the core as they coursed through her veins and echoed throughout his apartment.

Alex started to cry after the first sentence. She was holding back, carefully listening to his words, but god, did they hurt her. She felt as if he heart had been ripped out.

"Bobby. Oh, Bobby, I've got you. I'll never let you go." She squeezed him tightly and then made fists on his back. She couldn't get close enough to him at that point. "Bobby, you're not a coward. You're one of the bravest men I know. What you did…"

"Almost got me killed." He finished for her. "And, that wasn't even the…the part that…that scared me. It was just…not being able to see you…Alex, not being able to see you again. I hated myself for that; for leaving 1PP the way I did…and not being able to…" He shivered. "I'm sorry. I just can't get it out of my head. Those images haunt me…every night. I keep seeing your eyes…looking down at me while I'm on the table. I scream your name, but you disappear every time. I try not to let it bother me…but I can't help…I can't…I just _can't._ I'm living on 'what ifs,' and it's tearing me apart. I can't do anything right. I'm so, so fucked up Alex. Please, please help me. Please take these images away from me…out of my head. I just want some peace in my life, for once, and I can't. I…"

"You had another nightmare, didn't you?" She asked as she soothed him.

He nodded. "Even if I fall asleep for only ten minutes, I get nightmares." He shook. "That's why I'm afraid to...to sometimes fall asleep. It's hard for me to fall asleep. Usually, they're quiet and I just wake up…but sometimes…sometimes I wake up on the floor in my bedroom…or tangled in my sheets…"

"Jesus, Bobby. No wonder…" And then she stopped abruptly before she could finish the rest of her sentence. She hated herself at that very moment.

"No wonder what?" He asked and looked up at her when she didn't answer him. "No wonder what, Alex?"

She shook when she answered him. "No wonder you wanted to…to kill yourself." She whispered again his chest. It was now him that was holding her.

_God, we're both such a mess._

"I…I just wanted it to…to all go away."

"And now?" She dared to ask him.

"I just… I still want it to all go away…but I want you more…more than anything. I want you to…to stay with me. Always. Please. Please, Alex. I'll lose it if you leave me." He sobbed and managed to choke out, "You _are _the only one that can help me."

She knew that was a huge burden on her, but she'd accept it.

_Only for him._

****

**A/N: (Smiles...I deleted the long one).**

**-Snyder-**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 27**

It's always been a fantasy, a desperate, longing hope that Bobby would come to her. That he would need her and vise versa, but now it was reality.

_He's truly confiding in me, talking to me…and not turning away._

He cried as did she for a little over a half hour. They fought for positioning, trying to get the best advantage point as possible to become as close to the other one as two people could be. They buried their heads, they bunched their fists into each others backs and held onto each other; both afraid of being the one to let go first.

Alex was the first to speak.

"What can I do for you, Bobby? How can I help?"

"Stay…Just stay with me. Stay with me here tonight, in my bed with me like…like last night."

"Did you honestly think I was going to pack up and leave today?" A smile smiled escaped her lips. "We're finally getting somewhere—"

"I just…I didn't know if you were going to go back to…back to the couch or…"

"Not a chance, Bobby. Not after sleeping with you last night." She smiled and when she finally pulled back from him, she saw that he was smiling as well. "Like you said early into our partnership, diamonds don't keep you warm at night."

_And boy did he prove that to me last night._

And his smile grew wider, because she had remembered their little conversation from years ago. _Men come and go…but diamonds… _Alex said, and he remembered, word for word how he replied back to her: _Diamonds don't keep you warm at night._

"It was…it was nice to have someone in bed with me…someone I actually care about by my side." He looked into her eyes. "It felt like a dream."

"Same for me, Bobby. More than you'll ever know."

Bobby had always been such a gentleman…never getting too close to Alex. He'd never allow himself to touch her more than necessary for the thought that he might make her feel awkward and uncomfortable. He never knew she felt the same way towards him as he did about her. Undercover was the _only _exception to this rule and it was usually her doing the touching. He was deathly afraid of playing the role like Alex did. He was afraid if he tried to link arms with her, or pull her into a hug outside of work, that she'd instinctively freeze and then stiffen up.

Alex was _always_ close to him. Not just physically, but in his heart as well…but never too close. It was always so profession with Bobby…and yet it was so unprofessional at the same time. It killed Bobby to be honest. He wanted to, but was so afraid to even hug her for the possibility that she may not want it nor need it. He recalls wanting to wrap his arms around her many times; one being when a suspect tried to do the infamous suicide by cop routine. The suspect had taken a starter's pistol out from his coat pocket, fumbled with it and ultimately dropped it before Alex had fired a shot off. He wanted to hug her so badly just then, but instead he allowed himself only a slight touch on her arm to let her know that he was there with her and that everything would be alright. Every now and then, he'd touch her on the arm softly, but not long enough for it to take effect on her…or on _him _for that matter. Not nearly long enough for her to know _his _secret. That _he _loved _her. _He was determined to keep it a secret from her forever. But now, now all that didn't matter, and by some grace of god, he survived it.

They survived it together.

"I love you, Alex."

"Love you too, Bobby."

It was a little passed noon and Bobby remembered the breakfast Alex had cooked for them. He was determined not to spoil this meal she cooked, so he stood off the couch surprisingly sturdy-like and reached down with one hand to help Alex up.

"Breakfast?" He asked as he pulled her up with little effort.

"It'll be cold by now…and it's not really breakfast time anymore."

"That's why they invented microwaves." He gave her a mischievous grin and god did it make him look ten years younger. "And who cares what time it is." Alex rolled her eyes and watched as he quickly turned off the TV.

They ate in silence mainly, but it was a pleasant silence in which they both were thankful for. They hadn't had many of those in the past couple years, so it seemed as if things were getting better for once.

Alex would cast a glance every now and then at Bobby when she knew he wasn't looking, just for the sake of looking at him. At _her _Bobby. It was a done deal and she felt all warm and fuzzy inside at the thought.

Alex recalls into the earlier years in their partnership when Bobby seemed so much happier, spunkier. In the earliest of years together, Bobby had very little gray hair, just around his temples mainly. His suits were always pressed and she hardly ever saw him wear jeans like he does now…not that she minded. He was always well-kept though and shaved everyday and, god, how enthusiastic he was about his work. It drove her mad at times in the early mornings how _awake _and _ready _he was to work. Now, it seemed as if those times had faded; almost like the Robert Goren now was a complete opposite of the younger Bobby she used to know. Sure, he was still _into _his work. It's his life, but it's just not the same. She now holds onto the hope that as time goes on, it _will _be the same once more. That he'll finally realize that she's there with him and that she's not going anywhere. Ever. Alex believes that that information alone will help him.

She won't try and kid herself though; this job is killer on a detectives mind alone. After a difficult case, usually the ones hitting closest to home, she can tell when Bobby is so far buried inside the perpetrators head that she doesn't bother to talk to him except for the normal 'goodnights' and 'see you tomorrows.' She gave up a long time ago asking if he were 'ok.' He never answered truthfully anyways. After the cases, the ones that were too close to home for their likings, during those nights, Alex would stay up into the wee hours trying to figure out how he got back _out _of their heads. She often wondered if he ever actually did. It's a scary thought and a scary world, and she knows, she just fucking knows that over the years, it has taken a toll on him. She can tell just by looking at him; she believes she is the only one who truly can. She definitely won't deny that it hasn't on her either.

By the time they'd finished eating and the dishes done, it was a little after 1:00PM. They debated for a little while on what to do. Bobby wanted to go out and do _something, _though he had no idea what that something was, but Alex was still aware of his healing and was more on the cautious side. She didn't want him to push himself too much, to exert or hurt himself any further, so after a continuous debate they decided to curl up on the couch a watch a movie.

After another ten minutes of debating, they decided on watching _Sleepless in Seattle, _which was playing on TV. To Alex's surprise, he didn't complain about the choice of movie.

Bobby made it about forty-five minutes into the movie before he started to doze off. Before he fell off the couch, Alex wrapped her arm around his shoulders and guided him onto her as best as she could. His head rested limply on her shoulders and she purposely sagged down a bit farther into the couch to make him more comfortable. He sighed in contentment and she turned back to the movie.

As the ending credits rolled by, Bobby became vaguely aware of practically lying on top of Alex and quickly pushed himself up.

"Sorry." He mumbled and winced at the positioning he was in.

"It's ok, you were keeping me warm." She smirked and tried her best to ignore his discomfort. She didn't want to baby him because she knew that _he _didn't want her to. "Besides you smell really good."

He blinked. _How random. _"Umm, thanks, I think?" He said and rubbed at his eyes.

She had to laugh. He looks adorable when he first wakes up.

"You think?"

He paused. "Well, do I normally _not _smell good?"

"What? No. You always smell good." She said and kissed him softly on the lips. "You just smell extra good right now." She murmured against his lips and was about to deepen the kiss when she all of a sudden pulled away and looked at him.

"What?" He asked confused.

"You didn't take a shower, did you, Goren?" She looked a little mad…or possibly just confused. "You know what the doctor said about—" She was stopped dead in her tracks when Bobby placed a large paw over her mouth to shut her up.

"I _know _what the doctor said, _Eames, _but he _did _say that I could have a sponge bath." He shrugged and removed his hand from her mouth before she bit it. "So I had one earlier this morning when I couldn't sleep."

"Oh. Sorry." She mumbled embarrassed.

"No need to apologize." He smirked. "I guess your sniffer isn't as good as it used to be." He laughed.

"Wipe that smug look off your face, Bobby." She said and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Yes, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes and then got up and stretched.

"Well, its now 4:30PM. What would you like to do?"

He yawned. "I'm a little tired."

"Then go to bed." She stated before he could come up with some lame excuse not to. "It's good for you." And this time, she didn't flinch when she told him it was _good for him._ Bobby noticed this of course and physically relaxed. He was too damn relieved to say anything.

He quickly nodded, obeying what she said, and stood up. "What are you going to do?"

"Well, since you already had _your _shower—"

"Sponge bath." He corrected her.

"Sorry, sponge bath, I think I'll take one too." She saw him start to speak, but she was on top of her game. She had to be with Bobby. "No, _not _a sponge bath, a _real _shower." And she beamed with satisfaction, beating him to it, and then watching him as he pouted.

"Hmph." He sulked. She laughed.

After Alex walked into the bathroom and shut the door, Bobby quickly stripped down until he was only wearing his favorite Juicy Couture print boxers he had gotten from Nordstrom's. After debating for a few minutes, looking from the bathroom door back to his dresser, he ultimately decided to put on a clean white shirt as well.

_I'm big enough with all my clothes on. God, what would she think of me without them?_ _At least they hide some...'stuff.' _He then shook and then halted in place as he remembered. _You dumbass, she's already seen me without a shirt on many times. _

"Oh perfect." He mumbled under his breath as he crawled underneath the covers.

**A/N: So, just to refresh your memory…that quote about the diamonds, it was an actual conversation they had. Episode: "One." I realize that is was the first episode…ever, but I just kind of like to assume that they were partners for sometime before (Smiles).**

**As far as the movies concerned, I just couldn't think of a movie that they'd watch…so I just picked a random one…I guess like everyone else does?! Have we ever heard Bobby mention any movies he likes? (Laughs at documentaries). If anyone would like to give me a hint or something, I'd be more than happy to change it. LOL**

**-Snyder-**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 28**

As the shower continued to run, Bobby began to believe that the rumors about women taking too long in the shower were indeed true.

_She can stay in there until the hot water runs out if she wants to...for as long as she wants. As long as she's here. _

Bobby blinked those long, dark eyelashes of his a few times. He was on the verge of tears just thinking about her with him. After all they had been through over the seven, almost eight years, and she was still with him. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind around it. After all the heartache, the politics and the cold shoulders he's given her, she was still by his side.

He couldn't help but begin to think about what it would be like if she _had _left sometime during their partnership. What if she didn't stick it out? Where would he be now? Would he still be at Major Case? Would he still even be a Detective? Or would he be…

_Lost. Or possibly dead. _And then he delicately turned his head in the direction of the door to the room she was in. _Not possibly. I would be dead. I would've lost it a long time ago if she wasn't here to hold me down._

He closed his eyes tight as his tiresome features compressed together and his forehead wrinkled. He rubbed at his eyes and fought the tiredness. His fingers softly, hesitantly felt the bump that had formed on his forehead, where he had hit his head earlier, and then made their way down to his cheek and to his chin where he felt his beard as it endlessly grew longer and greyer. He swore he could_ feel_ it turning lighter as the days past. He felt older, stiffer, and he reminded himself to shave in the morning. It had been a couple days. He was already passed the rugged feel of his five o'clock shadow and onto a softer-like beard now. He was surprised Alex hadn't called him Santa Claus yet. It looked like it, in more ways than one.

Bobby was still lying on his bed, sprawled out on his back, listening to the shower run. His thoughts immediately went to Alex. He couldn't help himself as images passed through his mind of Alex nude in the shower; lathering herself up and then rinsing off her tight body with the steaming hot water.

He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his head.

_Now is definitely not the time._

He was determined to stay up and wait for her to come to bed. _His _bed. He loved the sound of it and it almost took his breath away when he mumbled, "Alex…coming to _my _bed."

He softly bit his lip as an overwhelming of feelings toppled down on him. There was one difference between this time and all the others: the feelings were all of happiness and of hope.

He sighed, closed those beautiful brown eyes of his once more, and waited for Alex.

Bobby had taken his medication before Alex went into the bathroom. She made sure he took it, but he refused to take his sleep or pain medications. After one of those Alex _looks_, where she frowns and where he _knows _she disagrees with him, the look she often gave him during a case, she finally agreed but told him that if he wasn't able to sleep because of the pain or any other reason, than to tell her.

He definitely agreed to this, and that is when she turned and walked into the bathroom and out of site.

As he laid there in bed, he couldn't help but trail his long fingers softly under his shirt and over his stitches. He tenderly rubbed them, though tenderness was the last thing he was feeling about them. He was ashamed of them; like they were apart of him that he didn't want to remember ever.

They still bothered him at times when he was in an awkward position for too long, like the way he was lying on the couch earlier, but it was mostly tolerable. He couldn't help but look back at where he was only a few days ago. He frankly _did _feel a lot better mentally.

_A whole hell of a lot better than I did. I feel like…like I finally have a place in this world. I know I have to see shrink, Ross made sure to make that clear to me the last time I talked to him. I hate talking to shrinks. I don't like to be shrunk. _

It was true, Ross told Bobby last time they spoke on the phone that he needed to be seen by a shrink before he came back. It was also very much true that he _hated _them. It was none of their business what was going on inside of _his _head.

Bobby was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear Alex step out of the bathroom; her attire only consisting of a pair of pajama shorts and a small black tank-top. He only became aware of her presence when she sat down on the bed and placed a hand on his thigh.

He smiled and opened his eyes to look at her.

"Are you tired yet?" She asked as she started to lie down next to him.

"I'm always tired. The question is: Will I be able to sleep?" He mumbled. "I was…I was waiting for you."

"Hmm." She said as she swiveled to the side and crawled under the cover; smiling when Bobby pulled them back for her. "Well, here I am."

Then Bobby started doing the thing with his eyes that he does when he looks around, like he's almost lost as of what to say or do. He blinks a few times, and every time he opens his eyes from a blink, they're looking in a different direction than before. Its one of the things that gets to her the most when he does it. His brown orbs seem to focus on everything but the person he's talking to. In this case, Alex. They flashed over towards her once she laid down in the bed, but then quickly flashed back down to his stitches, away from her eyes when she looked at him. It was then that she noticed he had a shirt on.

_Why does he always have to wear a shirt? Please do not tell me that he's embarrassed with the way he looks._

She tried not to show her disappointment as she continued to watch Bobby's features, his eyes, searching for any sign of distress. She waited for him to speak first.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, no Bobby. Nothings wrong. I was just…thinking."

"About?"

"You." She paused. "You and only you, Bobby." She told him as she slid right up against his side. "Is this ok?" She asked.

He nodded. "Of course it is. You feel good." Then he smelled her. "Hmm and you smell good too."

"Well, I did need a shower." She mumbled into his shoulder.

There was a long silence between them; each one assumed the other one was dozing off to sleep until Bobby felt Alex shake softly.

"Are you cold?" He asked, assuming it was the most logical explanation. He tilted his head to the side so that she could see her face and then he immediately knew she wasn't. "Alex, what's wrong?" He asked and swiftly turned on to his left side to face her. He saw the tears falling from her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing. Just go back to sleep."

That wasn't good enough for Bobby. He was about to lift her chin up with his fingers to look her in the eyes when he watched in amazement as she buried her face into his chest even deeper and wrapped her arms around him as much as she possibly could in their position.

"I wasn't asleep." He whispered and then, "Alex. Please talk to me." He pleaded.

It took a few moments for her to gather up her strength and pull away from him slightly, but when she did, it broke Bobby's heart.

Before he could stop himself, her blurted out, "Is it something I did?" He wanted to know. He needed to know. It was killing him. He didn't like to see her upset, ever.

"Oh, Bobby, no." She proclaimed. "It's just…I worry about you."

"But I'm fine, Alex. As fine as I can be."

"But…it's my fault." She whispered and gathered his shirt up in to her fists.

"What is?" He was deeply confused now and he didn't bother to hide it in his tone.

She took a deep breath, knowing that she had to tell him. He had been open with her, so it was her turn to be open with him.

"Do you…do you know how many times I wished that I…" She swallowed hard. She was more worried what this was going to do to him than to her. "How many times I wished that I never would've turned around and talked to Frank? Or never let him explain himself to me? How many times I wished, just fucking wished that I never would've told him that I would talk to you? Wished that I had just kept walking instead? This would've never happened to you if I would've just kept walking and minded my own business." She finished and sobbed, unconsciously rubbing where the marred marks were on his waist through his boxers.

He shivered at her touch, but did not turn away. "Alex, look at me." He felt her shake her head. "Please, look at me." And this time, he was on the verge of tears. You could hear it in his voice and Alex unconsciously clenched onto him tighter.

She was about to say something to him when she felt a tear fall from his face and land on her own. She quickly pulled away from him.

"No, Bobby, please don't cry."

"I can't help it. When you're upset, I'm upset. I mean, Jesus Alex, look at all I've…I've put you through. I am so sorry."

"None of this would've happened if I just wouldn't walked away from him. Do you know how many times I've thought about this? It was all hanging in the balance, all in my hands, and I chose the wrong thing."

"No, Alex. You didn't. I needed to know, I _had _to know. Frank would've found a way to get a hold of me anyway. And I don't regret doing it either…I don't regret going into Tates."

"Look at all the people you helped by doing so." She whispered.

"And look what it did to the one person I love. It ended up hurting her the most by doing so."

"Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hold me tonight? Please."

His eyes sparkled with love. He couldn't recall anyone _ever _asking him to do that for them simply out of comfort.

"There's nothing I'd rather do." He murmured and turned on his back and pulled her to him.

After a few minutes of silence, Bobby asked, "Alex, you know I would do anything for you, right?"

"I know, Bobby. I know." She answered into his shirt.

"You know I _am _sorry for all of this, right?" He didn't wait for her reply. "You know if I could, I'd take away_ all_ of your pain…but instead, I've done the opposite." And that's when Alex pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. "Instead, you've taken all of my pain, all of the burden away from me, and by some grace of god, Alex, you've—"

"I've carried it for you." She said and stroked the side of his face. He nodded. "And I always will, Bobby, if you'll do the same for me."

He began to protest. "But that's unfair to you, Alex." And then, "Always, Alex. I'll carry all your pain in a bag next to my heart if you ask me to. I want to be there for you, Alex. You've always been there for me…but I've never been there for you…not like this."

_Oh god, he doesn't know. He doesn't think he was. I knew I should've told him sooner._

"Bobby, you have. I remember so vividly when I was in the hospital after I was found..." She looked up at him. "You were there with me. I woke up some nights, I never told you, I never let on, but I know you stayed there throughout the nights with me. All of them. Every time I woke up from a nightmare, I squeezed you're hand because I knew mine was placed in yours." She saw his eyes widen. "Bobby, I never thanked you for that. You have no idea what that meant to me. To feel safe when I woke up from a nightmare because I knew that if I turned to my left, you would be there."

"I found myself wanting to die because of that." He faintly whispered. "And please don't tell me not to feel like that, Alex, because it hurt me so fucking bad to watch you lay in a hospital bed. I couldn't help but feel that way. And it hurt so severely because I knew that that was the reason why I couldn't tell you how I felt. It was like it was mocking me. I wanted to so badly, but I didn't for those reasons."

"Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"What for?" He weakly asked into her hair.

"For everything: for sticking with this, for sticking with me and most importantly, for not dying on me." She swallowed hard. "Because I wouldn't have survived it."

And he nodded because he felt the same way about her.

He cradled her into his body as close as he could and that's how they both fell asleep not thirty minutes later.

**A/N: Thanks ****for reading!**

**-Snyder-**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: Ok, so this is getting into the 'adult area.' This chapter is still T, but it will get into rated M in the next chapter (read the end authors note for more details). Thanks and enjoy.**

**CHAPTER: 29**

Bobby woke up early into the morning around 1:00 AM. He felt as though the territory he was in was alien to him, but it was a pleasant abnormal in the respect that he felt calm and at peace. Bobby Goren was never relaxed. Not like this. He was warm inside and out with an equally warm, petite body pressed up against his side.

Bobby didn't need to direct his eyes to the person whom was lying next him. He knew who it was. There was no one else. He shivered in surprised. At first, he allowed himself out of self-pity to feel amazed, possibly shocked that she was still with him…and then he sighed because he knew that she wasn't going anywhere. He knew he had to quit thinking those thoughts. He knew he had to quit thinking that she was going to leave her whack-job partner.

He closed his eyes and curled into her body even further. His eyes then shot back open. _Oh my god, I didn't have a nightmare?_ _I actually slept for…like 6 hours?! _He tightly shut his eyes.

Alex was pressed into Bobby's left side while her left leg was thrown lightly over his large ones and he took a minute to take in the feeling of her bare legs on his own.

Then he opened his eyes. He was on his back looking directly at the ceiling.

Bobby hesitantly turned his head towards Alex and reached up with his right hand, reaching across his chest, and began to play with her hair that fell in front of her face. It was soft, so soft. He'd always wondered what her hair felt like; though he always _knew _it would be soft. He loved when she would periodically push it behind her ear. Bobby's hand slide out of her hair and trailed down to her left side. He yieldingly rubbed her side where her tank top had risen up. He physically bit his lip, trying to decide on whether or not to continue to touch her like this. Was he _allowed _to? He wasn't sure whether she'd let him or not.

Slowly, he removed his hand and laid it back against his side with a loud sigh to follow.

That's when Alex spoke up.

"Why did you stop?" She asked, surprising him in the process.

"Alex? I—I didn't know you were awake. I'm sorry."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Yes, of course. Anything." He softly murmured.

"Stop apologizing."

"Oh, I'm so—"

Alex rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. She didn't expect anything less of Bobby.

There was a silence that filled the room for a few minutes until Alex spoke up once more.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"You never answered my question."

Bobby thought hard for a few seconds. Alex swore she could _hear _him thinking; the gears turning in all which ways to process her easily-answered question. She was about to tell him to forget about it or just let it go when he hesitantly spoke up.

"I just…I didn't know if I should be touching you or not. If that is…I mean, if it's ok with you…" He stopped abruptly.

Alex turned in his left arm so that she was facing him more and reached up with her left hand to stroke the side of his face.

_Here goes nothing…_

"Is it ok if I touch you like this?" She continued to softly stroke the side of his face. Bobby nodded. "Or if I touch you like this?" Her hand made its way further back, tangling her hand in the messy curls of his salt and pepper hair. He nodded again. "What if I touch you like this, Bobby?" She continued to ask, this time her hand dropped from his curls and cheek, to softly rub his chest through his shirt seductively. Bobby took a little longer to answer this time, but nodded just as eagerly as before. "And this?" She asked, this time rolling completely onto her stomach first as her right hand joined her left as they began to trail under his shirt and up his stomach. He nodded, this time his eyes softly closed, savoring the feeling. "Bobby, open your eyes." His eyes shot open quickly, but passionately. "What about this, Bobby?" She asked as she pulled one hand out from underneath his shirt and softly trailed it over his lips while the other hand toyed with one of his hardening nipples.

"Yes." He finally answered.

Alex looked at him, deeply looked at him. She removed her hand from his lips and laid it on his chest, over his heart and closed her eyes for a brief moment. She didn't want to ever forget this.

She knew she wouldn't.

Bobby saw this and sat up, sitting Alex up in the process. Her hand slipped out of his shirt and settled on his leg.

"Alex…" He began but Alex had other plans. She opened her eyes only to be greeted with his brown pools of concern and uncertainty.

"It's ok, Bobby. It's alright." She said and took the opportunity to slip her tiny hands underneath the hem of his t-shirt.

_Oh god, please don't leave me, Alex. I couldn't take it if you did._

"Bobby…" She whispered.

Her hands started to roam higher up his shirt, lifting the shirt up in the process. Once she made her hands slowly, torturously up his torso and passed his chest, he willingly raised his arms above his head to allow her to remove his shirt.

"Alex?" He questioned after the shirt had been removed. This couldn't be happening. He'd always wanted it to but…

Before he could think anymore, her lips came crashing down on his. Softly at first, but then eagerly and more demanding as the seconds passed.

She wanted to taste him. She wanted to feel him. She fucking wanted him.

Alex slipped her tongue out of her mouth to run it over his full, luscious lips that she'd always dreamt about. Getting passed his lips, she briefly ran her tongue over his pearly white teeth until he opened up for her. For the first time in their lives, Bobby and Alex tasted each other. Their tongues dulled for power, for _seniority _of the other, and for just wanting to be together and not be apart any longer. They both knew there was never any need for seniority in their partnership, their friendship and now, their relationship, but this was different.

They had both waited so long for this. Too long.

Bobby couldn't remember ever feeling so alive. He thought he'd forgotten how it felt…how _this _felt; being with a woman he truly adored and loved. And then he realized something. He's never felt this way before in his entire life. Never like this. At this moment in time, everything seemed right in his life and there was no other place he'd rather be. At one point in time, he just didn't give a fuck about it anymore, but this changed everything and he knew it.

_And now…_

Bobby moaned in Alex's mouth as she crawled closer to him and straddled his lap for better access. After a couple minutes, they reluctantly pulled apart for air. Both were panting, not only from lack of oxygen, but from the intensity of the kiss as well.

It was overwhelmingly powerful.

Alex looked down to his chest and couldn't help but run her hands over him, playing with the curls of hair on his chest. It was muscular, more muscular than she had originally thought it would be.

_God, I've wanted to do this for so long._

"Alex?" He questioned once more, somewhat self-conscious.

"Bobby?" She responded in return as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.

He eagerly accepted her embrace and held her in return. It felt good holding her and vise versa.

_I'd be content to stay in this position for the rest of my life._

Alex wanted more, however, and so did Bobby.

She gazed deep into his eyes, making sure he wanted this and that it was not just her. What she saw shook her to the core. There was so much love in his eyes that she didn't think one person could hold so much within their being. And then she realized that this was Bobby. No one had ever truly loved or cared about him. He had so much love inside of him and no one to share it with, no one who would equally love him back...until now.

Alex reached to the bottom of her shirt and started to lift it over her head when to large paws came down on her hands and stopped her.

She looked at him questioningly.

"I want to." He spoke softly. She shivered at how much affection was in his voice.

She released her shirt from her grip and let Bobby take control.

She continued to straddle his lap, feeling his manhood pressed into her lower half as he raised his hands up over her head, taking her shirt with him. He tossed it on the floor next to his own shirt. When he turned back around to look at her he paused.

She felt him staring at her, his eyes fixed on her, when he looked back up to meet her own eyes. He felt her start to raise her hands over her stomach when he lightly shook his head.

"Don't. You're beautiful, Alex. So beautiful."

She couldn't help but smile.

"Touch me, Bobby." She leaned into his ear and whispered while grabbing his left hand and placing it lightly on her breast. She groaned in response to his delicate touch and licked his ear.

_Oh god, she's going to kill me._

**A/N: Ok, so I stopped it here for a reason (Smiles). The next chapter is definitely going to be rated M. So, noooo, I am **_**not **_**going to skip the good part. LOL Drives me nuts when it's skipped!**

**So…on another note, after talking to several people over and over again (you know who you are) I've decided to end this fic. There's going to be a few more chapters, but after all the…well, rated M stuff, I'll add maybe another chapter and then end it there. Like most of you said, I can always do a sequel later where I would basically bring Bobby back to work, see a shrink, etc. I think that's the best way to do it. So yeah. Let me know what you think. **

**-Snyder-**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N:** The rating has changed to **Rated M** for this chapter. I'll let you know once it's back to Rated T. Thanks.

**CHAPTER: 30**

_Oh god, she's going to kill me._

She saw the look in his eyes and whispered once more.

"Touch me, Bobby." She grabbed his other hand and placed it lightly on her other breast. This time, she couldn't suppress a groan that came from her lips in response to his delicate touch.

When Bobby felt her place his other hand on her breast, he shivered slightly, but refused to close his eyes. He wanted to remember this. All of it. Expertly, Bobby caressed her silky smooth breasts while he tilted his head towards her and softly nibbled on her neck. After a few minutes, he reluctantly released her breast in his left hand and reached back to feel for the clasp of her bra. Before undoing it with his left hand, he pulled back and looked into her eyes for permission.

She softly kissed him on the lips once and then nodded for him to continue.

Delicately undoing it with one hand, he let the black lace bra slide down her shoulders until it came to a halt; still gently resting on her shoulders. He gasped and was unable to move for a few seconds. He couldn't take his eyes away from her.

Alex helped him remove it completely and tossed it on the floor.

"Oh god." He whispered. "Alex…"

Bobby reached up with both hands to touch her breasts once more. He gave them both equal, yet sensual attention. Alex all the while had closed her eyes, reeling in the feeling of Robert Goren's hands on her. She moaned lightly when she felt one of his large thumbs rub across her harden nipple. Oh how she had dreamt of this moment through the wee hours of the night.

_Me…and Bobby…_

Alex opened her eyes once more when she felt Bobby move underneath her. He turned them around and laid her down on the bed next to him. He shifted slightly and ended up hovering over her; one hand on either side of her supporting his own weight. The look in his eyes took her breath away.

Alex couldn't resist the urge to reach up with both hands on either one of his arms and rub them softly. He was strong, very strong, and she could feel the muscles bulge out around his triceps as they supported his bulky form. It only turned her on even more.

"You _do_ know I love you, right Bobby?" She asked, halting Bobby from any movement he was about to make.

"I—I know now. God, I hope I do. I love you, Alex. I have for so long. I just, I don't want to wake up alone…or you wishing this hadn't happen. If you said it was…it was a mistake…" He paused, closed his eyes briefly and then swallowed hard. "If you woke up the next morning and said that it…that this was a mistake…" He opened his eyes once more and looked into her eyes. "I think it would just about kill me, Alex. It truly would." He whispered delicately.

"Bobby…" She started, but was immediately cut off.

"I just…It's happened before…to me. Like it's hard to…for someone to care for me…about me. I just want to know—"

She sat upright to look into his eyes. "Bobby…I care for you." She said and took hold of his face gently. "I wouldn't—"

"You don't…You don't know that, Alex."

"Bobby, I _do _know that. I would _never _leave you. I can't leave you. I love you too much and I would never doubt this…" She nodded towards the both of them. "I would never doubt what we have. I had…I did before, a long time ago. I…I won't deny that, but not now. I'm not going anywhere. I want this so badly. I want _you _so badly. More than I should probably admit."

Bobby blinked.

"Are you sure? I just…I don't want you to ruin your life because of me. I just—" He was cut off by her lips colliding with his once more.

He didn't need to be told again.

"I love you, Alex. So very much." He murmured in between kisses. Alex smiled.

"Ditto, you big lug." She murmured and felt his own smile against her lips.

"Please don't leave me in the morning."

"I'm _never _leaving you, Bobby." She reassured him yet again and then leaned forward to kiss him once more.

Bobby pulled away from the kiss and hovered over her once more. In Bobby's eyes, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

_God, what did I do to deserve her?_

As Bobby took her in, Alex's hands travelled southward towards his boxers. He let her with a slight groan to follow as her nails raked lightly over his chest and stomach. When Alex reached the waist band of his boxers, she couldn't wait to get them off, so without warning, she gripped him firmly through his offending material.

He groaned loudly and then, "Oh god, Alex…"

Alex sat up in bed again and started to stroke him lightly while trying to slide his boxers down with the other hand.

"Alex, if you keep doing that—"

She quickly kissed him to keep him from saying anything further.

"Keep doing what, Bobby?" She asked innocently. Then she paused all the other smart-ass remarks she was about to come up with as she caught a glimpse of the boxers he was wearing.

Her smile grew wider and wider as the seconds passed.

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby, you wear Juicy Couture?" Alex asked. Her mouth was agape and she couldn't help but stared down at his waist. She thought she felt herself drool, but she wasn't sure.

"Yeah, why?" He asked nervously and tilted his head to the side.

"Why does that not surprise me?" She asked amused and that's when Bobby smiled back at her.

He shrugged. "They're comfortable—"

"Not to mention they look good on you." And of course, Bobby blushed. "Bobby…" She growled. "You're _very _sexy when you blush." And she couldn't help but laugh in amusement.

Bobby's head shot up. "You think I'm…sexy?" He asked in disbelief.

"You don't think you are?" She asked in amazement.

"Well…no. I mean, I thought that, maybe when I was younger I might've been but now—" He stopped when he saw her shaking her head. His mouth immediately clamped shut.

"You thought when you were younger you were, but not now?" She watched him nod. "Bobby, haven't you ever heard women talk about how they hate men because, when they age, they look _better?!_" She asked amused and annoyed at the same time.

"Um…no?" He lied. He had, but he didn't think _that_ old saying had been one that was directed towards him; not the way he saw himself in the mirror anyway.

"You. Are. Gorgeous." She kissed him to emphasize her point. "And _very _sexy."

Bobby's eyes widened. "Even…the…the way I look now?" She nodded. He sighed.

Bobby was about to speak once more when he felt one of Alex's hand brush lightly against his member. He groaned and quickly rolled over to remove his boxers. When he got back on his knees in front of Alex, she gasped out loud.

He was big. Oh god was he big. _How could I have not known when I gripped him earlier? I definitely underestimated him. _She licked her lips with anticipation and nervousness. _Big boy. _She mused and a smile crept up on her face.

Bobby saw her smirk and spoke up. "See something you like?" He asked her nonchalantly and boy if he didn't have the biggest grin on his face that Alex had ever seen. His self-confidence was slowly starting to creep back into Bobby and Alex could tell. She loved it.

"You know I do." She whispered and gripped him once more.

"No, No." He murmured. "I don't think so." He said and gently pushed her hands away.

Bobby reached down to her shorts and slowly started to pull them off. He briefly pressed his lower body against her while he kissed her neck; he was rewarded with a slight shiver and a moan by Alex. Then he pulled back, kissed her breasts and trailed down to her stomach while taking her shorts and the underwear he snatched on the way down, with him.

Tossing the rest of her clothes onto the ground, he turned back around to look at her.

_God, she's amazing._

_God, he's amazing._

Alex started to blush.

He smiled. "You're beautiful, you know." It wasn't a question.

"So are you." She said huskily.

"Alex, I don't think that your typically guy likes to be referred to as 'beautiful.'"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, _you're _not exactly _my_ typical guy to begin with. I mean, you _are _mine and _definitely_ one of a kind." She smiled.

A small chuckle was the only sound that came from Bobby.

"Ok, ok, so how about…" She sat up and softly sucked on his right nipple as she contemplated her options. He gasped in surprise. "How about, fucking sexy as hell? Fucking irresistible, Bobby." She managed in between sucks. "My fucking sexy as hell, lovably Bobby bear." She pulled up briefly and laughed at her own wording.

"Hmmm. If you say so…" He managed. He was too distracted at the moment to protest.

She stopped and looked into his eyes.

"I _do _say so."

"But I'm…"

Alex sighed. "Bobby, are we back to this again? I thought we already talked about this?"

He ignored her questions. "But I…I'm not exactly like…what I used to look like. I'm…"

"Still fucking sexy as hell." She finished for him. "You _are_ irresistible, Bobby."

He snorted. "Yeah, right, Alex."

"Bobby!" She wailed. He looked at her as if he had just been slapped...again. "I never knew you had a lack of self-esteem." She suggested. "This is a whole new side of you…"

"Alex…"

"No, Bobby. You're very handsome. And I don't care what you look like, although, you don't have any problems in that department." She smirked. "Or any other department for the matter." Her eyes shifted downward towards his growing cock. "You're hot." She murmured and ran her hands on either side of his body, leaving a trail of goose bumps where her fingers had just been. "Age has definitely helped you." She licked her lips.

He sighed. "Yeah, but I…I've aged so much and put on…I'm not…as healthy as I used to be." He shamefully admitted.

"What? And I haven't aged? You've got to be kidding me?"

Bobby shook his head so vigorously that she thought he might strain his neck.

"You haven't, Alex. You're just as beautiful as before. I think…I think even more so than when I first met you…although I might be a little biased."

Alex rolled her eyes. Oh the things Bobby could say to flatter a woman.

"Ok, how about we're both beautiful or…" She looked back up into Bobby's eyes, "Sexy as hell. The two of us. Better?"

Bobby's laughed. "If you say so."

"I do." She said huskily. "And those eyes, Bobby, that look you're giving me right now with them…they make you even more irresistible. Every emotion you've _ever _carried is shown through those eyes, Bobby. I've seen so much through them over the years…and I love you because of it."

In truth, Alex's eyes were the only ones that could look through his eyes and directly into his soul. She was the only one he _let_ look deep within him. She was the only one he _let_ get that close…and he never regretted it either.

Bobby blushed as he ran his hand softly over her body; starting in her hair and moving down south.

"I love you, too, Eames." She felt like rolling her eyes at the mention of her last name, _again, _but gasped instead when she felt two long fingers run over her clit.

**A/N: Ok guys, so I'm sorry I cut this a bit short of the…"action" so to speak. LOL. There **_**will**_** be more Rated M in the next chapter, so beware. ****Oh, also, the next chapter Bobby will definitely have more self-esteem…so no need to worries there. **

**-Snyder-**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N:** This chapter is **Rated M**.

**CHAPTER: 31**

Alex moaned when she felt Bobby's fingers rub over her clit. Oh god how long she'd waited for this to happen.

"You're so wet." Bobby huskily whispered. Alex groaned and unconsciously rocked her hips into his fingers further. Without hesitation, Bobby thrust two long fingers into her.

"Oh god, Bobby." Alex pleaded. "Please…don't stop." She managed to get out.

Bobby only smiled and added another finger into her core, continuing to pleasure her. He didn't have any plans on stopping anytime soon. He too had wanted to do this for a very long time. Nothing was going to stop him now. The world could be falling apart outside for all he cared, and he still wouldn't leave. He wanted to hear her every moan and groan, and hear her call out his name when she came.

He felt her start to convulse within a minute and was surprised at how quickly she was going to orgasm. He looked up and smiled at her as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her while his thumb rubbed over her nub.

"Come for me, Alex." He requested and reached up with his free hand to play with her hardened nipples.

_Oh god, those fingers!_

"Ahh, Bobby…I'm so…so close…Please." She began to ramble. Her breathing became labored and he knew she was about to come any second.

Bobby bent down just then and whispered, "I love you, Alex." Into her ear and flicked his tongue onto her left ear lobe once before pulling away.

That was all it took, and before Bobby could even pull away, Alex came hard onto Bobby's fingers. She heard herself scream, not moan or groan softly, but scream "Bobby" as she road her waves of pleasure.

Bobby's heart soured when he heard his name roll of Alex's lips as she came. He immediately shifted his weight, removed his fingers, and slid down the bed and started to gently suck on her clit; lapping up all of her nectar. Her hands immediately went to his head and made fists in his hair. She loved the feeling of Bobby's hair in her hands, but loved the feeling even more of Bobby's tongue licking up her juices.

"Hmm, you taste so good, Alex." He murmured. His voice vibrated her clit and only aroused her even more. She gasped at the revelation. As she looked back on this moment later on, she couldn't ever recall being so turned on.

"Bobby…" She panted. "No man has ever…" She paused to try and catch her breath. He figured she would continue, but after a few moments of silence, he reluctantly looked up towards her.

"No man has ever what?"

"No man has ever made me come like that. I've never been…" She swallowed hard, somewhat embarrassed. "I've never been able to come when a guy fingers me…or even when he…goes down on me…" And not three seconds after the last word rolled off of her tongue, she felt Bobby's tongue flick over her hypersensitive clit. She clawed at the bed and finally managed to grab onto the covers tightly in her hands. She knew she was going to come again. And hard. She could feel it building already.

Bobby licked, sucked, and darted his tongue into her warm, wet pussy. He was set out to make her come again and by her shallow breathing, he knew he would. He wanted to treat her like a queen and he felt his own pride skyrocket, knowing that he was the only man _ever _in her life that could make her come by fingering her and now…by oral pleasure as well.

A few minutes later, he was licking up her juices that poured out of her and, once again, she screamed his name as she came.

"Oh my god, Bobby…" She took a breath to try and even out her breathing. All the while, Bobby had crawled back up to her. "You're amazing." She whispered and began to kiss him. She pulled him towards her and wrapped her legs around his waist; pulling him up against her.

"I don't want to squish you, Alex." He said and tried to pull back a little.

"You won't." She murmured. "You feel so good." She whispered and then, "Bobby…I need you. I want you. Now. Please, Bobby." She pleaded and then pulled him to her and their tongues dueled once more. She felt his cock twitch in between them both and smiled against his lips.

_Who am I to deny her such a request? _He wondered and pulled back from her. This time she let him, but not before kissing him one last time.

He positioned himself over her and then, slowly, he entered her. He felt her shift under him and then look into his eyes; his eyes never left hers. He knew she was trying to compensate for his size; he was big, that much he _knew, _so he paused briefly and his look turned from passion to concern. Alex was having none of that, however, and bucked her hips into him once and took him fully within her. He could feel her inner walls clenching and she could feel his cock pulsating. It felt fucking good.

_This is what sex…or making love is_ _supposed to feel like. _Alex wasn't entirely sure if it was just sex with them or if they were actually making love…and then she looked up at Bobby after contemplating her thoughts, and knew for sure. _We are making love._

Slowly he started to thrust in and out of her, but as the minutes went on, his pace quicken. At first it was awkward as they tried to get to _know _each other and get used to each other, but as time went on, they became more comfortable with one another. Alex easily matched Bobby's pace and they became one; as if they were the only one's left in the world. Nothing else mattered at that moment in time. Not his childhood, not his latest stunts, not Alex's kidnapping, nothing. They knew what the other one was thinking and when Alex came again, he stopped thrusting to let her ride out her third orgasm of the night. A few minutes later, Bobby's pace quickened and she knew he was about to come. She could feel him trying to hold back, to hold on as long as he could. She reached down and cupped his ass in her hands and squeezed hard and then lifted her head off the bed and whispered, "Now, Bobby." She commanded. "Come for me now, big boy." And that's all it took for him to empty his semen into her. He groaned loudly when he had first come and then, as he collapsed onto her, he whispered "Alex" so delicately, so softly that she had barely heard him.

He lied still for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. His Body was mostly on top of Alex and she loved the feeling of him on top of her. She removed her hands, which were still lightly resting on his strong, firm ass, and softly rubbed his back which was coated with a small layer of sweat. She found it sexy.

Finally, he rolled off of her and pulled her with him so that she was lying on top of him. He kissed her once more, but there was nothing rough about this kiss. It was passionate and full of love and it was a kiss that was made only for her.

**A/N: Let ****me know what you think. Like? Dislike? Undecided? LOL As always, I might come back and change this later. I just wanted to post something for ya. **

**-Snyder-**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: **Ok, so for this chapter, it's not exactly rated M…but it's not exactly rated T either. Like…a T Plus? LOL. Just a little warning.

**CHAPTER: 32**

_Holy hell, Robert Goren is a sex god. Just wow!_

"Wow." Alex mumbled and then instantly reddened as a result of saying it out loud.

"Yeah, Alex, wow." He murmured. He too was amazed at the amount of passion that was just shown between the two of them.

"You're an amazing lover, Bobby."

And boy did Bobby's smile grow. It _didn't_ hurt his ego either. It wasn't the first time he had been told that, but it had definitely been a while. He doesn't care about those other times though. _This _was the only time and the only woman that mattered now.

"Lover, huh, Eames?" He finally replied back.

She laughed at her last name being used once again and then nodded her head.

"Yeah, lover, _Goren_. What do you have to say about that?" She asked him. It was almost like she was challenging him. She wanted to know what he was thinking.

His smile faded slightly and he became deathly serious.

"I'd have to say that that sounds amazingly too good to be true." He murmured.

"Now you know how I feel about all of this…about us." She said and slowly diverted her eyes down to around their naked lower halves and then back up. "It was amazing, Bobby." She swallowed. "It _is _amazing."

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you so very much. You have no idea how much this means to me. How long I've dreamt of this to happen…and now that it has, it's even better than I had ever imaged." Bobby admitted. He wanted to be totally honest with her and it took everything in his power not to look away from her as he admitted his feelings.

Her heart soured after hearing his words. He was opening up to her, he was being completely honest, and she was thankful for it.

"Ditto, Bobby." She said and scooted into his large frame as much as possible. Bobby reached for the covers and covered them up and then held onto her for dear life. He never wanted to let go.

After a few moments of silence, Alex could tell Bobby had something on his mind. He was swallowing more than normal and trying not to shift positions every second. It was slightly humorous.

"What is it, Mr. Twitchy?" She asked. She tried as hard as she could to keep the humor out of her tone, but she failed.

His body froze for a moment before he could answer.

_Mr. Twitchy?_

"Mr…What?" He asked, caught off guard.

"Mr. Twitchy." She repeated and smiled at his confused look. She then sighed. "What's on your mind, Bobby? I can tell you're thinking about something because you're trying as hard as you can not to twitch." And then Bobby smiled as the understanding of his "nickname" began to sink in. Alex matched his smile and then added, "And you're swallowing a lot too. It's a nervous habit of yours I noticed at the beginning of our partnership. You do it when you have something on your mind…or you're thinking too damn much."

_Wow, this woman knows me better than I thought._

"Just…am I really the only man to…" He paused to look into her eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable.

Alex nodded. She knew what he wanted to ask.

"Yeah, you are." She paused to reach up with her left hand and softly stroke his right cheek. He closed his eyes at the feeling. "And it was amazing, Bobby."

"It was." He nodded and then opened his eyes. He looked up in time to catch her yawning. "Go to sleep, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

_He called me baby. Oh god I could get used to that. And the way he says it makes the word even sexier._

"Ok…" She began to giggle and then added, "Bobby Bear." She smiled at the thought of her newfound nickname for him. It was the second nickname she had come up with for him in a matter of seconds.

"Bobby Bear?" He asked. "How many nicknames _do _you have for me, Alex?" He asked in amazement.

"Hmm, not too many." She asked and grinned. "But Bobby Bear suits you because, damn, you feel like a, though very large size, human teddy bear. It feels amazing to finally have you pressed up against me." She seductively stated and then added, "Especially when we're both naked."

"Hmm, I'll take that to be a compliment." He murmured. "I know some woman don't…don't really like to…cuddle." He said and quickly added, "But I do. I always have. I don't know why, but I do…but with the other woman I've been with, it never felt right. Not like this." He whispered and kissed her forehead. "We fit together so perfectly that you…we bring a whole new meaning to the word _cuddle_."

Lying on her right side, facing Bobby, Alex slowly trailed her hand down his muscular arm and then around his waist. She wrapped her arm around him and gently squeezed his ass. She wanted to hold onto him and never let go either. Bobby mimicked her actions, lying on his left side, but then lifted his right leg up and gently rested it on her own. He wanted as much contact as possible.

Alex could feel his entire body tightly pressed up against hers and it was sending waves of pleasure through her once again.

_Oh god, I'm already ready for round two. God, what this man does to me._

**A/N: Yeah, so I used the Mr. Twitchy name. I freaking love that. Whoever it was that came up with that nickname for him first is awesome! LOL It's one of my favorite nicknames for him (Smiles).**

**Thanks and thank you all so much for your kind reviews so far. I love reading your thoughts and ideas about this. It makes me smile.**

**-Snyder-**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: **Ok, so for this chapter, it went back to **Rated M.** LOL I know, again, but I _had _to do it. LOL I was writing and it just sort of happened (Smiles).

**CHAPTER: 33**

_Oh god, I'm already ready for round two. God, what this man does to me._

And then Alex found herself holding in a gasp as she felt Bobby's hand lazily begin to rub small circles on her lower back with his large thumb. It was innocent, she could tell by the look on his face when she glanced up at him. He was relaxed. His eyes were closed and his features content, but it was turning her on.

_Once again, Oh. My. God._

She couldn't help nor control herself. Slowly, very slowly, Alex slid her hand across Bobby's ribs, over his stomach and headed downward. Reaching down softly in between them, Alex reached for his cock and found him semi-erect.

_Not for long. _She mused and couldn't help but chuckle.

Before Bobby had a chance to question her, Alex's hand travelled a bit lower, brushing her fingertips against the base of his dick. Then she went down even lower, reached for his balls and seized them in her tiny hand. She started to massage them and that's when she felt Bobby's hand grip her ass more firmly this time. Although she wasn't looking at him, she could _feel _his eyes shoot open and gaze down towards her.

"Hmm…Alex." He groaned. "I thought you…you wanted to…Ah, god. I thought you wanted to go to sleep." And then, "Holy shit, Alex." He emitted as she ran her thumb over the tip of his cock. He was already rock hard, standing erect and saluting, ready for her and that's when she gripped him more firmly in her left hand and started to gently stroke him.

"I was…but…" She stopped and looked up into his eyes. What was she supposed to say? That she's been turned on ever since she's been here, so close to him, and can't help herself now? That she's wanted him so badly for so fucking long that she _has _to have him again? Right now? That she just can't control her desires for him because they truly _do _burn that deeply for him?

_Yeah, right!_

"But what?" He asked huskily as the hand that was previously gripping her ass, started to head towards her center. Once he reached her sweet spot, he gently parted her folds and found her to be dripping wet. He couldn't help but whisper, "Damn," as he ran his thumb over her already hypersensitive clit. "You're already so wet, baby."

"Well, it's all your fault." She exclaimed and he was taken back by her statement.

"Me? Now how is it my fault?" He smirked. "I thought we were going to bed, but—" The remaining words were left hanging in the air when he felt Alex bend down, while he was talking to her, and take him into her mouth. "Oh god, Alex." He groaned and unconsciously rocked his hips against her mouth.

"Hmm, you taste so good, Bobby." She said as she began to lick the pre-come from the tip of his penis. She loved how he tasted and wanted more.

"Al—Alex…" He was clearly having trouble forming full sentences, let alone one word now.

Bobby couldn't believe what was happening. One minute, he _thought _they were about to go to sleep, fall asleep in each others arms. He didn't think things could possibly get any better and then the next thing he knew, she had taken his large member into her mouth. He looked down at her to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Hmm…" Was the only thing out of Alex's mouth and Bobby gasped at the vibration it caused against his pulsating, rock hard, cock.

He struggled to reach for her once more, to give her an equal amount of pleasure, but she pushed his hand away.

"No, Bobby." She said as she licked the head of his dick. "You've given me so much pleasure already." She said and kissed him just below his bellybutton. "This is for you." She said and then quickly added, "So lay back and enjoy it."

And before Bobby could protest, Alex had gone underneath the covers and out of sight.

Once again, he was about to plead with her to at least let him _feel_ her when he screamed her name out loud instead. He could no longer control his body. Bobby tilted his head back as far as it would go into the pillow without his neck snapping. He was having trouble breathing. He was having trouble processing everything. And then he looked back up, when he felt her move, and saw her begin to lower herself onto him.

Alex had straddled his lap and taken his full length into her hot, wet core. She began to ride him and couldn't help but moan at the feeling of him. She wanted him to relax and her do all the work for him. This time it was him that began to claw at the bed, for the sheets. Something, anything to hold onto. He could hear the sheets ripping, but he didn't care.

"I want to know when you're about to come, Bobby." Not getting a response from him, she smirked. This was exactly the response she had hoped would come from him. She continued to ride him, clenching her inner muscles every time she raised her body up off of him. She was driving him crazy and she loved it. She knew he could feel her inner walls clenching around him every time she pulled out and she loved the reaction it was causing him to make because of it.

Bobby finally managed a few words just then, "Not 'til you come first." He mumbled incoherently.

Soon after he had said that, Alex felt her orgasm building up. She knew that Bobby would feel her inner walls began to spasm, but she didn't want him to pleasure her this time. _She _wanted to pleasure _him_. Of course she couldn't control the fact that she was about to orgasm. It was just something that this man did to her and she knows he doesn't even realize the power he has over her.

Before Bobby knew it, she was moaning his name as her orgasm overtook her. Bobby immediately unclenched the covers and grabbed onto her hips to support her weight with his two large paws. He loved the look on her face, the way her body jolted, and the sounds that came out of her mouth as her body convulsed in pleasure.

Bobby let her ride out her orgasm, halting the little thrusting he was doing, and tried to flip them over when Alex said, "Bobby, no." She tried to control her breathing. "I want to do this for you." She told him and bent down to kiss him passionately. He moaned in her mouth and before he knew it, she was pulling back and beginning to ride him once more.

A few minutes later, Bobby started to groan and mumble.

"What's that, Bobby?" She asked and she too began to pant harder.

"Oh god, Alex. I'm so…so close. Ahh…Oh, fuck." And she knew he was going to come any second.

Alex bent down and managed to take one of his nipples in her mouth while the other hand went to his face. His eyes shot open and she could tell he was about to come.

"N—Now, Alex! Oh fucking god…Alex!"

She quickly got off of him, very aroused at the wording he'd just used, and took him back in to her mouth. He ejaculated into her welcoming mouth and she couldn't help but swirl her tongue on the top of his head to lick the rest of him up.

Bobby had felt her get off of him, but didn't have the strength to look up as his orgasm overtook him. He was disappointed for a split second that she didn't let him come _in _her, but that quickly passed as he felt her mouth on him again; allowing him to come in her mouth instead.

_Oh god, I love this woman. _

"Love you, Alex!" He asserted one final phrase and then sunk into the bed further.

After Alex had swallowed his come, she crawled back up his body and laid on him, resting her head on his chest. She felt him still quiver lightly and she loved the feeling of him being so exposed. She could feel and hear his heart beat. It was beating rapidly and she turned her head and kissed it, knowing that she was the one that caused it.

**A/N: Ha Ha. So what do you guys think? I believe the next chapter will be back to rated T. LOL But who knows…I just go where my mind takes me. Sorry it took so long to update. Hope you're still liking this. **

**Note: So, at the very last second, and I mean the _very _last second, I cut this a bit short. I try to stop when the Rated M stuff is over so that the people reading all but the rated M stuff can read...well, most of the story (Smiles). Get it? More to come very soon!**

**-Snyder-**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**A/N: **Back to **Rated T.**

**CHAPTER: 34**

They lied that way, one on top of the other, for what seemed like hours. Bobby didn't really think he could move if he tried anyway. His body felt like jell-o, as did Alex's.

"You're so hot." Alex finally spoke.

"Sorry." He mumbled and tried to shift positions to put some space between the two of them.

"Oh, god, Bobby." She tried to control the exasperation in her voice. "You can be so damn dense sometimes. I meant hot as in…" She paused to think briefly and figured that _showing_ him would be easier than trying to explain it to him. Alex leaned up and took hold of his lips with hers. A few seconds later, she pulled away and said, "Hot as in like, you're so fucking hot and irresistible that if I look at you for too long, I want to have you over and over again. That kind of hot." She said and kissed his chest lightly.

He instantly reddened. Alex's wording shocked Bobby, so much that he almost choked on his saliva. _Oh hell, but what a way to go! _

"Oh." However, was the first coherent word Bobby could come up with just then. She knew he was shocked by her statement and that he was still trying to process it. She smiled because of it. "That was…" He began once more but was cut off.

"Amazing." Alex finished for him.

He nodded and looked at her. His brown orbs were filled with so many emotions once again, but the one that shined through above the rest was love.

"What?" He paused and closed his eyes momentarily. "I mean, where did that come from, Alex?" He finally asked after his breathing evened out and boy was the poor man confused to the hilt.

"I told you, it's your fault." And she laughed again at the look on his face. It was scrunched up as if he trying to read her mind and figure out what the hell she was talking about. "I was ready to fall asleep…that is until we were pressed up against each other and I felt your long, muscular arms reach out to hold me. I've wanted you for so goddamn long, Bobby Goren, that it hurt. And now to have you with me, like this…" She paused and took a deep breath. "It was very overwhelming. To feel your naked form against mine brought back all those memories of the nights where I would lie in bed and wish you were with me." She explained. "And that made me _very _turned on…" And that's when she grinned evilly. "I needed to have you again."

And it was Bobby's turn to smile.

"I see. So, Alex, you're saying that I'm irresistible, huh?" He repeated what he interpreted her to mean and batted his eyebrows at her. She nodded her head and laid it back on his chest.

"More than you realize." She mumbled and kissed his chest again. She reached up with one of her hands and started to play with the light dusting of hair that was present on his chest. She loved weaving her small fingers through the curls that lightly covered his upper body. "And I've definitely not been one to be overly protective, but I swear to god if a woman looks at you the wrong way, I'll take my gun out, shoot her, and call it a day." She said as her hand roamed up and began to play with the soft curls around his temple. She loved to explore him and couldn't seem to stop herself.

"Alex…" He got that far, but then started to laugh. He found her statement very humorous. A few moments later, Bobby spoke up in a more serious tone. "Alex, you do the same thing to me. For years I've dreamt about you." He said and took a moment to stroke the side of her face. "I don't know how many times I would lie in bed at night, trying to fall asleep, and not be able to. I can't count the number of times I told myself that if you were lying next to me, just for a few minutes, that I would be able to have some peace and possibly fall asleep. I just…never expected it would happen." He sadly admitted and then quietly added, "Nor was I ever going to ask that of you."

"You're not the only one." She whispered. "You should've asked, Bobby. I would've come over here in a flash if I knew you needed me." She proclaimed. "I just figured you didn't need me."

"I've always needed you, Alex." He mumbled and held onto her tighter. "And I always will."

And Bobby felt her nod her head, because he knew that she felt the same way.

A little while later, Bobby's voice was heard through the silence. "Eames?" He mumbled as she ran her hands up and down his sides.

"Yes, _Goren?_" She said and looked up at him and rolled her eyes.

"Sorry...Alex?" He corrected himself. "I—"

She lifted her head to look into his eyes and saw remorse. "No apologizing, Bobby." She stated and shook her head. "I know you're trying to get used to it. It's ok. I just find it kind of amusing that, here we are, lying here naked, one on top of the other, and you're still calling me by my last name."

He swallowed hard and a small frown appeared.

"I just…I've been addressing you as _Eames _for so long that that's what I'm used to."

She nodded once again. She understood.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" She said as she snuggled into him even further. He truly was like an oversized stuffed animal. And as soon as she got comfortable, reality hit her and she immediately pushed herself up off of him so quickly that one would've thought he was on fire.

He immediately thought the worst. Bobby thought he did something wrong. "What? What is it?" He questioned nervously and started to sit up.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" She panicked. She had completely forgotten for a few measly hours the reason that she had been here, with him this entire time.

His face became distorted as he tried to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

"Hurt me? How could you possibly hurt me?" He managed.

And then she pointed to his heeling wound and everything fell into place once again.

"I totally forgot about it, Bobby. I'm sorry. And then I practically flopped down on top of you. It must be hurting—"

"You said no apologizing." He stated and then added, "But I feel fine, Alex. I promise. Actually, after what you just did to me, more than fine." He smirked and then became deathly serious again. She was amazed how he could do that so quickly. "The only way you could hurt me is by leaving me." He admitted and she leaned down just then to kiss him on the forehead and he knew just then that she wasn't going anywhere. "Now get back down here and lay with me." And then he looked up at her with those puppy dog eyes and added, "Please?" He murmured and Alex was lying back on top of him within seconds. _That _look of his is completely irresistible. This time though, most of her body was off of him except for her shoulders, head, and her leg that lightly draped over the top of his.

They cuddled each other and Bobby felt himself drifting off. He hadn't had this much action in a very long time, but he didn't want this moment to end. He found himself smiling as a thought crossed his mind.

"Shoot her, Alex?" He asked.

Alex snorted. "Yes. Shoot her." She told him sternly and patted his chest with her left hand.

"Yeah, well you don't really have to worry about that ever happen—Oww!" He stopped mid-sentence. Alex had hit him lightly on the arm. "Abuse!" He cried out jokingly and then laughed. "What was that for?"

"For saying that—" She was stopped before she had a chance to finish as, once again, one of Bobby's large hands came up to cover her mouth to keep her from speaking any further.

_If only I could try this method at work. _He mused and decided to save that one for another day.

"It doesn't have anything to do with lack of self-esteem, Eames." He said and let his hand fall back down. "It's just a fact. I don't exactly go out and look either, so I guess that has something to do with it." He mused out loud and then added, "But I just…kind of…gave up after a while." He solemnly admitted.

She nodded. She knew what he meant because she too had given up. She didn't have the courage to tell him that the reason she had given up was because of him. Within a couple of years into their partnership, Alex had realized that the only man she wanted was Bobby, and it killed her to not be able to tell him that.

She deeply sighed knowing that he finally knew.

"Are you tired, Bobby?" She asked a little while later after he had yawned for the second time.

"Hmm, how could I not be tired after what you just did to me?" He laughed.

"And what you did to me too." She quickly added.

"Only for you, Alex. I love you."

"I love you too, Bobby."

**A/N: Wow, I bet it surprised you how quickly I updated, right? LOL So, there aren't as many hits or reviews on this story as before, which tells me that I should finally wrap this up. Which is what I intend to do (Smiles). The next chapter will be the last. Thanks for reading...I know I've enjoyed writing this.**

**-Snyder-**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Special Thanks To: **Artemis024, Belle Paris, bookworm45, B R Cary, chlark4, cifan, claire18974, deliriousdancer, diamondprincessforever, Educate the Masses, EO4EVER, eternal vampire, Fanmlz, Feistygeist, Goren's Girl, hockeymom, Holly3435, JackSam, JennyMcS, judeey, kckatnip, kflanigan, Kyasurin-chan, lalunafour, LauraPetry, Law-Freak-155-xoxo, LeaveIt, lilcorkyny, LOCIGrl06, LOCISVU, LorMes or LAM, LuminousIntensity, Marissa Mustang, MaxWrites, Merel, Metisse, Mindfreak kitten, moonchild712, morgancorinthos84, mossirgligrD, rindy713, Sappy13, Secret Phoenix 679, Serienjunkie 91, smokinhottie, squarey, The Mominator, Tommys My 21, tooraf, Tracey Claybon, TriggerHappyWorld, WinchesterPhantom, wtd-lao-csibuff, xRedwingedx, and x8x Krazee Benson Fan x8x (Chantelle, I had to add spaces in your name because it wouldn't accept your actually screen name. Not sure why. LOL).

**CHAPTER: 35**

The room went silent and Alex felt herself drifting off to sleep as his three words settled into her mind. And then she smiled because she knew she would be sore in the morning. She definitely welcomed the feeling, knowing who the cause of it was.

She felt as though she could fall asleep any moment, but there was something that was keeping her from it. And then she remembered. Bobby was trying to ask her something earlier and she kept interrupting, and knowing Mr. Twitchy, he wouldn't be able to sleep until he had his question or questions answered.

"What it is, Bobby?" She murmured but kept her eyes closed and her head against his broad chest.

"What?" He asked. He was already half asleep when he heard her voice through the fog. For once his racing thoughts had stopped. He was able to shut off his brain and just be caught up in the moment. It was something he wasn't used to, but he knew he could easily _get _used to it. In fact, he already was.

"You wanted to ask me something earlier. What was it?"

He sighed deeply and it made Alex shift slightly in return. She knew by_ that_ sigh that it was a question that wasn't easily asked nor was it easily answered.

"I just…" He bit his lip. He was so nervous. "I just wondered if you…or if we are…" And then he fell silent. The words were not coming to him and it only discouraged him from speaking any further.

"If we're what, Bobby?" She waited for him to reply, but when no response was rendered, she turned onto her stomach to face him. She decided to help him out, figuring she knew what he wanted to ask. "If we're together? As a couple?" She dared to say the word. "Or if we're still just friends?" She hesitantly asked.

"Yes." He swallowed hard. "How did you—"

"Trust me, I've been thinking about it as well." She softly admitted. She was exhausted and didn't want to hide nor deny it any longer. "I just…I didn't want to put anymore additional pressure on you, so I just…didn't bring it up. I didn't want to assume anything either."

"Alex, you can always talk to me or ask me anything."

"I know." She whispered and suddenly felt guilty.

"So…?" He asked nervously. He knew he was treading on thin ice because he didn't know what _she_ really wanted.

Instead of answering him immediately, she went to caress his face instead. She wanted to feel his face in her hands as she gathered her thoughts. She brought her thumbs down to his lips and rubbed them both delicately across them. She loved those lips, so she softly claimed them with her own. There was nothing rough about the kiss. It was gentle, yet firm, but she wanted to taste him. She loved the taste of him. As she kissed him, she trailed her hands through his hair and weaved her hands in and out. When she pulled away, she looked deep into those eyes. She felt herself getting lost in them, but as she thought about it further, she realized she was already lost in them. She was already lost in _him_.

"I want you, Bobby." She finally spoke. "I don't want this to be a one-time thing. Like I told you before, I've dreamt about this moment for a long time. And it's better than I ever imagined it would be. And now that it's finally happened, I don't want it to ever go away." She murmured as she let her hands slip from his hair to his chest. She flatted her hands so that her palms were flat against his chest when she began to speak once more. "Bobby, I want your face to be the last one I see at night. And when I wake up in the morning, I want your face to be the first one I see. I want to look into those brown orbs of yours every morning and night and get lost in them. I love you and I want you…more than words can express. I want to be yours and I can only hope that you'll want to be mine." She stated and was surprised how well she had held it together.

Alex was suddenly afraid, but she wasn't sure why. She'd thought, on numerous occasions, that Bobby didn't want nor need a relationship to complicate his life any further. She figured he had women, but that was it. They were only women to him and for a _very_ short period of time from what she gathered. A booty call as she liked to call it. He was an attractive man and she knew that he could easily get women. She felt a sting of jealousy at the thought of him with another woman, but quickly pushed it aside. Alex wasn't sure if he was ready to commit to something like this or not, but as she gazed up into his eyes once more, she knew that he indeed was. She knew he loved her just as much, if not more, than she loved him.

"I want the same thing, Alex. All of it. All of _you_. I just didn't think you'd want a commitment like that, especially not with me."

"Why not with you?" She asked almost too quickly. She was curious of his response. "You're the one I love. You're the only one I can ever see myself with down the road." She desperately added and prayed that she wouldn't be rejected. She knew it would just about kill her if he rejected her. She could only hope that he would understand and have the same wants and needs as she does.

He chuckled. "Because I'm your whack-job partner. I'm not one, in the eyes of others, to settle down with someone." He answered and goddamn him there was humor in his voice and he was smiling no doubt.

"Bobby! You are not a whack-job by any means. I've told you this before, you're brilliant." He only smiled, so she continued, "I want you. Only you…that is, if you'll have me." She whispered the last part.

"The question is, Alex, will you have me? You haven't seen me before…I mean, not outside of work very much. You don't know what I'm like."

"Same goes for you knowing me." She tried to counter with him. "I know we have a lot to discuss and find out about each other, but I look forward to that, Bobby. I love you and want to know everything about you."

"Everything?" He asked analytically.

She nodded. "Everything." She said and grabbed hold of one of his hands and placed a feather light kiss on the palm of his hand. "So, are we…?" The rest of the sentence faded into the air. She felt like a teenager in high school again.

"I think so. I want to try this. I love you and I know, in my heart, that you're the only one for me, Alex."

"Ditto, my loveable Bobby Bear." And she leaned up and tenderly claimed his lips once more. He chuckled against her lips at the use of his _nickname_.

"We sound like teenagers." He murmured against her lips and went to pull away. Alex had other plans, however, and leaned forward and kissed him again.

Bobby immediately heard a low moan escape from Alex's lips. She went to deepen the kiss even further, but he pulled away and shook one of those deliciously long and seductive fingers at her.

"What, Bobby?" She asked and gently kissed his stubble-covered chin.

"Alex, I think I might be shooting blanks already. I'm not as young as I used to be." He laughed and then jokingly added, "What are you trying to do, break me?"

"Ha! Could've fooled me, Detective. And I'm not as young as I used to be either." She murmured and then added, "And I'd never want to _break _you, Bobby." She seductively murmured into his left ear.

"Yeah, well you're still a lot younger than me." He quickly answered her. He chose to ignore her last comment and save it for a rainy day.

"How old _are _you, Bobby?"

"How old do I look?" He laughed.

"Oh, I don't know, late 50s, early 60s maybe." And boy did she laugh when she saw him pout.

"So, what are you saying, Alex? You like older men?" He winked.

And they both laughed.

"I know how old you are, Bobby." And he nodded because he knew she knew from the case with Nicole Wallace when his birthday and social security number first came into the light. He was also aware of the fact that she didn't want to say _her _name or even bring up that instance, so he changed the direction of the conversation.

"So, when were _you_ born, Alex?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." She smirked and then added, "Bobby, you should know better than to ask a woman her age."

He pouted of course and it was too damn cute for her to resist.

"Ugh. You know it's unfair that you can do that." She stated and he looked at her confused. "Oh don't act all innocent around me, Bobby. You and that little…" She waved her left hand in no particular order. "You and that little puppy dog look of yours is absolutely irresistible…and what's worse is that you _know _that and will use it against me." And he gave her one of those, 'who me' looks.

She laughed and that's when his puppy dog look turned into a smile.

"So? Are you going to tell me or make me guess?" He asked but quickly added, "Actually I refuse to guess _any _woman's age."

Alex reached up with her left hand to push a strand of hair out of her eyes and just as she brought it back down, Bobby grabbed it and held onto it.

"I was born July 28th, 1965."

"Are you serious?" He pulled away slightly. "I'm _that _much older than you?" He asked curiously.

She rolled her eyes. "Four years isn't that much of a difference, Bobby. Especially for our age." She laughed.

Bobby chimed in just then. "Actually, we're three years, eleven months and eight days apart." He announced proudly, and boy did his smile grow.

She gave him that look and murmured, "Smartass." She could help but laughed at the look on his face just then. It was so innocent and so…Bobbyish. "Whatever…Besides, you sure in the hell don't act like a 47 year-old man in bed." She winked and produced one of the sexiest looking grins he had ever seen.

"Oh? And why is that?" He asked and quickly, but gently squeezed her ass.

"Because all I have to do is rub against you once and you'll have a hard-on. I think you may be right, at least after I'm done with you tonight, you _may _be shooting blanks."

"Well, in that case, I guess I'll have to turn over and ignore you then." He said and started to roll over playfully.

"Oh no you don't." She quickly hollered and tightened her grip around his waist.

"Why, Alex? Are you ever going to let me go?"

And she immediately answered. "No. Never."

He smiled at her. "Good because I don't plan on ever letting you go either. Face it, you're stuck with me."

"There's no one else I'd rather be stuck with." She murmured and for the first time in his life, Bobby felt utterly content with his life.

Nothing else was said that night. Things that needed to be said could wait until later because they knew all they needed to know. They had each other. The two lovers were now eager to see where this would lead them, but they also both knew that it could only turn out well for the two of them because they're Goren and Eames; the best team at Major Case and now, the happiest couple in New York.

Not long after, Alex and Bobby fell asleep in each others arms. It was the first time in their lives that they felt complete. Nothing was missing in their lives now. Alex went through Bobby's _downfall _and was with him the entire way through his _release_ of emotions he had had. And she was still with him…because she couldn't imagine herself anywhere else.

And that's how they both knew, that they were going to be ok. That they were going to make it, because if they couldn't, no one could.

_**The End.**_

**A/N: Well, that's all she wrote. I must say that I am very sad to see this end.**

**Just a quick mention of their birthdays. We all know that Bobby's birthday is August 20th, 1961. No one knows, however, what Alex's birthday is. So I decided to make one up. I used mine...well, the July 28th part, so I hope that is ok. My birthday is July 28th, 1986, but I obviously couldn't use the year. LOL As for the separation of the two of them, I hope I did the math correctly...because I suck at math! **

**So, thank you to all that continued to read and support me through the entire story. If you have yet to review, but have been reading, please review now and let me know what you truly think of this because I'd love to hear for you all out there. **

**Not sure when I'll post another story…I think I might take a while "off," although I do have a lot of stories already written down. We shall see (Looks at cifan).**

**Until next time,  
-Snyder-**


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